(no subject)
so i am sitting in my room writing angry letters to the government (as is my custom on thursday afternoons) and listening to the sounds of spring out my window - trans-block hollering, septa bus announcements, the ice cream man (hello!), and the sound of a weed wacker cutting weeds. 'Man,' i thought, 'for a second there i thought that was a big bumblebee.' Now, a bumble bee would have to be pretty fucking big to make a buzzing THAT intense. 'wait a minute,' thought I, 'there isnt any grass near my house. what weeds are being whacked?' so i get out of my chair and go across the room, an action that consists of simply turning my swivel chair and standing up. I go to the window and attempt to open the curtain to determine the identity of this whacker. i thought it would be my super, Lee, but then again he doesnt do any work around here, so i had my doubts.
So I reach up to move the curtain and lo and behold, a fucking huge bumblebee is chillin' not 3 inches from my hand. i mean this was probably the biggest bumblebee i have ever seen ever. he must have gotten in because i left part of the screen open, mostly for dropping keys down to street level. So i have to think quick. i dont want this bee going anywhere and making himself comfortable in my house. So i pick up a big empty beer glass (hoegaarden, if im correct) and decide to trap him in it. i make a clumsy move and end up trapping the motherfucker, but not before ripping off his back two legs and who knows how much else.
Well, my strategy wasnt so well thought out, because this fucker is pissed off and i have no exit plan. I am home alone, stuck to a wall looking eye to eye with this giant pissed off bumblebee and i cant move the glass because he's gonna fuck me up the second he gets the chance. During these excruciating seconds I'm thinking, 'did i rip off his stinger and now he's powerless? i wasnt willing to take that chance. Do bumblebee legs grow back? no, that's lizards. Is he gonna be attacked by his fellow bees and eaten because of his handicap? dont bees do that? is it more humane to kill him now?' Anyway, I manage to grab a piece of paper and do the whole paper-under-the-glass-trick. now ive got him in the glass and he keeps flying into the paper bottom, which is really creeping me out because i can feel how pissed he is through one piece of printer paper. i quickly reinforce the glass prison with a stray piece of cardboard, so i dont have to feel so immoral. i run through the house and throw him into the back yard and disturb all the feral cats in their abandoned lot.
I planned to go out to my yard and lay in my hammock until i have to go to work, but it is really close to wear i dumped his mangled body. Sure, he might be dead by now, but they always think the killer is dead in the movies. I sure hope that bumblebee doesn't try to exact revenge, cause i really hate being stung. but then again, probably not as much as he hated getting his legs ripped off. maybe i shouldnt leave so much delicious pollen lying about my room.
So I reach up to move the curtain and lo and behold, a fucking huge bumblebee is chillin' not 3 inches from my hand. i mean this was probably the biggest bumblebee i have ever seen ever. he must have gotten in because i left part of the screen open, mostly for dropping keys down to street level. So i have to think quick. i dont want this bee going anywhere and making himself comfortable in my house. So i pick up a big empty beer glass (hoegaarden, if im correct) and decide to trap him in it. i make a clumsy move and end up trapping the motherfucker, but not before ripping off his back two legs and who knows how much else.
Well, my strategy wasnt so well thought out, because this fucker is pissed off and i have no exit plan. I am home alone, stuck to a wall looking eye to eye with this giant pissed off bumblebee and i cant move the glass because he's gonna fuck me up the second he gets the chance. During these excruciating seconds I'm thinking, 'did i rip off his stinger and now he's powerless? i wasnt willing to take that chance. Do bumblebee legs grow back? no, that's lizards. Is he gonna be attacked by his fellow bees and eaten because of his handicap? dont bees do that? is it more humane to kill him now?' Anyway, I manage to grab a piece of paper and do the whole paper-under-the-glass-trick. now ive got him in the glass and he keeps flying into the paper bottom, which is really creeping me out because i can feel how pissed he is through one piece of printer paper. i quickly reinforce the glass prison with a stray piece of cardboard, so i dont have to feel so immoral. i run through the house and throw him into the back yard and disturb all the feral cats in their abandoned lot.
I planned to go out to my yard and lay in my hammock until i have to go to work, but it is really close to wear i dumped his mangled body. Sure, he might be dead by now, but they always think the killer is dead in the movies. I sure hope that bumblebee doesn't try to exact revenge, cause i really hate being stung. but then again, probably not as much as he hated getting his legs ripped off. maybe i shouldnt leave so much delicious pollen lying about my room.