everything reminds me of him... EVERYTHING!!
ok. so here i go. spilling my heart out once again.. while i cry my eyes out.
you dont understand how much this sucks.
ok so if you dont know.. me and paul broke up.
YA.. THATS WHAT I SAID.!
im just completely lost and lonely and confused. it sucks. and no one gets it 2. everyone is always like its ok.. its gonna be fine. no i really dont think its gonna be. :sigh: all i do is sigh and mop around now. im soo hurt and just completely heartbroken.. and im soo mad too!!! im trying not to be. but i just wanna like break a wall. im soo mad. it just makes me mad to know that guys just lie right out of their asses. they are such bullshitters.
so. i wanna move on. really i do. im just soo scared that if i do something or find another guy or just mess around and have fun being single..... im sooooooo afraid that he's not gonna come back to me. cause i mean he's gonna.. right? we have to get back together.. we belong together!! everyone knows that.
i just wanna get over the fact that we arent together. but i cant. i still pick up the fone and think im gonna call him.. but then i realize i cant. i still like start typing huge paragraphs about everything to him online.. but then i realize i cant so i erase it. it just sucks to know that i dont have someone to talk to u like him. i just should have known. i knew this would happen eventually cause.. come on.. all happiness doesnt last forever. or does it?? looks like ill never know!
so i have company dance tryouts next week on friday.
besides the fact that i know im gonna do horrible.. cause i just am cause my minds soo scrambled. i swear.. its gonna be all pauls fault if i dont make it.. sigh.
if i dont make it i dont think i wanna dance anymore.. i think im done.
so. i think im gonna get a hair cut.. whenever im not happy or somethings wrong i get my hair cut.
i think im gonna go short. like kristen on lauguna beach. and im dyin it do.
it'll make me happy.
s0oo0o.. i wish i never met paul. i just wish that i never met him and that none of this would be happening and i would just be all fine like i was before. i mean really i dont mean that. i love him. so much. this just sucks thats all.
i dont know what to do.
it just sucks to know that basically.. us breaking up was all my fault. :(
sucks ass.