The end of 2009
I have an insatiable appetite for head colds it seems. The mother of all sinus infections was eventually slain only to allow for another head cold to take up residence inside my head as of yesterday. Fortunately there isn't any fever (that I have caught in the act at least) but the throat is under attack. I have whipped out the tea and honey as reinforcements. I swear, if I get another sinus infection after this though I just might scrape off my nose and be done with it.
I went into a pretty tight tail spin at the end of this year that I am only just now pulling out of. It was probably a combination of a lot of things; exhaustion, sickness and a profound shift in my faith being the top culprits. Any one of these alone are manageable, but all three at once is brutal. There were days I was almost as bad as I was back when I battled depression. Although, that statement might show a bit of denial on my part because the husbands says it was at least as bad for more time than I would like to admit.
Even though I am still sick, I am not bone tired any more. Interestingly enough, it was a movie (God can sometimes work through the strangest things!!!) that helped me make the needed final transition in a major part of my faith, letting go of old crap (which can be reeeeealy hard to do and very earth shattering) to step into something else. In this case it can only be described as uncomfortable mystery (letting go of answers to admit I have no answers but that somehow what we can't understand is better in the long run). I can't even begin to explain the whole thing, as its complicated and probably only makes sense in my own funky little brain any way. Basically though, a bunch of it is the fault of my "God and the Cosmos" class this semester, which was really only adding to a 5 yr meandering questioning of stuff in the Bible about heaven and hell and the crazy stuff that is added to it in Christian culture. Of course, that must include a questioning of whether God's nature is fundamentally love or judgment as well as a few other obnoxiously deep thoughts. Then the little things like, have we made to much out of the phrase "eternal life" than what was originally intended and what exactly do we mean by the word "salvation". You know, easy stuff like that. *snarky smile*.
The crazy part is that I realized that even if this life were all there is, even if the resurrection hadn't happened, even if there is nothing after we die... I would still want to follow the Jewish carpenter turned Rabbi named Jesus. Its just bonus that now that I am on the other side of this struggle I do think this isn't all there is, that the resurrection is real in more ways than one, and that there is something... something good... after this half life. (Just don't ask me to define that or describe what exactly it looks like because I only have inklings that are very fragile(cause that is all that is actually given in scripture), examples from flimsy experience, and a gut feeling I just can't shake.)
I went into a pretty tight tail spin at the end of this year that I am only just now pulling out of. It was probably a combination of a lot of things; exhaustion, sickness and a profound shift in my faith being the top culprits. Any one of these alone are manageable, but all three at once is brutal. There were days I was almost as bad as I was back when I battled depression. Although, that statement might show a bit of denial on my part because the husbands says it was at least as bad for more time than I would like to admit.
Even though I am still sick, I am not bone tired any more. Interestingly enough, it was a movie (God can sometimes work through the strangest things!!!) that helped me make the needed final transition in a major part of my faith, letting go of old crap (which can be reeeeealy hard to do and very earth shattering) to step into something else. In this case it can only be described as uncomfortable mystery (letting go of answers to admit I have no answers but that somehow what we can't understand is better in the long run). I can't even begin to explain the whole thing, as its complicated and probably only makes sense in my own funky little brain any way. Basically though, a bunch of it is the fault of my "God and the Cosmos" class this semester, which was really only adding to a 5 yr meandering questioning of stuff in the Bible about heaven and hell and the crazy stuff that is added to it in Christian culture. Of course, that must include a questioning of whether God's nature is fundamentally love or judgment as well as a few other obnoxiously deep thoughts. Then the little things like, have we made to much out of the phrase "eternal life" than what was originally intended and what exactly do we mean by the word "salvation". You know, easy stuff like that. *snarky smile*.
The crazy part is that I realized that even if this life were all there is, even if the resurrection hadn't happened, even if there is nothing after we die... I would still want to follow the Jewish carpenter turned Rabbi named Jesus. Its just bonus that now that I am on the other side of this struggle I do think this isn't all there is, that the resurrection is real in more ways than one, and that there is something... something good... after this half life. (Just don't ask me to define that or describe what exactly it looks like because I only have inklings that are very fragile(cause that is all that is actually given in scripture), examples from flimsy experience, and a gut feeling I just can't shake.)