They Don't Call It "The Shit" For Nothing
I decided I really need to start updating this journal. Afghanistan is quite the environmental shocker compared to Pakistan, since I last updated this thing. Now that the Spring season is cooking up, so are all the pissed off religous fanatics around here. Not to mention every soldier with a happy trigger finger is ready to get sum. Today was a real eye-opener for me. Circling around, knowing your own men are gettin blasted at and dying on the ground, watching the shit unfold is pretty sobering feeling. Deep down in my gut, I know we were 20 minutes from flying right into the shit. THe kinda shit that had the very potential of blowing us right outta the sky. This shit is no laughing matter. Its not a joke anymore. Its not a fantasy. Its not just a news headline. Its not just some shit hole I can turn my back on. I'm involved now and there is no other way to exaggerate this. A man died today. Didn't even get a chance to come back and enjoy the warm dinner I ate tonight.
I used to contemplate and try to rationalize the concept of "free will." Do things happen for a reason or are they just completely coincidental. The world may never know. All I know is after todays blunder, its the uncertainities and bad calls that seemed to have saved our lives in the end. 20 minutes. 20 minutes is nothing in the world back home. Its the time it takes for your meal to get delivered to your table at the local restaraunt. Its the time it takes to jump in the shower and out. The time it takes to drive to work. Its the time it took to clear us away from a full on ground attack. That shit just doesn't happen for a reason. Its not an accident that a couple hundred souls were spared.
I really don't know if it was all worth it, to lose a good man. You wish you could have prevented it. Maybe we should have planned better. Or maybe we could have just aborted. Maybe the bad weather was a sign. Maybe the last-minute changes were a sign. The one man could have been spared if we never would have left in the first place. Then again, was his life worth the pile of bodies we left behind, when I watched the smoking crater dissappear over the horizon?
1 Good Man for 2 Dozen potential Suicide Bombers? Thats not something I expect you to understand. But when your in the shit, it sounds like a sacrifice worth living. I mean, isn't that our job? To do the dirty work? To sacrifice to save others. If so, then I guess this mission was a success.
To the friend and family of a fallen comrade, my prayers and thoughts are with you. God bless your sacrifice.
I will never have all the answers.
chris xsargex
I used to contemplate and try to rationalize the concept of "free will." Do things happen for a reason or are they just completely coincidental. The world may never know. All I know is after todays blunder, its the uncertainities and bad calls that seemed to have saved our lives in the end. 20 minutes. 20 minutes is nothing in the world back home. Its the time it takes for your meal to get delivered to your table at the local restaraunt. Its the time it takes to jump in the shower and out. The time it takes to drive to work. Its the time it took to clear us away from a full on ground attack. That shit just doesn't happen for a reason. Its not an accident that a couple hundred souls were spared.
I really don't know if it was all worth it, to lose a good man. You wish you could have prevented it. Maybe we should have planned better. Or maybe we could have just aborted. Maybe the bad weather was a sign. Maybe the last-minute changes were a sign. The one man could have been spared if we never would have left in the first place. Then again, was his life worth the pile of bodies we left behind, when I watched the smoking crater dissappear over the horizon?
1 Good Man for 2 Dozen potential Suicide Bombers? Thats not something I expect you to understand. But when your in the shit, it sounds like a sacrifice worth living. I mean, isn't that our job? To do the dirty work? To sacrifice to save others. If so, then I guess this mission was a success.
To the friend and family of a fallen comrade, my prayers and thoughts are with you. God bless your sacrifice.
I will never have all the answers.
chris xsargex