Sigh-
So school is wrapping up, and I did really good. Im really proud of myself, pulling off some all A's towards the end. Which is rare for me.
So Im sitting here on my computer on this friday night. Because well got in trouble with parent's so Im stuck home for today. Ive been staring at the clock with a frown because being home on a Friday night, is absoutely boring. No ones on and well Im bored. I was studying for exams comming up but I decided to push the books away from me, getting to tired reading all of this nonsence. Im sorta tired, but I dont like to fall asleep in the middle of the day :P So yeah...
< new subject >
Well lets see..I was at school today and well yano Josh's little brother yah..well, its been chaotic with everyone, I cant make decisions, Im so well confused. Im lost and scared. I wish I could just erase everything in the past and start fresh. How did this happen to me? All i did was care..Well on another shockking news, his xgf told me that he had cheated on her. *Takes a deep breath* and you know that just really got to me, I mean I never talk to this girl I think shes a complete fool, but I actually listened to her for once. She said she was on vacation and well he had sex with his so called "Friend" when she was away. I honestly thought that he wasnt like that. She told me he said sorry and that he would take it back if he could. I told her, but isnt that what all cheaters say..? Well she said yes but still I cant believe it. Okay well I know I did something wrong with him, that I shouldn't have done, and I wish I could take it back, But I didn't cheat, but I pretty much ruined my whole life, its going to be stuck to me like gum.. :(
Its pretty close to when Josh died. I hate this, the time of month, the day..*Sigh* It'll never change the fact that it hurts so much. I swear, my chest feels like it wants to cave in. My heart feels like it's breaking into tiny pieces and the pieces are slowly cracking off bit by bit. Why? You know, I've never felt anything like what I feel/felt for him.
I think Im going to go listen to some music. Ta <3
*continued*
< off the subject> I grew up being taught to give people the benefit of the doubt. To have faith in people. Granted you could say that has made me too trusting. I know I'm niave. But now... How can I ever trust him again? How can I trust anyone that says they "care" about me? I want nothing more but to be with him; looking into his eyes; saying that your the one. But I was also taught that a guy needs to respect you. And how is going against a commitment you have a sign of respect? I shouldn't even be giving him a second thought becuase that would be giving him the advanatage of knowing that I still care. But I can't help but think about him. I just want to stay in my room and cry until my eyes are all dried up. And then I want to cry some more.
So Im sitting here on my computer on this friday night. Because well got in trouble with parent's so Im stuck home for today. Ive been staring at the clock with a frown because being home on a Friday night, is absoutely boring. No ones on and well Im bored. I was studying for exams comming up but I decided to push the books away from me, getting to tired reading all of this nonsence. Im sorta tired, but I dont like to fall asleep in the middle of the day :P So yeah...
< new subject >
Well lets see..I was at school today and well yano Josh's little brother yah..well, its been chaotic with everyone, I cant make decisions, Im so well confused. Im lost and scared. I wish I could just erase everything in the past and start fresh. How did this happen to me? All i did was care..Well on another shockking news, his xgf told me that he had cheated on her. *Takes a deep breath* and you know that just really got to me, I mean I never talk to this girl I think shes a complete fool, but I actually listened to her for once. She said she was on vacation and well he had sex with his so called "Friend" when she was away. I honestly thought that he wasnt like that. She told me he said sorry and that he would take it back if he could. I told her, but isnt that what all cheaters say..? Well she said yes but still I cant believe it. Okay well I know I did something wrong with him, that I shouldn't have done, and I wish I could take it back, But I didn't cheat, but I pretty much ruined my whole life, its going to be stuck to me like gum.. :(
Its pretty close to when Josh died. I hate this, the time of month, the day..*Sigh* It'll never change the fact that it hurts so much. I swear, my chest feels like it wants to cave in. My heart feels like it's breaking into tiny pieces and the pieces are slowly cracking off bit by bit. Why? You know, I've never felt anything like what I feel/felt for him.
I think Im going to go listen to some music. Ta <3
*continued*
< off the subject> I grew up being taught to give people the benefit of the doubt. To have faith in people. Granted you could say that has made me too trusting. I know I'm niave. But now... How can I ever trust him again? How can I trust anyone that says they "care" about me? I want nothing more but to be with him; looking into his eyes; saying that your the one. But I was also taught that a guy needs to respect you. And how is going against a commitment you have a sign of respect? I shouldn't even be giving him a second thought becuase that would be giving him the advanatage of knowing that I still care. But I can't help but think about him. I just want to stay in my room and cry until my eyes are all dried up. And then I want to cry some more.