My knees will soon fall from underneath me
I dont know what Im feeling right now. I havent cried in 2 days so thats an achievment. *knocks on wood* I really wish I could spend Thursday with him and have it just be normal and nice. No sex, just hanging out. I just know that if we were to hang out Id go for more because it makes me feel loved. In a guys mind sex doesnt equal love. It just feels good and has no emotional connection what so ever. Theres just no point in wanting him anymore because I just know I will fall very short of what I want. The love Im looking for from him. Only from him because hes had my heart for 4 months. I never hurt him, I tried my hardest and this is what I get. I get pushed aside because Im no longer important. At times like this I wish I had a family that actually gave a rats ass. I really want to be with my mom. Maybe itd take away the pain. My heart right now is a black hole. I feel no pain, I have no compassion. I just dont care anymore, but at the same time I do. I just dont want to. Right now I dont want any feelings at all. I dont want him, I dont want anyone. I want to sit alone and just let it be. Just let it fly away, drift far off, away from here. Please cant someone just make it stop. Make it go away. I cant take it much longer. He doesnt even care. Not one bit. If he did, he wouldnt treat me like he does. Hed let me cry to him and hed hold me. Hed tell me he loves me, that he wants to be with me. He doesnt care, He doesnt want me, Im not good enough, I dont try hard enough, but I try so much more than him. He wants it easy when it never will be. Nothing is ever easy. I know this because my life has NEVER been easy. I have good times but thay are soon taken away by something difficult. I just dont know what to want or feel anymore. Im done, restless.