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Urgh. This entry is finally getting written. Spent two days trying to write it. And then my computer shuts down and for some reason it didn't save. Like that whole autosave deal. Yeah, it didn't work.
I think a major lesson in life right now is that I need to just live. Stop trying to change things. Stop trying to control what's going on around me. Stop trying make everyone happy. Because you never know what tomorrow may bring. How things can turn 360 over night. How seeing someone after not seeing them for years can make you see them differently. When life is different. How falling asleep curled up next to someone could completely change the way your heart feels.
I know I don't get a lot of things right, but at this very moment things feel right. And that's all that really matters. Right now. Not trying to bring back the past. Not trying to control the future.
I had another amazing weekend.
Friday Matt was supposed to come over, but his van died and he couldn't. Made me sad. I even cleaned my room for him! It was totally trashed. I haven't touched it since moving. Actually, I just took everything off the floor and moved it into the closet. That's gonna be a bitch when it comes time to move back into my room, but I won't have to worry about that until Summer. I was just sad I didn't get to see him even though it would have only been for a little bit. I just really enjoy being with him.
He did come over Saturday after he got done with work, though.
Saturday was insane. My sister came over around 2 with Ashley and Randy. I was in like full shaking anxiet mode by like 330. The kids were being their usual selves and fighting nonstop. And my sister is off her meds. and it's hard to follow her. She's just everywhere with her thoughts. And it irritates me that everyone in my family is like "She's fine. She doesn't needs to be on medication. She doesn't need to be in therapy." Because she does. I mean, I love my sister to death. She's one of my heroes in life. I look up to her so much for all the bullshit life has put her though, but I'm not going to sit and deny that she has problems. Just like my family does. Just like they do with me.
Anyway.... So, Matt came over for dinner after he was done with work. Mom didn't bombard him with a million questions or telling any hella embaressing stories that I know of. Which I am thankful for.
After that, Adam ((Matt's room mate)) came and got us after him and a bunch of their friends who I don't remember their names got done with seeing a movie. We went back to the Boro. Matt introduced me to a bunch of people on his floor. And we chilled there all night.
Oh! And so, all night Matt kept telling me he had a surprise for me. And like I thought maybe I knew what it was, but then he was like "they are taking forever to make it." And I was all thrown off. I couldn't imagine what on earth it could be. Then he gets a phone call and left. Next thing I know Jen comes walking through the door with Dan! Quite possibly one of the best surprises. Ever. I like ran across the room and tackle hugged Jen. And then gave Matt a huge hug. And then I gave Dan a hug because I didn't want him to feel left out. lol
They left after a little bit.
I stayed the night there.
Seriously, falling asleep next this kid is amazing. He makes me feel safe. And like things are okay. Time goes by far too fast when I am with him. And far too slow when I am without him. And I'm counting down every second until I get to see him again.
**sighs**
This weekend is gonna be a bitch. I have to do a whole bunch of homework that I won't be able to do next weekend. I have projects due and tests to study for. Home next weekend. Lunch with Carol Saturday. I miss that girl like woah. We are going to eat at this place down on the bayfront that pretty much has the most amazing chicken wraps. Seriously. And I am taking my camera this time so that I can take pictures out over the bay because it's kind of pretty. I wonder if there are still ducks. Maybe it's too cold for ducks. But I like ducks.
Nikki's show on Sunday. Still waiting for the dude to call me from Forward Hall. Everything is set except for the price.
Time with Matt at some point.
I really can't wait for next weekend.
It's funny how life just picks up and suddenly everything is different and beautiful.
Oh, and so, I went to hit save and realized that I left out a majorly important part! I now have a boyfriend. And he is totally and completely awesome. ((xo.))
There's a time and place for everything.
There's a reason why certain people meet.
There's a destination for everyone.
x.Mest.x
I think a major lesson in life right now is that I need to just live. Stop trying to change things. Stop trying to control what's going on around me. Stop trying make everyone happy. Because you never know what tomorrow may bring. How things can turn 360 over night. How seeing someone after not seeing them for years can make you see them differently. When life is different. How falling asleep curled up next to someone could completely change the way your heart feels.
I know I don't get a lot of things right, but at this very moment things feel right. And that's all that really matters. Right now. Not trying to bring back the past. Not trying to control the future.
I had another amazing weekend.
Friday Matt was supposed to come over, but his van died and he couldn't. Made me sad. I even cleaned my room for him! It was totally trashed. I haven't touched it since moving. Actually, I just took everything off the floor and moved it into the closet. That's gonna be a bitch when it comes time to move back into my room, but I won't have to worry about that until Summer. I was just sad I didn't get to see him even though it would have only been for a little bit. I just really enjoy being with him.
He did come over Saturday after he got done with work, though.
Saturday was insane. My sister came over around 2 with Ashley and Randy. I was in like full shaking anxiet mode by like 330. The kids were being their usual selves and fighting nonstop. And my sister is off her meds. and it's hard to follow her. She's just everywhere with her thoughts. And it irritates me that everyone in my family is like "She's fine. She doesn't needs to be on medication. She doesn't need to be in therapy." Because she does. I mean, I love my sister to death. She's one of my heroes in life. I look up to her so much for all the bullshit life has put her though, but I'm not going to sit and deny that she has problems. Just like my family does. Just like they do with me.
Anyway.... So, Matt came over for dinner after he was done with work. Mom didn't bombard him with a million questions or telling any hella embaressing stories that I know of. Which I am thankful for.
After that, Adam ((Matt's room mate)) came and got us after him and a bunch of their friends who I don't remember their names got done with seeing a movie. We went back to the Boro. Matt introduced me to a bunch of people on his floor. And we chilled there all night.
Oh! And so, all night Matt kept telling me he had a surprise for me. And like I thought maybe I knew what it was, but then he was like "they are taking forever to make it." And I was all thrown off. I couldn't imagine what on earth it could be. Then he gets a phone call and left. Next thing I know Jen comes walking through the door with Dan! Quite possibly one of the best surprises. Ever. I like ran across the room and tackle hugged Jen. And then gave Matt a huge hug. And then I gave Dan a hug because I didn't want him to feel left out. lol
They left after a little bit.
I stayed the night there.
Seriously, falling asleep next this kid is amazing. He makes me feel safe. And like things are okay. Time goes by far too fast when I am with him. And far too slow when I am without him. And I'm counting down every second until I get to see him again.
**sighs**
This weekend is gonna be a bitch. I have to do a whole bunch of homework that I won't be able to do next weekend. I have projects due and tests to study for. Home next weekend. Lunch with Carol Saturday. I miss that girl like woah. We are going to eat at this place down on the bayfront that pretty much has the most amazing chicken wraps. Seriously. And I am taking my camera this time so that I can take pictures out over the bay because it's kind of pretty. I wonder if there are still ducks. Maybe it's too cold for ducks. But I like ducks.
Nikki's show on Sunday. Still waiting for the dude to call me from Forward Hall. Everything is set except for the price.
Time with Matt at some point.
I really can't wait for next weekend.
It's funny how life just picks up and suddenly everything is different and beautiful.
Oh, and so, I went to hit save and realized that I left out a majorly important part! I now have a boyfriend. And he is totally and completely awesome. ((xo.))
There's a time and place for everything.
There's a reason why certain people meet.
There's a destination for everyone.
x.Mest.x