being polish and scottish/irish
i am whoever you say i am...my ethnicity at its finest.
"The Irish are a people of paradoxes. They have a tremendous flair for bravado, but inwardly tend to assume that anything that goes wrong is the result of their sins. They are good-humored, charming, hospitable, and gregarious without being intimate. They love a good time, which involves teasing, verbal word play, and sparring, yet they revel in tragedy. Although always joking, they seem to struggle always against loneliness, depression, and silence, believeing intensely that life will break your heart one day. They often feel profound shame about, and responsibility for, what goes wrong, yet they characteristically deny or project blame outward. They are clannish and place great stock in loyalty to their own, yet they often cut off relationships totally.
The Irish have been shown to have a high tolerance for nonrealistic thinking compared to many other groups. Although often viewed as a weakness, their ability to weave dreams was undoubtedly crucial to their survival and may indeed be one of their most creative assets. Historically, the Irish have valued fantasy and dreaming more, perhaps, than any other Western European culture.
Because the Irish have such difficulty dealing directly with differences and conflicts, feelings tend to be submerged, leading each party to feel betrayed by the "disloyalty" of the other. Total loyalty is expected, but...the demand for it is almost never articulated.
Their basic belief is that problems are a private matter between themselves and God, and they therefore have been unlikely to seek or expect any help when they have trouble...The Irish are embarrassed to have a problem and ashamed to let anyone, especially a family member, know about it.
Although the Irish have very highly developed verbal skills, they may be at a loss to describe their own inner feelings. But they do love to talk... Their affinity for verbal innuendo, ambiguity, and metaphor is what the English call "talking Irish", referring to their way of communicating and not communicating at the same time.
Humor is the greatest resource of the Irish for dealing with life's problems... it may be difficult for listeners to know whether to laugh along of whether they are the butt of the joke themselves. Although humor is the greatest resource of the Irish, in personal relationships it can be experienced as a way to distance, avoid pain, or put the other on guard."
and now for the polish piece of me:
"Defensiveness, a nationally necessary historical stance, has become a personality trait.
Poles say defensively that heavy drinking has always been a part of their culture, that vodka is even more deeply enshrined in the Polish tradition than it is in the Russian...the underlying, abiding attitude for Poles is that drinking is a natural and positive part of life. Drinking is accepted as a norm (there are more bars than churches in Polonia) and, in conjunction with the dictum "Do not shame your family!" contributes to the denial that is so centrally a part of progressive alcohol dependence and the family's enabling role.
Children [in Polish families] are expected to conceal their anxieties and needs from their parents, and "take care of themselves."
When it comes to conflict and conflict resolution, Poles are stubborn and have a national and indiviudal reluctance to yield or compromise. Poles are notorious for holding grudges. Disagreements become contests of will. In the words of one family member, a dispute is resolved "only when a son back off and realizes he's talking to his father." A vicious cycle of attack and defense begins, and problems are left unresolved to go underground, where they remain as deeply held resentments."
"The Irish are a people of paradoxes. They have a tremendous flair for bravado, but inwardly tend to assume that anything that goes wrong is the result of their sins. They are good-humored, charming, hospitable, and gregarious without being intimate. They love a good time, which involves teasing, verbal word play, and sparring, yet they revel in tragedy. Although always joking, they seem to struggle always against loneliness, depression, and silence, believeing intensely that life will break your heart one day. They often feel profound shame about, and responsibility for, what goes wrong, yet they characteristically deny or project blame outward. They are clannish and place great stock in loyalty to their own, yet they often cut off relationships totally.
The Irish have been shown to have a high tolerance for nonrealistic thinking compared to many other groups. Although often viewed as a weakness, their ability to weave dreams was undoubtedly crucial to their survival and may indeed be one of their most creative assets. Historically, the Irish have valued fantasy and dreaming more, perhaps, than any other Western European culture.
Because the Irish have such difficulty dealing directly with differences and conflicts, feelings tend to be submerged, leading each party to feel betrayed by the "disloyalty" of the other. Total loyalty is expected, but...the demand for it is almost never articulated.
Their basic belief is that problems are a private matter between themselves and God, and they therefore have been unlikely to seek or expect any help when they have trouble...The Irish are embarrassed to have a problem and ashamed to let anyone, especially a family member, know about it.
Although the Irish have very highly developed verbal skills, they may be at a loss to describe their own inner feelings. But they do love to talk... Their affinity for verbal innuendo, ambiguity, and metaphor is what the English call "talking Irish", referring to their way of communicating and not communicating at the same time.
Humor is the greatest resource of the Irish for dealing with life's problems... it may be difficult for listeners to know whether to laugh along of whether they are the butt of the joke themselves. Although humor is the greatest resource of the Irish, in personal relationships it can be experienced as a way to distance, avoid pain, or put the other on guard."
and now for the polish piece of me:
"Defensiveness, a nationally necessary historical stance, has become a personality trait.
Poles say defensively that heavy drinking has always been a part of their culture, that vodka is even more deeply enshrined in the Polish tradition than it is in the Russian...the underlying, abiding attitude for Poles is that drinking is a natural and positive part of life. Drinking is accepted as a norm (there are more bars than churches in Polonia) and, in conjunction with the dictum "Do not shame your family!" contributes to the denial that is so centrally a part of progressive alcohol dependence and the family's enabling role.
Children [in Polish families] are expected to conceal their anxieties and needs from their parents, and "take care of themselves."
When it comes to conflict and conflict resolution, Poles are stubborn and have a national and indiviudal reluctance to yield or compromise. Poles are notorious for holding grudges. Disagreements become contests of will. In the words of one family member, a dispute is resolved "only when a son back off and realizes he's talking to his father." A vicious cycle of attack and defense begins, and problems are left unresolved to go underground, where they remain as deeply held resentments."