That may be true, and I’m so happy for the both of you that you’re together in that way, but it’s those other times. Those aren’t so good, and can almost outweigh what good you’re doing for him.
Yes, we’ve talked some. Sure, I haven’t gotten as much as you have (I’m assuming) but he recently posted about his reasoning and (while the reasons are not the same, though equally out of our control) it was painfully familiar. It’s out of this I feel such... I don’t even know. I want him to be treated better than he has been. You shouldn’t be doing anything to him that hurts him more than he already has. You shouldn’t be hitting him, both because that’s just not a thing that lovers should do, and more practically because if you lose your cool just for one split second you could crack his skull and he could be dead. I’m sure that would cause you a great amount of distress since, you seem to love him. I mean none of the things I say as an affront to you or him. I say it purely because I can’t tolerate the idea of someone being in pain that’s this close, even if we are so far away and don’t truest know each other.
Owen feels no pain, therefore I am not hurting him. When I cut him, he knows exactly what I'm doing and has always been a very willing participant. On those rare occasions when I have lost my temper with him, I am still in complete control of my own actions. I'm five hundred years old and well aware of my own physical strength.
There is no need to concern yourself with any sort of offence. Only those I care for deeply can harm me with their words.
Broken blood vessels are broken blood vessels regardless of how it feels or doesn’t feel. You’re hurting him, his body, his brain just doesn’t react the way most people’s would to those signals. I hope for his sake you’re right. You have quite a catch there, from what I can see. A real sweetie, and it’s be awful to see anything bad happen to him. The way I reacted is informed by my past, I’ve come to realize. I stand by what I said entirely regardless, but it’s very wrong of me to let that cloud over my mind and just have at it. I wouldn’t have been so polite if I’d been there in person.
It’s just a really poor impression to make. We hardly ever have spoken, (when we did, I don’t know that you remember but I was 15. Just a baby, and practically a different person). Then I come out of nowhere to scream at you. Not very polite at all and I’m very sorry. I want you to at least kind of like me in some remote way, you know? Edit: moreover it wasn’t even directly at you, but as an aside with someone else. Again, bad impression and pretty rude. I was raised far better than all this and I’m sort for it.
I also have the power to heal any wound I might inflict on him, but I have not done so yet.
You wouldn't be the only person to scream at me as a first impression. Usually it's more out of fear than outrage, of course. There is no need to apologize for anything.
You bring out a certain timidness in me, so I’m not so sure I’d have reacted the way I even think; and I feel like I’ve got a pretty decent idea of how I react as a person.
There’s a need because I feel a need. It’s what’s I feel is right so I’m doing it. I knew I probably wasn’t occupying too much space in your mind, if any at all.
I hope still from all this, you’ll still talk to me, since you’re smart and I like talking and we never got to talk much at all, but if you’re not interested after this point I get it.
You’ve got a reputation, and that’s what made me bristle a bit. I’m a bit ashamed to admit it, but there it is.
Thank you.
Hm. That’s interesting. Of course there’s any number of reasons why you might pick me as a conversation partner, so I guess I’ll ask point blank: is it something about me myself or are you just bored and I’m your only option?
You’re known to be cruel without a ton of apparent reason behind it. You just do the thing because you want to or it’s a means to an end. Even in your own book, which provides a lot more context to your behavior (oh and I forgot to reply to you before, when I said you seemed normal. I wasn’t being clear. You weren’t normal in every sense no, you were incredibly smart and talented and a maybe saint, but in regards to just normal teenagery stuff? I saw so much of myself in you, my classmates in you. It broke me a bit to read that book, and to do some looking over again pretty recently, now that I’m out of those years and remembering what I was like when I was 17. You know I’m intensely protective. You could guess my reaction) there’s shades of it, and it makes my blood run cold. I certainly wouldn’t want to get in your way or upset you, that’s for sure, and while I try to think before I speak, I’m still too loose with my words and people get upset.
And what is it that you see? I’m afraid always, but I say things anyway. I don’t know why.
Yes, definitely. Learned or conditioned. That’s what I’d been getting at, though. If this hadn’t been learned, you’d have had a very distinct trifecta of symptoms that’s unmistakable and present from a young age. Of course, I only know what you and others tell me, but again from what I gather, you were not born like this.
