What do you see when you look at me?
Soo I havent posted in the last month, alot has happenned so sit back and relax and grab some popcorn or something. haha.
Me and William just celebrated our 9 month anniversary, I expect after a year ill still count months but they wont be as important, but they are now so bear with me. We started having sex about a month or more ago, and the whole experience hasnt been the best, ive yet to climax, and hes yet to more than once. weve always ended up stopping because one of us (almost always me) is in pain or paranoid about someone coming around and bugging us. and the last time william made us stop because he was getting hot and tired, and i was actually starting to enjoy it for the first time! dammit!! But we kind of thought we should stop trying for a while because we started getting scared of getting pregnant. But i want to start trying again because i think it brings us closer together, figuratively and literally, lol, and I want us to enjoy it and be happy. for me its just another way to show someone you love them. and I really do love him, with all my heart. Even if hes not the most romantic person, or expressive or anything. I can live with it because hes there for me and he cares and he makes me feel better most days. I could write a giant story about all the things I think of him and how I love him and all, but most all of you would throw up in those popcorn buckets that you may or may not have actually gotten. I guess Abby was right when she said it gets harder after 6 months though, cuz it has I think, its hard to explain though i guess youd have to be us.
In other relationship news, Abby has gotten a bf named Casey, and its only been about a month now i think and abbys already thinking about dumping him because hes not "her type". Its a good fucking thing hes not her "type" cuz the "type" she used to be interested in was a controlling scary bastard. And Casey is farrrrrr from that, he is nice and considerate and brings her Ben & Jerrys and Starbucks. What more could a girl want I ask you??? So hes a bit quiet, thats not his fault if you barely talk to him sometimes Abigail. She needs to put more into the relationship if she expects to get more than shes getting. But oh well, her loss.
So enough about that, more about ME, lol. About a month or so ago, i got put on Lexapro because for the past few months, since about December or earlier actually, i have been suffering in silence from gripping panic attacks that have kept me awake many a night and made it hard for me to do alot of things. Finally I couldnt take it anymore and a couple months ago spilled my sad little heart out, first to William, whom i gave the whole, painful story for them, and then not long after my mom. She didnt know the entirety of it though untill I explained it at my first therapy appointment that I had on monday where I answered a million quesions to a lady that I found out at the end of the appointment, wouldnt even be being my therapist because she had just sent in her letter of resignation. Hows that for dissappointing? But she reminded me of my dead aunt so im kind of glad I wont be going to her, im going to a lady named Jane, which is nice cuz my aunt Jane rules, lol shes awesome. So hopefully this lady is nice too and I like her and we get along well.
Other than all of that, life is going alright I guess, cant complain to much, the Lexapro kicked in about a week after I started taking it so i can sleep through the night every night and my panic attacks arent as severe now I guess except theyve kind of been a bit worse than they were this past week or two, but oh well, im getting through the day alright and thats what matters right? I am starting to want to get a job so I can be able to buy things, for me and our newest addition to the household Ms. Jay, the cute little bunny from tractor supply co. She hates me but i still want to take care of her, she bites me all the time and stuff but its ok. William absolutely ADORES her, I think he would take her home with him if it werent for his cats that would eat her up. Abby still owes me $32 for all the stuff I bought for her when we got her, bitch. I want my money, Im broke and I need it.
But anywho, I think im done with this post, theres probably a million and two things I forgot to mention, but oh well, I cant very well tell you all EVERYTHING can I? If I did I think your popcorn would have been done with long before the end. Those of you that actually got popcorn, bravo. haha, sheesh i should have had some on hand while writing this, i just had dinner and now again im hungry from all this typing. But anywho, goodnight all, have a pleasent night, as I will try to do myself. ta-ta