xNobody's.Fault.But.My.Ownx
My teacher for my art class gave us only one artistic type assignment for the semester and that was to make a collage about ourselves due Tuesday. So, today I sat down today to find pictures and junk to fill up the page. That was the easy part. When it came time for me to turn over the page to explain it all-- to tell why the things I pasted to that paper represent me-- that's when I stuttered. I guess, I had this huge realization....
I don't really know who I am anymore. Like, I know who I used to be. And I know who I want to be. But neither one is me.
I used to be that crazy girl in the middle of a party. Drink in hand. Everyone's eyes on me. I knew how to grab everyone's attention. And keep it. Or I would be that girl that everyone knew at all the shows. I loved always being surrounded by people. I loved the noise and smiles.
But somewhere along the line I lost myself. Somewhere I became more comfortable with the company of my ipod, crashing waves, and trashy romance novels. Somewhere I stopped standing out and started blending in.
Somewhere I lost those who mattered to me. I've lost touch. Please forgive me. Right now, it's 2am and I want to call up every single one of my long lost friends and appologize for being a horrible friend. Stop. Don't say I haven't been. I know I have. I haven't nearly been there for them as much as they have for me. I know I've always been a handful for anyone who has ever been a part of my life. I've never been easy to put up with. I don't know how many of you have saved me. How many of you have picked me up off the floor. How many of you have sat with me until I stoped crying and fell asleep. How many of you have been there for the ups and downs. How many of you have pushed my ass forward when I just wanted to quit.
God, I've been so fucking selfish. And I'm sorry. So, so sorry. Just know that deep inside.... I've always had good intentions. Really. One day, I'm gonna make it up to you.
And I don't know how many people I've fucked over during the years. So many people that I didn't give a fair chance to. I think the person I would most like to appologize to is Josh. I'm surprised that kid even still talks to me. We used to be so fucking close. And he was there for me during a time when I really just needed someone. He held my hand and kissed away all my tears, pain, and fears. But when he needed me.... I was never around. If I could go back and change that, I would in a heartbeat. I would be there. Past tense. He doesn't need me now.
And I can't help the lies that slip through my teeth. They are always backed with the best intentions. Promise. Really. My fingers aren't crossed. This time.
I have this idea that changing my address will just change everything that has happened. Every fuck up I've ever made. The list is long.
Expect e-mails. Phone calls. Text messages. Appologies are on there way from this shitty little girl.
Happybirthdayjoshuai<3you.
And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how
Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall
x.Oasis.x
I don't really know who I am anymore. Like, I know who I used to be. And I know who I want to be. But neither one is me.
I used to be that crazy girl in the middle of a party. Drink in hand. Everyone's eyes on me. I knew how to grab everyone's attention. And keep it. Or I would be that girl that everyone knew at all the shows. I loved always being surrounded by people. I loved the noise and smiles.
But somewhere along the line I lost myself. Somewhere I became more comfortable with the company of my ipod, crashing waves, and trashy romance novels. Somewhere I stopped standing out and started blending in.
Somewhere I lost those who mattered to me. I've lost touch. Please forgive me. Right now, it's 2am and I want to call up every single one of my long lost friends and appologize for being a horrible friend. Stop. Don't say I haven't been. I know I have. I haven't nearly been there for them as much as they have for me. I know I've always been a handful for anyone who has ever been a part of my life. I've never been easy to put up with. I don't know how many of you have saved me. How many of you have picked me up off the floor. How many of you have sat with me until I stoped crying and fell asleep. How many of you have been there for the ups and downs. How many of you have pushed my ass forward when I just wanted to quit.
God, I've been so fucking selfish. And I'm sorry. So, so sorry. Just know that deep inside.... I've always had good intentions. Really. One day, I'm gonna make it up to you.
And I don't know how many people I've fucked over during the years. So many people that I didn't give a fair chance to. I think the person I would most like to appologize to is Josh. I'm surprised that kid even still talks to me. We used to be so fucking close. And he was there for me during a time when I really just needed someone. He held my hand and kissed away all my tears, pain, and fears. But when he needed me.... I was never around. If I could go back and change that, I would in a heartbeat. I would be there. Past tense. He doesn't need me now.
And I can't help the lies that slip through my teeth. They are always backed with the best intentions. Promise. Really. My fingers aren't crossed. This time.
I have this idea that changing my address will just change everything that has happened. Every fuck up I've ever made. The list is long.
Expect e-mails. Phone calls. Text messages. Appologies are on there way from this shitty little girl.
Happybirthdayjoshuai<3you.
And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how
Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall
x.Oasis.x