please God, help me

[xaviermavier]

my heart aches.
i am the problem.
it is me, everything i am.
my personality warrants pain and anguish on myself that is unmatched in anyone i know.
and yet there is supposedly someone out there that wants this?
that wants the pain the anguish the heartache.
but who?
where is she?
why cant i meet someone who wants me for me?
not half of me or one side of my personality
but the whole thing.
the real me.
i want to meet her.
i want to meet anyone who wants me.
i dont care if she is hideously disfigured or a supermodel.
(i would prefer supermodel though)
i just want someone to like me.
all of me.
all the time.
i just wnt someon to share my time with.
someone who cares and can understand.
someone who will listen but also talk.
who wants to have fun but can be serious too.
who thinks kissing is a blast
but holding hands means something.
(i know that seems backwards, but to me holding hands means a connection an extended touch while kissing is more just physical i guess (not the right words but best i could think of))
someday she will come.
until then i guess i just have to learn and keep gettin hurt.
life sux i guess until that day.
hopefully that day is soon.