(no subject)
Chapter 1 of Or So David Thinks...
David’s POV
I awoke to an alarm going off; only it was inside my head when I hit the bed-side clock, realizing that that was not the noise I was hearing. No. Of course not, no parents home, being me, stressed, weary, trying to make a better judgment then the one I thought was best when sober… I drank.
Mother fucker; is this hangover hell?!
I screwed up my face, today was Friday. Time to rummage through stuff and find a shirt to wear, that it itself was not wearing any blood. Hmm… laundry… possibly there was something there that would be of a help. I’m at a damn loss at the current moment. I have to drag myself into the bathroom, set my eyes in the mirror, and drown in my doubts. Great. Doubts about myself.
Yep. Fun.
My thoughts were really random this early in the morning, so everyone out there with a brain to think I’m ADD with-I’m not. You try living like this, day in, day out (and to add, get a hangover) and get on as well as I do! You couldn’t survive! Anyway, I trudged over to the mirror, then tossed a sideways glance at the shower, great. That needed cleaning. Maybe tonight. I rubbed my aching head and slipped some dry pills into my (dry) mouth. I couldn’t swallow easily, but I managed after struggling for a good two minutes to get the two pain-killers down my sore throat. I then, in that time, found a somewhat decent shirt, dragged it on my torso, and quickly looked down. Still in light blue plaid boxers. I soon stretched so far as to wander through the house and pick up a pair of dirty jeans I had tossed randomly somewhere. I slipped them on, then tousled my hair, sticking it up in a faux-hawk organization. Finally, I stood before the glazed wall hanging that reflected your every motion. I slowly drew the eyeliner on, once finished my expertise, I stumbled tensely to the fridge, looked in, found nothing, and cursed myself.
I’ll go out and get whatever I need tonight; I’ll have to.
This was the system, every morning went like this. Except, before, someone-usually a friend, would drop by and walk with me to school. I had no such friend lately. Everyone looked away when I looked over at them, when I spoke they ignored me, when I smiled and nodded to acknowledge their mere existence-they flipped me off. Every god damned time too! I was actually growing used to the punishment I didn’t really deserve. I should get a girlfriend, then everyone will think I’m not gay. But I have no friends, no connections, and certainly no way to get a girlfriend (let alone a boyfriend if I so thought would be necessary).
I soon exit the house with my one science book I had needed to complete an assignment. Today would be no better than the rest. I walked down the street. Opposite me, on the sidewalk, skated Randy. He had been my best friend. Then I had told him what I was going through, not really sure of myself at the time…
Damn him.
***flashback***
“So what did you wanna talk about, David?” He had always used my full name, not anything shorter, always, ‘David’. But this time, it wasn’t a comfort. Not the way I was standing, shivering, hoping to die… or the ground might swallow me up. But it never seems to do that when you most want it to.
“Ummm….I’m confused…actually.” I answered. Thinking back, it sounded minutely stupid. Hey, it was before school on a Wednesday… what do you expect?
“About… what?” He stretched the first word out, exaggerating kindly.
“Umm….about….mysexuality.” I slurred the last two words together, as to hope to not get them noticed.
“What do you mean ‘yoursexuality’, mind me mocking your weirdness.” He always said the last part, it was starting to annoy me-that jolted me awake. I was never annoyed with Randy. NEVER. Maybe it was due to the lack of sleep I was getting, with thinking about this all night and all… yeah, that’s it.
“Well…umm…I think I might be gay… or bi!” I watched as Randy bite his lip, holding back an ominous loud laugh.
“Why would you think that?” He tried speaking without huffy breaths of holding back his laughter, but it didn’t help.
“Because… I’m becoming attracted… to a guy. And I know he’s straight… but yeah.” I was really concerned. He wasn’t outright saying it, but his body language suggested him thinking I was crazy, insulting him, or that I really was, and he was absolutely disgusted.
