vent
wow so life definatly sucks latley.
so many things are going on and i dont even know where to start.
so basically things with me and ray are fucked. not on the outside, we still have fun when we're together and stuff, but im still not allowed to hang out with him so i dont see him on weekends. and we've had a lot of upset with rumours involving bridget and some person i dont even know. emails to the max that are so full of bullshit. and then times get awkward and i dunno what to think about us anymore. i really hope we make it through all this because if we dont then i'll feel like all my fighting and two years of my life have gone down the drain. all the hurt and everything will have been for nothing. i love him too much to want to let all of this go.
i feel like im losing all my friends and the ones i still have with me are hurting so bad. i wish i could help them but i cant. i havent seen kim in so long and i definalty feel like im losing her. i feel like im not good enough anymore cause shes with her other friends a lot. i know we've both been busy but i dunno. a lot of stuff just sucks latley. a lot of people are breaking up and my parents are always fighting and im afraid they're going to get a divorce. my brother is moving out soon and as much as i cant wait we all know that i'm going to miss him so much.
ive been told by my coaches that if i dont start to focus on the court im not playing anymore. i cant help but not be focused. like fuck i have so much on my mind but i definatly dont wanna be benched. i wish i could clear my mind and maybe i'd be able to do it all the time.
blah i dunno anymore.
<3