Lost
It's ironic that the show I never got into really sums up my life.
I feel so lost with everything I'm going through.
I don't have a job, I lost a lot of friends, I don't have a home or memories to fall back on, I even feel lost because it feels like I have no family.
That was my thesis statement, so I'll touch up on each of the subjects previously stated.
Job:
Nobody in Monticello seems to be hiring. It could be because the piece of crap we call the economy, or just because Monticello hates me. I've applied at so many places, but haven't gotten called back from a single one. Hopefully Culver's will call me back, because they hire everyone. I'll feel like an even bigger failure if I can't even get hired there.
Friends:
I still have the same friends I did in high school, don't get me wrong. They're all great and I'm really glad we've kept in touch. Unfortunately, it seems like a few of them have changed completely where I can't even recognize them anymore. College has pushed us in different directions and we're unable to have fun together anymore. Maybe it's because they're in new relationships taking up their lives, or that they've taken a liking to a new crowd that's influenced their personalities, or perhaps that I've matured in more ways than none and they can't seem to keep up. I've made a lot of new friends, but it's still important to keep the old ones. It might not be for them, but it is for me. I just wish they saw that...
Home:
When I come home, it doesn't feel the same. Because of the renovations in our basement, I'm unable to have people over to watch movies because it's all torn up. My house was the place to go. I can't even have people over anymore--so what does it function as now? Just a place for me to sleep and then leave because there's nothing to do? I don't want it to be like that, but it is. It's not a home anymore. It's just a house. A house that I can't even recognize with its changes.
Family:
This goes hand in hand with the house. I hate coming home because my mom's boyfriend, Myron, is constantly over. He hasn't technically moved in, but in my eyes he has. I'm obviously not comfortable with this unwanted invasion, but of course my mom is too 'in love'. ..More like INsensitive. I asked her this weekend to maybe show less affection to Myron in front of me because it makes me uncomfortable. It wasn't rude at all to not want to see PDA. I don't like seeing it with anyone. She really hurt me in saying, "Anne, I just think you need to deal with it." I feel like i've lost my own mother. She doesn't care about my feelings at all, and it seems to me that she's starting a new life and doesn't want me to be in it. Myron had his 3 kids over today, unannounced to me, and they had mentioned something last night about having a BBQ. I just assumed that it would be for dinner, because who grills steaks for lunch? I put in a pot pie around 2, and as it was microwaving, my mom and Myron walk in saying, "Okay, ready to eat?" I was shocked because they diliberately hadn't told me the plans so they could "ACCIDENTALLY" leave me out. I just ate my pot pie and went upstairs. They didn't even invite me to sit outside with them...at my own house. She's trying to push me out of her life, and only has room for Myron and his kids, who are perfect by the way. Also, with my dad, it seems like I never see him or talk to him anymore. He's either in Texas or he's in Alexandria. When he's in Texas, he's with Vicky. When he's in Alexandria, he's either with Vicky, or talking to Vicky on the phone. He's obviously too busy with being 'in love' to spend time with me. If you think I'm just being bitter, here's an example. When I went to Texas to meet her, he only spent time with her. When I drove all the way to Duluth to spend time with him, he was outside for the duration of the time we had together, talking on the phone to her.
I understand my parents want to spend time and cherish the moments they have with the new people in their lives, but it's also important for them to realize that I still need them. I am their daughter, and just because they've found a significant other, doesn't mean they're not my parents anymore.
I'm lost.
I hope I'm able to find my way back home.
I feel so lost with everything I'm going through.
I don't have a job, I lost a lot of friends, I don't have a home or memories to fall back on, I even feel lost because it feels like I have no family.
That was my thesis statement, so I'll touch up on each of the subjects previously stated.
Job:
Nobody in Monticello seems to be hiring. It could be because the piece of crap we call the economy, or just because Monticello hates me. I've applied at so many places, but haven't gotten called back from a single one. Hopefully Culver's will call me back, because they hire everyone. I'll feel like an even bigger failure if I can't even get hired there.
Friends:
I still have the same friends I did in high school, don't get me wrong. They're all great and I'm really glad we've kept in touch. Unfortunately, it seems like a few of them have changed completely where I can't even recognize them anymore. College has pushed us in different directions and we're unable to have fun together anymore. Maybe it's because they're in new relationships taking up their lives, or that they've taken a liking to a new crowd that's influenced their personalities, or perhaps that I've matured in more ways than none and they can't seem to keep up. I've made a lot of new friends, but it's still important to keep the old ones. It might not be for them, but it is for me. I just wish they saw that...
Home:
When I come home, it doesn't feel the same. Because of the renovations in our basement, I'm unable to have people over to watch movies because it's all torn up. My house was the place to go. I can't even have people over anymore--so what does it function as now? Just a place for me to sleep and then leave because there's nothing to do? I don't want it to be like that, but it is. It's not a home anymore. It's just a house. A house that I can't even recognize with its changes.
Family:
This goes hand in hand with the house. I hate coming home because my mom's boyfriend, Myron, is constantly over. He hasn't technically moved in, but in my eyes he has. I'm obviously not comfortable with this unwanted invasion, but of course my mom is too 'in love'. ..More like INsensitive. I asked her this weekend to maybe show less affection to Myron in front of me because it makes me uncomfortable. It wasn't rude at all to not want to see PDA. I don't like seeing it with anyone. She really hurt me in saying, "Anne, I just think you need to deal with it." I feel like i've lost my own mother. She doesn't care about my feelings at all, and it seems to me that she's starting a new life and doesn't want me to be in it. Myron had his 3 kids over today, unannounced to me, and they had mentioned something last night about having a BBQ. I just assumed that it would be for dinner, because who grills steaks for lunch? I put in a pot pie around 2, and as it was microwaving, my mom and Myron walk in saying, "Okay, ready to eat?" I was shocked because they diliberately hadn't told me the plans so they could "ACCIDENTALLY" leave me out. I just ate my pot pie and went upstairs. They didn't even invite me to sit outside with them...at my own house. She's trying to push me out of her life, and only has room for Myron and his kids, who are perfect by the way. Also, with my dad, it seems like I never see him or talk to him anymore. He's either in Texas or he's in Alexandria. When he's in Texas, he's with Vicky. When he's in Alexandria, he's either with Vicky, or talking to Vicky on the phone. He's obviously too busy with being 'in love' to spend time with me. If you think I'm just being bitter, here's an example. When I went to Texas to meet her, he only spent time with her. When I drove all the way to Duluth to spend time with him, he was outside for the duration of the time we had together, talking on the phone to her.
I understand my parents want to spend time and cherish the moments they have with the new people in their lives, but it's also important for them to realize that I still need them. I am their daughter, and just because they've found a significant other, doesn't mean they're not my parents anymore.
I'm lost.
I hope I'm able to find my way back home.