“Okay. I’ll help you out.” With that, Randy stifled his laughter as he walked away, maintaining it until he got to a few jocks throwing a football back and forth, whispered something to them. They turned and looked. Randy pointed. They snickered visibly enough I could see them. Then, with as many people around me as they could, shouted that obscenely nasty word.
“FAG!”
***end flashback***
He caught me looking, flipped me off, then yelled that word again:
“FAG!”
As if I don’t hear that enough!
I entered the school grounds and sighed. Another boring day at school. Except: everyone had it in for me. Being tripped, made fun of, mocked, getting a swirly. Yeah. Pretty uneventful. Then something hit me with full force.
“David Desrosiers, go to the office, David Desrosiers.”
Well that just made my day… swell!
I huffed a carefully emitted sigh, then walked slowly scuffling to the office. By the time I reached it they must have called my name at least twice more over the intercom. I twisted the handle, glanced into the office, then fully emerged. The nurse hustled me over to a chair and examined me, then told me to go straight into the principal’s room. I walked in, and there… there sat a jock. Another one of the ‘complaints’ had gotten filed. Because I was gay.
Well I say, fuck this shit, man, I’m gonna fuck this jock up.
But I don’t get to follow through.
“Sit down, David.” The principal shows no mercy to anyone. Damnit. I was sitting silently, not bothering to even glance at the jock.
“We’ve spoken to your parents,” shit, this is NOT good. “And we have permission for you to change schools to go to Eversfield High in Montreal. You will be trading spots with this young man here. Josh I want you to meet David. David, this is Josh.” I glanced over and suddenly noticed that he had a nose piercing. A jock. With a piercing. It just was NOT right. Agh! Oh well, I think I might like the place this kid was coming from then. He wouldn’t have a clue here. Shit. Oh well. What do I do? Decline and not be taken out of this shit hole? Nuh uh. Nope, not happening to me. I extend a hand and he nods, taking it gratefully.
“Pleasure to meet you; David.” I smiled a ‘charming’ smile, as one might label it.
“You too, Josh.” …I think…
David’s POV
I awoke to an alarm going off; only it was inside my head when I hit the bed-side clock, realizing that that was not the noise I was hearing. No. Of course not, no parents home, being me, stressed, weary, trying to make a better judgment then the one I thought was best when sober… I drank.
Mother fucker; is this hangover hell?!
I screwed up my face, today was Friday. Time to rummage through stuff and find a shirt to wear, that it itself was not wearing any blood. Hmm… laundry… possibly there was something there that would be of a help. I’m at a damn loss at the current moment. I have to drag myself into the bathroom, set my eyes in the mirror, and drown in my doubts. Great. Doubts about myself.
Yep. Fun.
My thoughts were really random this early in the morning, so everyone out there with a brain to think I’m ADD with-I’m not. You try living like this, day in, day out (and to add, get a hangover) and get on as well as I do! You couldn’t survive! Anyway, I trudged over to the mirror, then tossed a sideways glance at the shower, great. That needed cleaning. Maybe tonight. I rubbed my aching head and slipped some dry pills into my (dry) mouth. I couldn’t swallow easily, but I managed after struggling for a good two minutes to get the two pain-killers down my sore throat. I then, in that time, found a somewhat decent shirt, dragged it on my torso, and quickly looked down. Still in light blue plaid boxers. I soon stretched so far as to wander through the house and pick up a pair of dirty jeans I had tossed randomly somewhere. I slipped them on, then tousled my hair, sticking it up in a faux-hawk organization. Finally, I stood before the glazed wall hanging that reflected your every motion. I slowly drew the eyeliner on, once finished my expertise, I stumbled tensely to the fridge, looked in, found nothing, and cursed myself.
I’ll go out and get whatever I need tonight; I’ll have to.
