xThis.Is.My.Sundownx
So, there's this 13-year-old girl on Buzznet who randomly messages me every now and then. Normally, I wouldn't even pay attention, but this girl really reminds me of myself at her age. So much that it's kinda scary. I'm kinda scared for the girl.
It's funny how people come and go, places change, the faces all different, but it's all so the same.
She talks of all the drama and bullshit.
And it's weird, I find myself missing it.
No, no. I miss the innocence of it all.
I miss the days when falling in love only took 3 days. And then in 5, you hated each other's guts.
I miss the days when I could look in the mirror and be okay with the girl looking back. I was never aware of what is to feel ugly.
I miss the days when my biggest fear was my parents. And the dark.
I didn't know what failure was.
I didn't know what it was like to be rejected. To compare myself to someone I don't even know. To feel as if my heart was smashed into a million pieces.
I was perfectly content with everything in my life.
Until one day, I woke up and become the disaster I am now.
No more innocence. I used it all up. I never guarded it like I should have. I threw it out to who ever was willing to take it.
It all just ended up in broken hearts. And bleeding wrists. Nights curled up on the bathroom floor. Crying so hard that I couldn't catch my breath.
I was always so dramatic. I guess, to a certain extent I still am. Always will be.
My biggest fear is still the dark. I hate it. Dark and silence. They will drive me crazy one day.
And I guard my heart so much now. But I know, I go about it all wrong. I think that if I keep whatever I am feeling inside, that it won't matter in the end. That if I don't say it, somehow.... Somehow, that makes it less real. But it still hurts none the less.
And now, I'm never content with what I have. I always want more. Or less. Or just something.
But I can say that, I'm so much better than I used to be. Really.
In about one hour and 20 minutes, I will be 20. Goodbye teenage years. Goodbye teen angst. Everything from here on out, is the real thing.
I see it around me, I see it in everything.
I could be so much more than this.
I said my goodbye's this is my sundown.
I'm gonna be so much more than this.
x.Jimmy.Eat.World.x
It's funny how people come and go, places change, the faces all different, but it's all so the same.
She talks of all the drama and bullshit.
And it's weird, I find myself missing it.
No, no. I miss the innocence of it all.
I miss the days when falling in love only took 3 days. And then in 5, you hated each other's guts.
I miss the days when I could look in the mirror and be okay with the girl looking back. I was never aware of what is to feel ugly.
I miss the days when my biggest fear was my parents. And the dark.
I didn't know what failure was.
I didn't know what it was like to be rejected. To compare myself to someone I don't even know. To feel as if my heart was smashed into a million pieces.
I was perfectly content with everything in my life.
Until one day, I woke up and become the disaster I am now.
No more innocence. I used it all up. I never guarded it like I should have. I threw it out to who ever was willing to take it.
It all just ended up in broken hearts. And bleeding wrists. Nights curled up on the bathroom floor. Crying so hard that I couldn't catch my breath.
I was always so dramatic. I guess, to a certain extent I still am. Always will be.
My biggest fear is still the dark. I hate it. Dark and silence. They will drive me crazy one day.
And I guard my heart so much now. But I know, I go about it all wrong. I think that if I keep whatever I am feeling inside, that it won't matter in the end. That if I don't say it, somehow.... Somehow, that makes it less real. But it still hurts none the less.
And now, I'm never content with what I have. I always want more. Or less. Or just something.
But I can say that, I'm so much better than I used to be. Really.
In about one hour and 20 minutes, I will be 20. Goodbye teenage years. Goodbye teen angst. Everything from here on out, is the real thing.
I see it around me, I see it in everything.
I could be so much more than this.
I said my goodbye's this is my sundown.
I'm gonna be so much more than this.
x.Jimmy.Eat.World.x