Maybe I sound arrogant, really I just know what I want to say. That's a lie.
Sometimes I talk to myself in my head. I talk like I’m saying everything to some kind of audience that needs my guidance and maybe listens once in a while. The thing is though, is that I talk like I’m talking to myself. It may sound schizophrenic but it’s really not, I promise. And I talk about things like this, how I think everything in my head so quickly that I don’t have time to write it down and prove that I’m a smart person. I really do have some wisdom. You wouldn’t believe that though since I’m a kid. I just addressed that to the general public, my general friends I guess, just so you don’t get confused. I always have people in mind when I say things in my head, it just so happens though that most of the time everything gets turned back to me and I feel like I’m realizing things for the first time because if I never said them out loud (in my head) I wouldn’t know I felt them. And I can trust myself to listen. I can trust myself with almost anything. It’s a nice feeling of comfort.
And like I’m finally on the same page as one of my friends. This is basically what I was saying to myself when all the above was formed. I tend to find that most things are more beautiful in bad situations rather than the typical happily ever after type of things. Like words are just words in something that you know is going to end good, but if you are having the worse day of your life and someone says the right thing at the right moment, it’s so much better that you could almost cry. And I think that’s how it is in real life. I like movies that aren’t the glamorous type, but rather the kind where they show reality and everyday life. The kind where everything goes out of the frying pan and into the fire. These things you can relate to, and really this isn’t going to be turned into some sob story about relating to things so I don’t know why I said that.
My point is though is that you shouldn’t be trying hard for something like happiness. Happiness comes in all the wrong places at the right times and really that’s all you can expect from it. I’m tired of seeing people try to be optimistic all the time when really they’re probably the most pessimistic people I know (and believe me, I know, when one little thing goes wrong they think it’s the end of the world). And it’s ironic really because these same people tell me that it’s ok to feel, that you shouldn’t bottle up emotions like crying and anger and whatnot. My problem is that I can’t cry for myself because I have some kind of reality check in the back of my mind that only lets me feel sympathy for others. This isn’t about me though. This is about you, whoever is reading this. I really hope someone does too, because this is probably the most personal thing I’ve ever shown someone else and I’d hate for it to be looked over.
I think my point from the start of this was just that you have to let life happen to you. I’m not saying to sit back and watch it pass you by; I’m saying that you shouldn’t be faking something that’s preordained to end, because otherwise you just wasted a hell of a lot of time. (I also think you should be shot for that.) I’m tired of people giving up on something that they haven’t experienced yet. I thought I experienced life when I was in 7th grade, I realize now that I never even touched the surface. I’m not trying to make this sound like some kind of suicidal rehab story, I’m being serious. Believe me I’ve been there once or twice, and as embarrassing as this is now, I used to be one of those people who cut because they thought it would help something. (That’s a whole different topic though.) Right now, in this moment I’m just trying to convey something that I learned this summer, and that is that life is probably the best thing you’ll ever be given. I just want some of you to realize this. I want you to feel what I have felt in my whole revelation. I’m a closed off kind of person, I don’t share these things very often with anyone other than myself, but I want you to know, that for the first time in my life I can cry with happiness, and that my friends, is a miracle in itself. I want you to feel this. I hope you do. I sincerely wish you the best in life. I guess this did turn into a sob story huh? Thanks for reading.