you're just a creep and you can't remember the last five years

[xbrokensilence]

I haven't used this journal for almost three years. It's amazing at how much time has passed. So much has changed, and yet so very little. I graduated college, made friends, made mistakes. I grew up and got my life together, acted on a dream, made a plan. And yet, I find myself stagnated by a cruelly ironic turn of events. At times like this it is difficult not to feel like the recipient of karma for the infliction of pain as a result of indiscretions past. And yet as far as our own score...we were much closer to even. The scales has now been, perhaps irrevocably, tipped in one direction, and I don't know if balance will ever be restored. The thought of chances lost is maddening, and the proverbial "what if" is now replaced with the acute absence of hope.

In the lonely silence, the deafening "why" is the only thought that perpetually echoes in my head. And no one has an answer.

How could you?