In to the dorms and aware of myself...
I am, as of now, moved in to my dorm room. I have internet access, my card works, and my brain spews out a new idea for writing every couple of minutes. Today is indeed a good day folks.
I did a ton of laundry yesterday, about eight loads, and restocked my supply of clothes for my dorm room. I now have three full drawers of my dresser at the dorm filled with clothes, and half a dozen shirts hanging in my closet. On top of that, I have all my toiletries back here as well, and I don't intend to move them home any time soon. I have no television here, nor do I have an unlimited supply of food or snacks, so that should be less distraction as well.
I mentioned I have internet access. This is true (otherwise I wouldn't be able to write this and then send it) but as to how or why is still a bit of a mystery to me. Perhaps I needed to restart my computer with my ethernet cable plugged in. I thought I had tried that already. Maybe the internet wasn't hooked up before today's date. This seems like a possibility as I wasn't supposed to move in until yesterday. However I think the biggest problem may have been with the way I was trying to connect to the internet. First of all, it was set to automatically connect with wireless if possible. This, indeed, is feasible, however the ethernet connection is much better than wireless as my only wireless connection was coming from the Campus Center. Make that the Ray VandenHeuvel Family Campus Center. Good grief, is that a long enough name? The actual problem I believe is because I had my computer set up at home to connect to the saint norbert college internet with a proxy server. This would be silly to do while using the saint norbert college internet connection, so perhaps this loop is what caused the lapse in internet connection.
My card does work now, and probably worked yesterday as well. I got so fed up with the stupid thing not cooperating that I completely boycotted the college campus and anything affiliated with it. I figured instead of getting angry and throwing things through breakable items (such as chairs through windows) I would much prefer to save my energy (and money) and just wait until JUNE. Now that June has arrived my anger has recessed and my card works. Huzzah!
Finally on to the main reason I logged on to livejournal to begin with. I sat down on my bed in here and just started getting comfortable when I shot up like a rocket (okay, maybe slowly got up like an eight and a half month pregnant woman) and wrote down a new idea for writing. Then I watered my plants and got another idea, so I wrote that one down as well. I should mention that the bed and watering of plants are not represented at all in the writing, so I fail to understand where the ideas came from.
However I now have over a page of ideas (just short little tidbits of ideas, really) and I am still going. They all seem to deal with middle-class individuals, so I think they may just work together in a series of short stories. God, how cool would that be to publish a book of short stories? In any case, I do believe I have found my audience and my inspiration. It comes in handy that I live in such a world, does it not?
One major thing that came up in my ideas was this: Everyone seems to hate others, though the reasoning is rarely clear. Middle class people hate the poor because they don't seem to try to get out of their situation and be successful, yet isn't that the exact same thing that rich people hate about the middle class and the middle class resents about the rich? In a way, aren't there middle class people just hating themselves? It all seems to come back to a self hatred. Maybe the reason some rich people are so successful is because they are comfortable with themselves and can therefore use their energy for good purposes, or at least for money-making purposes.
This made me think about myself a bit more, something I always loathe to do. I feel very insecure about myself, and it would seem the defense mechanism I found to make myself more secure has accomplished just the opposite. I have a fear of heights and roller-coasters, so I hesitated to accept my brother's invitation to go along on a trip to Six Flags. I turned down almost all of the offers for roller coasters save for one. In the line of the Batman ride, I wanted so badly to turn around and leave, but I didn't want to let everyone down and show the people I was with what a total chicken I am. Peer pressure is a powerful thing. Instead I continued on, all the way to the top and waited to be seated on the ride. I didn't fit. As terrible as I felt for being too fat to go on the ride, I had a moment of thought something like "oh thank god!" that truly shook me to the core. I was HAPPY that I was too fat!
Now that I am aware of this, I started looking for more ways that I am psycologically forcing myself to be fat. I am also insecure with my sexual abilities, so being fat prevents me from worrying about it because I'm too fat to be sexy. Yeah, I know. I'mm screwed up majorly. I also have a fear of losing all my money or spending too much on frivolous things. One such thing includes clothing. Have you seen the price tags on items in American Eagle or Abercrombie and Fitch stores? My screwed up little brain then says "well, you won't have to spend all that money looking good if you are too nasty or fat to wear the clothes from there."
However I do have a plan to resolve this issue. I plan to type up a big sign that says "Just because you can, doesn't mean you have to." Hopefully this will remind me that even though I could ride a roller coaster or fit into AE clothes, or have sex every night with someone new, it doesn't mean I have to, AND just because I can eat fatty, unhealthy foods for an hour straight, it doesn't mean I have to.
