(no subject)
"How many of us are having great sex with people we're ashamed to introduce to our friends?"
What a surprise - shame and sex going hand in hand yet again - even for the most enlightened of women. I doubt that men our age ever worry that they gave it up too easily. As women, however, we've all been taught that if we sleep with a guy "too soon" that "he won't respect us" and therefore will never want to date us seriously or introduce us to his friends. Wait: He was there too; shouldn't he be ashamed as well?
So, here we are in 2005, we're all adults, and yet we're all still making bizarre calculations about when it's okay to do the deed. I know the answer should be that it doesn't matter, but in the real world, depending on your objective, the answer varies.
Here's a shot in the dark at a timetable:
Goal: Tension release/fling
Timeline: Duh...that night! You wait any longer; you may not like him anymore.
Goal: Casual dating
Timeline: Three to five dates...might as well get a few free meals first, in case things go badly in bed.
Goal: Serious relationship/marriage
Timeline: Six weeks, or as close to that as you can stand. Note, if your plan is working, he will probably lure you with a getaway to somewhere expensive around week four, at which point it is okay to give it up if: a) you want to and b) the hotel is really swanky. I hate that this is the case, but holding out does give you the upper hand. Think of this as hunting. You don't want to startle your prey. Move slowly.
I'm kidding about the timetable. Sort of. At any rate, for those of you who are now mentally slapping yourselves for giving in to your Mr. Big on date three, here's a story that will make you feel better: Two years ago, my friend Naomi had a really crappy Wednesday. She went to a bar, downed several martinis, and before she knew it, was making out on a pool table with a tall, nice-looking guy. They got thrown out of the bar, so she took him home, slept with him...and has seen him every day since. They're getting married this summer - and they're still all over each other.
So what do you think? Is the double standard alive and well? Are you afraid that men won't respect you if you sleep with them too soon?
What a surprise - shame and sex going hand in hand yet again - even for the most enlightened of women. I doubt that men our age ever worry that they gave it up too easily. As women, however, we've all been taught that if we sleep with a guy "too soon" that "he won't respect us" and therefore will never want to date us seriously or introduce us to his friends. Wait: He was there too; shouldn't he be ashamed as well?
So, here we are in 2005, we're all adults, and yet we're all still making bizarre calculations about when it's okay to do the deed. I know the answer should be that it doesn't matter, but in the real world, depending on your objective, the answer varies.
Here's a shot in the dark at a timetable:
Goal: Tension release/fling
Timeline: Duh...that night! You wait any longer; you may not like him anymore.
Goal: Casual dating
Timeline: Three to five dates...might as well get a few free meals first, in case things go badly in bed.
Goal: Serious relationship/marriage
Timeline: Six weeks, or as close to that as you can stand. Note, if your plan is working, he will probably lure you with a getaway to somewhere expensive around week four, at which point it is okay to give it up if: a) you want to and b) the hotel is really swanky. I hate that this is the case, but holding out does give you the upper hand. Think of this as hunting. You don't want to startle your prey. Move slowly.
I'm kidding about the timetable. Sort of. At any rate, for those of you who are now mentally slapping yourselves for giving in to your Mr. Big on date three, here's a story that will make you feel better: Two years ago, my friend Naomi had a really crappy Wednesday. She went to a bar, downed several martinis, and before she knew it, was making out on a pool table with a tall, nice-looking guy. They got thrown out of the bar, so she took him home, slept with him...and has seen him every day since. They're getting married this summer - and they're still all over each other.
So what do you think? Is the double standard alive and well? Are you afraid that men won't respect you if you sleep with them too soon?