(no subject)
Things have gotten a little worse for me lately. The company I work, or should say worked, for ran into some legal issues and laid off 95% of its staff. I was literally the last to go. My supervisor thought cuts were done and the heads came back and told her to cut more. She only cut two more people, me being one of them, because the place wouldn't have been able to function at all with any less. They are still open and hoping they will be able to bring people back in. The website is back up so it seems likely. I was really worried for a minute as I'm not eligible for unemployment benefits until April 6th. But the check I received today was only a little over $100 less then my normal paycheck (even though there was only a week of work on it. But they canceled my benefits and used some vacation time) so that will last me until then. Also it looks like I lined up another job starting May 5th. It pays more so even if they called me back, I'd take the other position. But its another customer service job. I really didn't go to school for 4 and a half years to listen to people complain. I was meant to do more with my life I thought.
Michigan is a horrible place to be looking for work, especially for a new graduate. There seem to be many job openings but they all have so much competition. The person with 5+ years of experience always beats the new college grad. I can't even seem to get my foot in the door. It's getting really frustrating now.
I know I'd have more luck if I moved. My mom has been trying to convince me to move to Arizona since she left. There are so many more opportunities there. But I can't leave, not now. I remember taking a survey a while ago that asked "If you were in a serious relationship with someone you loved deeply and then was offered the job of your dreams 2,000 miles away, would you take it?" I always answered yes, of course I would. But now....I can't. I can't even bring myself to apply for those jobs. I don't want to leave Shaun. I think it would break me. I've lacked love my whole life and have waited for someone like him, someone who could look me in the eyes and tell me they loved me. Someone who, it would seem, do anything for me. I can't leave him. Sometimes I find myself wishing he would do something that made me hate him...so I could just run away somewhere else and escape. But that bastard isnt making things that easy.
Michigan doesn't hold anything good for me. It just seems one bad thing happens after the next. I've lost touch with most of my friends. I'm really unhappy when I'm not with him. He left for a trip early yesterday and won't be back till late Monday. What do I do? I bought some Vodka. I shouldn't have to either be with Shaun or numb my emotions with Alcohol. I should be able to be happy on my own.
I don't know what I should do. Should I stay for him? Even though we are in love now...who knows what the future holds. I know thats a pessimistic thought but I stayed in Grand Rapids for another guy after I graduated. But really...that was truly foolish. He didn't love me, I didn't love him. Hell, we were just "dating" anyway. We were never together. I stayed hoping it would turn into more. Should I continue to stay hoping Shaun will be "the one"? Is that still foolish? I don't know.
What I really need is an adventure. Just to get out of town for a while. Maybe go to Korea or Japan for a year and be a ESL teacher. It would just be a year. If Shaun really loved me he would wait. If he didn't...I guess its good it good I found out now than investing more of myself into this relationship. I think I should apply. Then come back in a year and pick up where I left off. Go back to school like I planned...I've already been accepted into Western Michigan Educational Leadership graduate program. Would that make me a little happier? I don't know. Happiness has always been a mystery to me.
Michigan is a horrible place to be looking for work, especially for a new graduate. There seem to be many job openings but they all have so much competition. The person with 5+ years of experience always beats the new college grad. I can't even seem to get my foot in the door. It's getting really frustrating now.
I know I'd have more luck if I moved. My mom has been trying to convince me to move to Arizona since she left. There are so many more opportunities there. But I can't leave, not now. I remember taking a survey a while ago that asked "If you were in a serious relationship with someone you loved deeply and then was offered the job of your dreams 2,000 miles away, would you take it?" I always answered yes, of course I would. But now....I can't. I can't even bring myself to apply for those jobs. I don't want to leave Shaun. I think it would break me. I've lacked love my whole life and have waited for someone like him, someone who could look me in the eyes and tell me they loved me. Someone who, it would seem, do anything for me. I can't leave him. Sometimes I find myself wishing he would do something that made me hate him...so I could just run away somewhere else and escape. But that bastard isnt making things that easy.
Michigan doesn't hold anything good for me. It just seems one bad thing happens after the next. I've lost touch with most of my friends. I'm really unhappy when I'm not with him. He left for a trip early yesterday and won't be back till late Monday. What do I do? I bought some Vodka. I shouldn't have to either be with Shaun or numb my emotions with Alcohol. I should be able to be happy on my own.
I don't know what I should do. Should I stay for him? Even though we are in love now...who knows what the future holds. I know thats a pessimistic thought but I stayed in Grand Rapids for another guy after I graduated. But really...that was truly foolish. He didn't love me, I didn't love him. Hell, we were just "dating" anyway. We were never together. I stayed hoping it would turn into more. Should I continue to stay hoping Shaun will be "the one"? Is that still foolish? I don't know.
What I really need is an adventure. Just to get out of town for a while. Maybe go to Korea or Japan for a year and be a ESL teacher. It would just be a year. If Shaun really loved me he would wait. If he didn't...I guess its good it good I found out now than investing more of myself into this relationship. I think I should apply. Then come back in a year and pick up where I left off. Go back to school like I planned...I've already been accepted into Western Michigan Educational Leadership graduate program. Would that make me a little happier? I don't know. Happiness has always been a mystery to me.