I’ll start here with something I only recently picked up: we both have had issues remembering what happened to us. For whatever reason, I’ve found that I shut out most of my past from whatever happened to me then as well, and as a result the only memories I’m certain happened are either ones I got back after years of therapy or I was 15 or older. That struck me, but you have had things far worse. Again, we were roughly the same age when I first read it. Kids are the same, always. You were young and silly with your friends the way I remembered being young and silly with my friends. Time doesn’t change that. It changes languages and locations and whatever we might do to be young and silly but we are still young and silly. Adults seemed to react to me in similar ways a lot of the time as well, though not in the sexual way. That’s only as I’ve gotten older but I look the same as I did when I was much younger so when people find out I’m Of Age.... well let’s just say true intentions become very clear very quickly. We both have had too much happen to us in such a short span of time, though I’d rather you had have my life than what you had. My life has been challenging, but it’s nothing compared with yours.
Hm. That’s interesting. I Dont know that I see myself as that entirely, but it’s interesting to see how I come across to others. I do so love this world, and everything in it. I especially love small things and unusual things.
Yes, we’ve talked some. Sure, I haven’t gotten as much as you have (I’m assuming) but he recently posted about his reasoning and (while the reasons are not the same, though equally out of our control) it was painfully familiar. It’s out of this I feel such... I don’t even know. I want him to be treated better than he has been. You shouldn’t be doing anything to him that hurts him more than he already has. You shouldn’t be hitting him, both because that’s just not a thing that lovers should do, and more practically because if you lose your cool just for one split second you could crack his skull and he could be dead. I’m sure that would cause you a great amount of distress since, you seem to love him.
I mean none of the things I say as an affront to you or him. I say it purely because I can’t tolerate the idea of someone being in pain that’s this close, even if we are so far away and don’t truest know each other.
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There is no need to concern yourself with any sort of offence. Only those I care for deeply can harm me with their words.
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I hope for his sake you’re right. You have quite a catch there, from what I can see. A real sweetie, and it’s be awful to see anything bad happen to him.
The way I reacted is informed by my past, I’ve come to realize. I stand by what I said entirely regardless, but it’s very wrong of me to let that cloud over my mind and just have at it. I wouldn’t have been so polite if I’d been there in person.
It’s just a really poor impression to make. We hardly ever have spoken, (when we did, I don’t know that you remember but I was 15. Just a baby, and practically a different person). Then I come out of nowhere to scream at you. Not very polite at all and I’m very sorry. I want you to at least kind of like me in some remote way, you know?
Edit: moreover it wasn’t even directly at you, but as an aside with someone else. Again, bad impression and pretty rude. I was raised far better than all this and I’m sort for it.
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You wouldn't be the only person to scream at me as a first impression. Usually it's more out of fear than outrage, of course. There is no need to apologize for anything.
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There’s a need because I feel a need. It’s what’s I feel is right so I’m doing it. I knew I probably wasn’t occupying too much space in your mind, if any at all.
I hope still from all this, you’ll still talk to me, since you’re smart and I like talking and we never got to talk much at all, but if you’re not interested after this point I get it.
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If it is of importance to you, then I accept your apology.
As for talking with you, if I didn't want to, I wouldn't, but as you can see, I'm still here.
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Thank you.
Hm. That’s interesting. Of course there’s any number of reasons why you might pick me as a conversation partner, so I guess I’ll ask point blank: is it something about me myself or are you just bored and I’m your only option?
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No, I'm not bored. I've read your discussions with Owen and I like what I see. I can appreciate those who are not afraid to voice their opinions.
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And what is it that you see?
I’m afraid always, but I say things anyway. I don’t know why.
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I'm curious as to what you saw of yourself in my story. We come from very different times and have lived very different lives.
I see an intelligent young woman who is very passionate about the world around her.
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I’ll start here with something I only recently picked up: we both have had issues remembering what happened to us. For whatever reason, I’ve found that I shut out most of my past from whatever happened to me then as well, and as a result the only memories I’m certain happened are either ones I got back after years of therapy or I was 15 or older. That struck me, but you have had things far worse.
Again, we were roughly the same age when I first read it. Kids are the same, always. You were young and silly with your friends the way I remembered being young and silly with my friends. Time doesn’t change that. It changes languages and locations and whatever we might do to be young and silly but we are still young and silly.
Adults seemed to react to me in similar ways a lot of the time as well, though not in the sexual way. That’s only as I’ve gotten older but I look the same as I did when I was much younger so when people find out I’m Of Age.... well let’s just say true intentions become very clear very quickly.
We both have had too much happen to us in such a short span of time, though I’d rather you had have my life than what you had. My life has been challenging, but it’s nothing compared with yours.
Hm. That’s interesting. I Dont know that I see myself as that entirely, but it’s interesting to see how I come across to others.
I do so love this world, and everything in it. I especially love small things and unusual things.
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