I did a ton of laundry yesterday, about eight loads, and restocked my supply of clothes for my dorm room. I now have three full drawers of my dresser at the dorm filled with clothes, and half a dozen shirts hanging in my closet. On top of that, I have all my toiletries back here as well, and I don't intend to move them home any time soon. I have no television here, nor do I have an unlimited supply of food or snacks, so that should be less distraction as well.
I mentioned I have internet access. This is true (otherwise I wouldn't be able to write this and then send it) but as to how or why is still a bit of a mystery to me. Perhaps I needed to restart my computer with my ethernet cable plugged in. I thought I had tried that already. Maybe the internet wasn't hooked up before today's date. This seems like a possibility as I wasn't supposed to move in until yesterday. However I think the biggest problem may have been with the way I was trying to connect to the internet. First of all, it was set to automatically connect with wireless if possible. This, indeed, is feasible, however the ethernet connection is much better than wireless as my only wireless connection was coming from the Campus Center. Make that the Ray VandenHeuvel Family Campus Center. Good grief, is that a long enough name? The actual problem I believe is because I had my computer set up at home to connect to the saint norbert college internet with a proxy server. This would be silly to do while using the saint norbert college internet connection, so perhaps this loop is what caused the lapse in internet connection.
My card does work now, and probably worked yesterday as well. I got so fed up with the stupid thing not cooperating that I completely boycotted the college campus and anything affiliated with it. I figured instead of getting angry and throwing things through breakable items (such as chairs through windows) I would much prefer to save my energy (and money) and just wait until JUNE. Now that June has arrived my anger has recessed and my card works. Huzzah!
Finally on to the main reason I logged on to livejournal to begin with. I sat down on my bed in here and just started getting comfortable when I shot up like a rocket (okay, maybe slowly got up like an eight and a half month pregnant woman) and wrote down a new idea for writing. Then I watered my plants and got another idea, so I wrote that one down as well. I should mention that the bed and watering of plants are not represented at all in the writing, so I fail to understand where the ideas came from.
However I now have over a page of ideas (just short little tidbits of ideas, really) and I am still going. They all seem to deal with middle-class individuals, so I think they may just work together in a series of short stories. God, how cool would that be to publish a book of short stories? In any case, I do believe I have found my audience and my inspiration. It comes in handy that I live in such a world, does it not?
One major thing that came up in my ideas was this: Everyone seems to hate others, though the reasoning is rarely clear. Middle class people hate the poor because they don't seem to try to get out of their situation and be successful, yet isn't that the exact same thing that rich people hate about the middle class and the middle class resents about the rich? In a way, aren't there middle class people just hating themselves? It all seems to come back to a self hatred. Maybe the reason some rich people are so successful is because they are comfortable with themselves and can therefore use their energy for good purposes, or at least for money-making purposes.
This made me think about myself a bit more, something I always loathe to do. I feel very insecure about myself, and it would seem the defense mechanism I found to make myself more secure has accomplished just the opposite. I have a fear of heights and roller-coasters, so I hesitated to accept my brother's invitation to go along on a trip to Six Flags. I turned down almost all of the offers for roller coasters save for one. In the line of the Batman ride, I wanted so badly to turn around and leave, but I didn't want to let everyone down and show the people I was with what a total chicken I am. Peer pressure is a powerful thing. Instead I continued on, all the way to the top and waited to be seated on the ride. I didn't fit. As terrible as I felt for being too fat to go on the ride, I had a moment of thought something like "oh thank god!" that truly shook me to the core. I was HAPPY that I was too fat!
Now that I am aware of this, I started looking for more ways that I am psycologically forcing myself to be fat. I am also insecure with my sexual abilities, so being fat prevents me from worrying about it because I'm too fat to be sexy. Yeah, I know. I'mm screwed up majorly. I also have a fear of losing all my money or spending too much on frivolous things. One such thing includes clothing. Have you seen the price tags on items in American Eagle or Abercrombie and Fitch stores? My screwed up little brain then says "well, you won't have to spend all that money looking good if you are too nasty or fat to wear the clothes from there."
However I do have a plan to resolve this issue. I plan to type up a big sign that says "Just because you can, doesn't mean you have to." Hopefully this will remind me that even though I could ride a roller coaster or fit into AE clothes, or have sex every night with someone new, it doesn't mean I have to, AND just because I can eat fatty, unhealthy foods for an hour straight, it doesn't mean I have to.