(no subject)
i wrote a piece a long time ago for a zine about how people who dedicate their lives to bands are stupid. it wasn't really about that, but it came off that way. that the dream is not suited to our society. i have some close friends i would do anything for so that they could remain in their dream world. when there isn't anyone living the dream, what hope is there for the rest of us? it centered around the fact that the glory was fleeting. temporary. stupid. and the rest of the time they would struggle through menial jobs. even working at the venues that support their bands. so then there is a guitarist i worship one night, clearing my table the next. or checking my id. or hoping i tip higher than twenty percent so that he could get that guitar he wanted.
i've destroyed some people's dreams. i've told them that their dream was dead. their decisions at that moment mattered more than any other decision. they had to make a choice. a career or a dream. there is no middle ground. and they chose to let the dream die. and their friend's moved on. they keep touring. they keep releasing records. and so do we. but when we're done, my retirement is set. my house is paid off. my gear is great. but they lived the dream. they have tour stories for the rest of their days. they have songs and albums to show off.
lots of people ask me why i am so harsh to some and so nice to others. i saw it tonight.
i started taking guitar classes. i've 'played' guitar for years but never really learned chords. fretboard mechanics. etc. so i figured i'd get some basics via group class. i researched the instructions and picked out an old rock n roll dude. he was living the dream. his job was playing guitar. seemed legit.
he was okay to start. kind of jumbled in his teaching but i progressed through each session. then tonight he shows up late. everyone is chomping at the bit. and then he breaks.
his hair isn't in a ponytail. it's hanging over his shoulders down his back. and he starts to talk. about how the establishment is holding us back. how the school is a sham and the lessons aren't teaching us to be musicians. we're going to be in a band. he keeps repeating that. we're all in a band. we have to pick a name. we have to talk about how we're going to play skip to my lou. and he just keeps rambling. he doesn't want to teach chords anymore. just musicianship. rhythm. feel.
i appreciate that. but i signed up for rote, boring guitar knowledge. i was going to go through all the levels of bullshit to learn from a program and converge on my alternate playing style and figure how they intertwine but he wants me to feel it.
then we play. it's forced. it's terrible. no pressure he says. over and over. no pressure. of course there is pressure. i only know three chords. we aren't a band. we're a group class on tuesday night. we all have jobs. he rants about money. how this is his work. it's our leisure. and how the cost of the class isn't worth what we are learning. boring. boring. boring. he won't stop. we're a band now.
i'm the band member that quits. i'm the band member that walks out. i'm the band member that goes and complains to the front desk to get my money back or transferred to another class. i'm sorry for the forty year old who has never tried life at a career. who believed music would set them free. i'm the band member that tells you i told you so when you were eighteen. twenty one. twenty five. thirty.
being in a band sucks. compromise on song structures. moving gear. different personalities. tardiness. inconvenience. technical difficulties. infinite terribleness that can never be properly conveyed. but nothing beats creating something new. something you and a group of people pulled out of influences, emotion, and instrumental proficiency.
and tomorrow i'll go to work. i'll listen to my ipod filled with songs. i'll read about shows i want to go to and interesting pedals and gear. my money will be spent supporting the dreamers. in an abstract. cents. dollars. hundreds. thousands. to enable them. this. this is a g chord. and i don't want to be in your band or enable your dream any longer. it doesn't suit you and i'm sorry it took you so long to realize.
i've destroyed some people's dreams. i've told them that their dream was dead. their decisions at that moment mattered more than any other decision. they had to make a choice. a career or a dream. there is no middle ground. and they chose to let the dream die. and their friend's moved on. they keep touring. they keep releasing records. and so do we. but when we're done, my retirement is set. my house is paid off. my gear is great. but they lived the dream. they have tour stories for the rest of their days. they have songs and albums to show off.
lots of people ask me why i am so harsh to some and so nice to others. i saw it tonight.
i started taking guitar classes. i've 'played' guitar for years but never really learned chords. fretboard mechanics. etc. so i figured i'd get some basics via group class. i researched the instructions and picked out an old rock n roll dude. he was living the dream. his job was playing guitar. seemed legit.
he was okay to start. kind of jumbled in his teaching but i progressed through each session. then tonight he shows up late. everyone is chomping at the bit. and then he breaks.
his hair isn't in a ponytail. it's hanging over his shoulders down his back. and he starts to talk. about how the establishment is holding us back. how the school is a sham and the lessons aren't teaching us to be musicians. we're going to be in a band. he keeps repeating that. we're all in a band. we have to pick a name. we have to talk about how we're going to play skip to my lou. and he just keeps rambling. he doesn't want to teach chords anymore. just musicianship. rhythm. feel.
i appreciate that. but i signed up for rote, boring guitar knowledge. i was going to go through all the levels of bullshit to learn from a program and converge on my alternate playing style and figure how they intertwine but he wants me to feel it.
then we play. it's forced. it's terrible. no pressure he says. over and over. no pressure. of course there is pressure. i only know three chords. we aren't a band. we're a group class on tuesday night. we all have jobs. he rants about money. how this is his work. it's our leisure. and how the cost of the class isn't worth what we are learning. boring. boring. boring. he won't stop. we're a band now.
i'm the band member that quits. i'm the band member that walks out. i'm the band member that goes and complains to the front desk to get my money back or transferred to another class. i'm sorry for the forty year old who has never tried life at a career. who believed music would set them free. i'm the band member that tells you i told you so when you were eighteen. twenty one. twenty five. thirty.
being in a band sucks. compromise on song structures. moving gear. different personalities. tardiness. inconvenience. technical difficulties. infinite terribleness that can never be properly conveyed. but nothing beats creating something new. something you and a group of people pulled out of influences, emotion, and instrumental proficiency.
and tomorrow i'll go to work. i'll listen to my ipod filled with songs. i'll read about shows i want to go to and interesting pedals and gear. my money will be spent supporting the dreamers. in an abstract. cents. dollars. hundreds. thousands. to enable them. this. this is a g chord. and i don't want to be in your band or enable your dream any longer. it doesn't suit you and i'm sorry it took you so long to realize.