.wedding bells?.
oh what the fuck?! why is fate throwing the fact that i.m alone in my face! srsly...everytime i look up at the TV at work its like wedding week. wedding week on TV Land. wedding week on the Food Network (which actually interests me). people getting married right and fucking left. i went to matt.s wedding and cried...it was so touching and sweet. except for the fact that i went alone...not alone alone...went with mistress booglesworth. but still...i would have rather had like a guy friend there with me like justin or tory.
.weddings are going to be my future tis true (thanks to justins encouragement i haven.t given up on that dream)...but is it going to be IN my future? that i.m not so sure of. i.m ready to find someone to develop a relationship with. i.m sick of games and just wanting to be 'used' for sex. i tried looking for mister right now and i just can.t to it. i.m stuck...and there is NO ONE out there that feels the same. no one is a true hopeless romantic anymore. guys don.t a sense of chilvalry anymore...*le sigh*
.i have but one hope amongst all men...and he.s unhealthy for me...why?! wait...how? you might ask...i see him and i go weak...i go from being upstanding and dominant and confident to a scared child wanting to be held. he makes my stomach turn and knees weak and vision blurry and i damn near black out...who he is and how he is takes my breath away (and the sweet irony is i love the feeling, the rush of seeing him for the first time that day)...does he know this? no...not a fucking clue...why? because i.m chicken shit...i.m scared of both rejection and acceptance...i know he.s different because i don.t want to play mind games and seduce him...i don.t want to manipulate what little growing feeling he *may* have for me...i want to take my time with this one and yet i want it all right here right now. god i.m such a stupid silly girl...x.x; oh well...
.one of the things that scares me the most about him is that he.s blocked my eb and flow. i got over my ex far easier (and we KNOW what a nightmare that was) and far FASTER than i am this guy. crushes were even easier than my ex...seeing that i stand no chance with this guy i try to push him past and let the next come through but he won.t budge...he just stands there looking hot and smiles at me like he.s not going anyway. and it doesn.t help that every single night i have the exact same vampire dream about him at the exact same time...it.s freaky...*shrugs* oh well...i.m more than happy to have his friendship and if something else were to come if it then i know i would be happy and i know would do my best to enjoy it while i lasted. i.m scared to think of what he might say or do if he ever saw this...stop talking to me probably x.x; lol...*sigh*
.weddings are going to be my future tis true (thanks to justins encouragement i haven.t given up on that dream)...but is it going to be IN my future? that i.m not so sure of. i.m ready to find someone to develop a relationship with. i.m sick of games and just wanting to be 'used' for sex. i tried looking for mister right now and i just can.t to it. i.m stuck...and there is NO ONE out there that feels the same. no one is a true hopeless romantic anymore. guys don.t a sense of chilvalry anymore...*le sigh*
.i have but one hope amongst all men...and he.s unhealthy for me...why?! wait...how? you might ask...i see him and i go weak...i go from being upstanding and dominant and confident to a scared child wanting to be held. he makes my stomach turn and knees weak and vision blurry and i damn near black out...who he is and how he is takes my breath away (and the sweet irony is i love the feeling, the rush of seeing him for the first time that day)...does he know this? no...not a fucking clue...why? because i.m chicken shit...i.m scared of both rejection and acceptance...i know he.s different because i don.t want to play mind games and seduce him...i don.t want to manipulate what little growing feeling he *may* have for me...i want to take my time with this one and yet i want it all right here right now. god i.m such a stupid silly girl...x.x; oh well...
.one of the things that scares me the most about him is that he.s blocked my eb and flow. i got over my ex far easier (and we KNOW what a nightmare that was) and far FASTER than i am this guy. crushes were even easier than my ex...seeing that i stand no chance with this guy i try to push him past and let the next come through but he won.t budge...he just stands there looking hot and smiles at me like he.s not going anyway. and it doesn.t help that every single night i have the exact same vampire dream about him at the exact same time...it.s freaky...*shrugs* oh well...i.m more than happy to have his friendship and if something else were to come if it then i know i would be happy and i know would do my best to enjoy it while i lasted. i.m scared to think of what he might say or do if he ever saw this...stop talking to me probably x.x; lol...*sigh*