what is it i really want?
seriously
what is it i really want?
i had a dream about an ex-boyfriend last night
he was the most emotional relationship
i ever had before i met justin
we laughed, cried, screamed, lot's of shit
and it ended badly
but last night
i saw him in my dream
and it was sad
he looked old, not age old, but in his eyes
the pain there made me cry, in the dream, not real life
it has haunted me all day, but why?
i've never wanted him back, since we went our seperate ways, it was a relationship that i tried to end for several months before i finally did. it ended with a bloody nose, and two black eyes, one for each of us, and me with the nose situation. the thing is, i still don't want him back, i just am....
-Haunted.
it's left me with a wierd feeling all day, it's started me thinking about things i shouldn't, things i haven't in forever, and people i have no other reason to think about. all my ex's have crossed my mind, old flames, even one night stands. the thing is there's only a very small few who still cause tumultuous feelings. two actually. and it's weird, i have justin, and he makes me happy, but always in the back of my mind, there's this little whisper saying "for how long?" "how long will he keep you content?" what if he can't, what if i'm somehow damaged by my past, and can never be totally content. always wondering what else is out there, and what i left behind, that's the thing though, those two people- i didn't ever leave them behind, i wasn't right for them. and i knew that, and they knew that. and now we're friends. but still.....sometimes when im alone.....it can't be explained, it's an inner thing too personal for words, almost even thought.
what is it i really want?
i had a dream about an ex-boyfriend last night
he was the most emotional relationship
i ever had before i met justin
we laughed, cried, screamed, lot's of shit
and it ended badly
but last night
i saw him in my dream
and it was sad
he looked old, not age old, but in his eyes
the pain there made me cry, in the dream, not real life
it has haunted me all day, but why?
i've never wanted him back, since we went our seperate ways, it was a relationship that i tried to end for several months before i finally did. it ended with a bloody nose, and two black eyes, one for each of us, and me with the nose situation. the thing is, i still don't want him back, i just am....
-Haunted.
it's left me with a wierd feeling all day, it's started me thinking about things i shouldn't, things i haven't in forever, and people i have no other reason to think about. all my ex's have crossed my mind, old flames, even one night stands. the thing is there's only a very small few who still cause tumultuous feelings. two actually. and it's weird, i have justin, and he makes me happy, but always in the back of my mind, there's this little whisper saying "for how long?" "how long will he keep you content?" what if he can't, what if i'm somehow damaged by my past, and can never be totally content. always wondering what else is out there, and what i left behind, that's the thing though, those two people- i didn't ever leave them behind, i wasn't right for them. and i knew that, and they knew that. and now we're friends. but still.....sometimes when im alone.....it can't be explained, it's an inner thing too personal for words, almost even thought.