Hmm...
Hi! Long time no writing, LJ.
Man, I miss just writing in here about absolutely nothing. I think I may continue this. It is quite intense. Not really. But, lately, I have needed somewhere to just release.
Things are kind of awkward lately. I hate it, so much. My parents gain up on me and then loosen up and I don't know how to let things just roll off of my shoulder. I have been holding many grudges lately, I used to never do that. I have become such a jerk. I am mean to everyone and I don't even mean to be. I always say just kidding afterwards. I really don't mean to be such a bitch. I think I only get like that when things get fucked up around me. Then I feel fucked up. Shit.
Wow.
Yesterday was Ethan and my one year. That was pretty stellar. I'm not gonna lie. But, it wasn't very eventful. Shit happens though. We fought. We do that a lot. I don't like it. Sometimes I feel like he is only staying with me just so that he doesn't hurt my feelings like he did last time. It kind of sucks. I hate when I think like that. I think he knew how excited I was for our one year. Oh well....
He is going to be leaving me for college soooooooon. Well, not that soon, but it is coming up quite fast. Don't get me wrong, I am proud of him for getting accepted and going where he wants to go and all that jazz, but I am going to miss him with all of my heart. I don't think we'll last long after he goes away to college. He seems to keep talking about the distance and how it might split us apart but he doesn't want to break up, we'll see what happens as things hit us. That's what he said. I am nervous. I never want to leave him. He's my favorite, my best friend, and my boyfriend! Blah. We have been together so long and have gone through so much together. I can't imagine life without the kid. I love him.
More than anything else in this world. He is always there for me, and I for him. It just won't feel right.
I want things to be okay. I want Ethan and I to stop fighting over shit that doesn't even matter. I want him to stop being mad at me. I want to be happy and smile again for real. Its not really fair. Sometimes, I just want to forfit just stop being upset, but I can't bring myself to it. There are times when things are so great, we laugh, smile, joke, play, and just enjoy ourselves and each others company, but lately... we just argue. I HATE it. Just talking about it makes me want to scream and break things.
I am done venting on that topic. Sorry. I am apologizing to my own fucking journal. Thats pathetic. I'm not gonna lie.
My shits weak. Fo sho.
I wonder if anyone goes back to my journal to see if I had posted anything. I wonder who still updates their shit. I miss this. I'll be back, for real this time.
Katlan.
Man, I miss just writing in here about absolutely nothing. I think I may continue this. It is quite intense. Not really. But, lately, I have needed somewhere to just release.
Things are kind of awkward lately. I hate it, so much. My parents gain up on me and then loosen up and I don't know how to let things just roll off of my shoulder. I have been holding many grudges lately, I used to never do that. I have become such a jerk. I am mean to everyone and I don't even mean to be. I always say just kidding afterwards. I really don't mean to be such a bitch. I think I only get like that when things get fucked up around me. Then I feel fucked up. Shit.
Wow.
Yesterday was Ethan and my one year. That was pretty stellar. I'm not gonna lie. But, it wasn't very eventful. Shit happens though. We fought. We do that a lot. I don't like it. Sometimes I feel like he is only staying with me just so that he doesn't hurt my feelings like he did last time. It kind of sucks. I hate when I think like that. I think he knew how excited I was for our one year. Oh well....
He is going to be leaving me for college soooooooon. Well, not that soon, but it is coming up quite fast. Don't get me wrong, I am proud of him for getting accepted and going where he wants to go and all that jazz, but I am going to miss him with all of my heart. I don't think we'll last long after he goes away to college. He seems to keep talking about the distance and how it might split us apart but he doesn't want to break up, we'll see what happens as things hit us. That's what he said. I am nervous. I never want to leave him. He's my favorite, my best friend, and my boyfriend! Blah. We have been together so long and have gone through so much together. I can't imagine life without the kid. I love him.
More than anything else in this world. He is always there for me, and I for him. It just won't feel right.
I want things to be okay. I want Ethan and I to stop fighting over shit that doesn't even matter. I want him to stop being mad at me. I want to be happy and smile again for real. Its not really fair. Sometimes, I just want to forfit just stop being upset, but I can't bring myself to it. There are times when things are so great, we laugh, smile, joke, play, and just enjoy ourselves and each others company, but lately... we just argue. I HATE it. Just talking about it makes me want to scream and break things.
I am done venting on that topic. Sorry. I am apologizing to my own fucking journal. Thats pathetic. I'm not gonna lie.
My shits weak. Fo sho.
I wonder if anyone goes back to my journal to see if I had posted anything. I wonder who still updates their shit. I miss this. I'll be back, for real this time.
Katlan.