This was the system, every morning went like this. Except, before, someone-usually a friend, would drop by and walk with me to school. I had no such friend lately. Everyone looked away when I looked over at them, when I spoke they ignored me, when I smiled and nodded to acknowledge their mere existence-they flipped me off. Every god damned time too! I was actually growing used to the punishment I didn’t really deserve. I should get a girlfriend, then everyone will think I’m not gay. But I have no friends, no connections, and certainly no way to get a girlfriend (let alone a boyfriend if I so thought would be necessary).
I soon exit the house with my one science book I had needed to complete an assignment. Today would be no better than the rest. I walked down the street. Opposite me, on the sidewalk, skated Randy. He had been my best friend. Then I had told him what I was going through, not really sure of myself at the time…
Damn him.
***flashback***
“So what did you wanna talk about, David?” He had always used my full name, not anything shorter, always, ‘David’. But this time, it wasn’t a comfort. Not the way I was standing, shivering, hoping to die… or the ground might swallow me up. But it never seems to do that when you most want it to.
“Ummm….I’m confused…actually.” I answered. Thinking back, it sounded minutely stupid. Hey, it was before school on a Wednesday… what do you expect?
“About… what?” He stretched the first word out, exaggerating kindly.
“Umm….about….mysexuality.” I slurred the last two words together, as to hope to not get them noticed.
“What do you mean ‘yoursexuality’, mind me mocking your weirdness.” He always said the last part, it was starting to annoy me-that jolted me awake. I was never annoyed with Randy. NEVER. Maybe it was due to the lack of sleep I was getting, with thinking about this all night and all… yeah, that’s it.
“Well…umm…I think I might be gay… or bi!” I watched as Randy bite his lip, holding back an ominous loud laugh.
“Why would you think that?” He tried speaking without huffy breaths of holding back his laughter, but it didn’t help.
“Because… I’m becoming attracted… to a guy. And I know he’s straight… but yeah.” I was really concerned. He wasn’t outright saying it, but his body language suggested him thinking I was crazy, insulting him, or that I really was, and he was absolutely disgusted.
“Okay. I’ll help you out.” With that, Randy stifled his laughter as he walked away, maintaining it until he got to a few jocks throwing a football back and forth, whispered something to them. They turned and looked. Randy pointed. They snickered visibly enough I could see them. Then, with as many people around me as they could, shouted that obscenely nasty word.
“FAG!”
***end flashback***
He caught me looking, flipped me off, then yelled that word again:
“FAG!”
As if I don’t hear that enough!
I entered the school grounds and sighed. Another boring day at school. Except: everyone had it in for me. Being tripped, made fun of, mocked, getting a swirly. Yeah. Pretty uneventful. Then something hit me with full force.
“David Desrosiers, go to the office, David Desrosiers.”
Well that just made my day… swell!
I huffed a carefully emitted sigh, then walked slowly scuffling to the office. By the time I reached it they must have called my name at least twice more over the intercom. I twisted the handle, glanced into the office, then fully emerged. The nurse hustled me over to a chair and examined me, then told me to go straight into the principal’s room. I walked in, and there… there sat a jock. Another one of the ‘complaints’ had gotten filed. Because I was gay.
Well I say, fuck this shit, man, I’m gonna fuck this jock up.
But I don’t get to follow through.
“Sit down, David.” The principal shows no mercy to anyone. Damnit. I was sitting silently, not bothering to even glance at the jock.
“We’ve spoken to your parents,” shit, this is NOT good. “And we have permission for you to change schools to go to Eversfield High in Montreal. You will be trading spots with this young man here. Josh I want you to meet David. David, this is Josh.” I glanced over and suddenly noticed that he had a nose piercing. A jock. With a piercing. It just was NOT right. Agh! Oh well, I think I might like the place this kid was coming from then. He wouldn’t have a clue here. Shit. Oh well. What do I do? Decline and not be taken out of this shit hole? Nuh uh. Nope, not happening to me. I extend a hand and he nods, taking it gratefully.
“Pleasure to meet you; David.” I smiled a ‘charming’ smile, as one might label it.
“You too, Josh.” …I think…