Been quite some time

[xbetraymyheartx]

sooo I haven't updated in a while. Hmmm life's been ok.. since the last time i've updated I got a new car.. moved into my own apartment and that's about it. Me and Lance are still together.. it's been kinda rocky lately. he thinks he's perfect. he is a good boyfriend.. but some of the things he says kinda makes me wonder why he's with me.. and when i ask him why he says things that hurt my feelings he turns it around on me and makes it into something i did wrong. it makes me feel like a shitty person. we've been together for almost a year.. aren't things supposed to get easier? all he ever says is "i'm not jeff.. don't treat me like him" if anyone knows anything about jeff then you know lance is NOTHING like him.. i would never compare him to jeff because there is no comparison. i feel like i've been pushing him away lately.. i've been looking for things that are wrong in our relationship rather than what's right. i don't know why. i just feel us getting back to the way we were before.. we don't hang out with anyone.. and when we do he thinks of reasons why we shouldn't hang out with them.. i feel like he wants me to be alone and depend on him and not have any friends.. i get so frustrated when i try to talk about it with him.. it's like he pushes me up against a wall (not literally) and i feel trapped so i get mad and it turns into an argument.. i'm sooo over arguing. but maybe it's just me.. my own insecurities pushing him away.. me and jeff were together for a year and then we broke up and that was the worst experience of my life. i never want to feel that pain again so i think hey get rid of him before you get hurt. or maybe we just aren't right for each other.. i feel more like friends than boyfriend and girlfriend.. the thought of committing myself to someone for the rest of my life again terrifies me. i don't want to be let down again. i'm being emo.. maybe it's nothing at all and it's just that time of the month haha.

oh yeah.. i got new boobs too. they are pretty sweet.

here are some recent pictures