Merlin/HP crossover. PUT THE PITCHFORKS *DOWN*.
Appropriate icon is appropriate. For I present...
Tentative Title: What in the name of Merlin...?!
Rating: G ALL THE WAY, BABY.
Warnings: Excessive silliness? Misuse of wizard swears? IDEK.
Summary: Merlin lands in Hogwarts, and everyone is surprised.
AN: Written for the gorgeous and delectable phantomjam 's birthday, egged on by wickednotevil and xrysomou *shifts blame like woah*. I hope none of them come after me with sporks feel let down by this crossover.
*runs for the hills*
Merlin was getting used to landing with a bump; working for Arthur, it was something you learned to get good at. The number of times a week Arthur decided taking his servant out to whack him with a stick was a good idea was something incredible.
But this was something different. Normally when he landed, the world around him stayed the same. Evidently, Arthur had landed one hell of a hit.
The castle was still there, thankfully - but where had the town gone? Where was Ca? Where Broad Street had been was only a long, smooth driveway, and where the houses and marketplaces had been - nothing but smooth green lawns. Something was very, very wrong.
Initially, Merlin's first thought was ‘Nimueh’, but she was dead, and had been for several years. And no one had risen since her who could possibly have managed anything like this. Except...
....well. Him.
Had he done this to himself? He tried to think back, but all his memories were all fuzzy. Yes, Arthur had definitely given him concussion, and yes, they were going to be Having Words when Merlin next saw him.
Stupid Arthur with his stupid obsession with stupid swords.
Merlin hated swords.
Bereft of all other ideas, he padded towards the castle. Hopefully, the people inside it were still the same.
**
The courtyard Merlin was used to had disappeared, in favour of a gravel circle at the end of the long driveway, but the impressive flight of steps were still there. Even the door was still the same, Merlin thought, his hopes rising. Maybe he'd just - somehow, miraculously - managed to... vanish the entire town of Camelot.
Maybe going into the castle to face Uther wasn't the best idea.
His indecision was solved for him by a tall, very pale, very blond boy, wearing the most ridiculous cape Merlin had ever seen, and a deeply unpleasant sneer.
"Merlin, what are you wearing?!"
Merlin glowered at him. "Look, they’re my only clothes, OK?”
“That much is evident.” The boy sneered. “Merlin, you can’t expect us to believe anyone would wear that if they had any choice in the matter.”
“How do you know my name, anyway?" he asked, ignoring the jibe.
The blond boy looked taken aback for a moment, then started to laugh. "Your parents called you - you - Merlin?!" he turned to the - knights? - hulking at either side of him. "That is what I call a cruel irony!"
The knights nodded, but Merlin was willing to bet that they wouldn't know what 'irony' meant if it bit them. Which would be rather ironic.
"Hey, peasant, I'm talking to you."
"You're just like Arthur, you know." Merlin said, without thinking, and the boy's expression changed.
"What?!"
"Prince Arthur. You're exactly like him." he paused. "Have you seen him anywhere? I seem to have vanished Camelot, you see, and-"
"You're mad." the boy stared at him. "Where did you escape from?!"
"Leave him alone, Malfoy." A girl's voice said from behind him. "Are you lost?"
Since the question seemed to be directed at Merlin, he turned and offered her a rather confused shrug. "Um, not really?" he said, with a shrug. "I know the castle, I just don't know what I did with the town."
She gave him a strange look. "What town? D'you mean Hogsmeade?"
"Hogsmeade?" he stared. "Who named that?!"
"Oh, it's been here since Merlin's time." The girl said, airily. "They say he named it."
"Not it bloody hasn't, and no I didn't!" he said, with feeling.
Her face creased into a frown again. "I don't think we're understanding each other very well." She said, delicately, and the blond boy - Malfoy? - snorted.
"He's a bloody nutcase, that's why, Granger!"
"I am not!" Merlin cried. "You're the ones telling me I've named towns and that they've been here since my time when they weren't here yesterday!"
Granger - strange names they gave girls here - gave him a long, silent look. "I think," she said, slowly, "I'd better introduce myself - you seem a little confused."
"A little?!" Merlin and Malfoy said at the same time.
"I'm Hermione Granger." she said, still in that same, careful voice, "You're at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, and this is the year 2001."
**
Merlin stood staring at her for a long, horrible moment after that. "'Hogwarts'?" he said, weakly, after a too-long pause. "That's even worse that Hogsmeade."
"It's said that the four Founders - um, found - the name in some of Merlin’s writings. They’ve been lost now. "
"I promise you, I'd have better taste." he said, absently, mind racing.
"I'm sure you would." She agreed, quickly. “You know - um, Merlin - why don’t you... come into the castle with me, and we’ll go and visit Professor Dumbledore. He’s the Headmaster, you know.”
“Dumbledore?!”
Hermione’s lips twitched. “Yes, it is rather odd, isn’t it?” she agreed, opening the enormous castle door for him, and ushering him inside, shutting the door rather firmly against Malfoy’s continued taunts. “But he’s really very clever, you know. He’ll know what to do about you.”
“I don’t need anything done about me!” he protested.
“No, of course not.” She agreed, soothingly. Quite how a girl several years younger than him was soothing him, Merlin had no idea, but it seemed to be working rather well.
“You know,” he said, looking round the familiar corridors appreciatively, “I don’t know why these foundry people of yours didn’t just keep the name this place already had. It was a perfectly good name.”
Hermione frowned. “What name was that, then?” she asked, in the tone of one humouring a potentially dangerous lunatic.
“Camelot.” He said, vaguely, looking up at the new tapestries on the wall. “Did- wait, did that person just move!?”
People were crowding towards the edges of their picture frames and staring at him as he went past, and the tapestries were reaching out loose threads towards him as he moved past. Hermione, however, had stopped dead a few feet behind him, and was staring at him, much in the same way Merlin was staring, half aghast, half fascinated, by this open display of frivolous magic.
“Wait.” She said, very quickly. “Wait, wait, wait. You’re saying that - that this - that Hogwarts - was once Camelot!? Home of King Arthur? And the Knights of the Round Table!?”
“Uther.” He corrected her, politely. “Don’t worry, lots of people get it wrong the first time. King Uther. Arthur’s his son, I’m his manservant.” He frowned. “I’ve never heard of the Round Table though. The knights are a bit too, um, active for much sitting around.”
Hermione’s eyes were a little wild. “Wait, I don’t - you’re Arthur’s manservant!? But, you’re - you can’t be the same age!”
“Well, no.” Merlin agreed, fairly. “He’s a couple of years older than me.”
Hermione’s voice went very high and rather tight. “Older than you?!” she squeaked.
He frowned, confused. “Yes, is-”
“Something the matter, Hermione?” a voice asked from behind him, and he wheeled round, coming face-to-face with two boys, one scrawny and dark, the other tall and violently red-headed. It was the red-head who had spoken, while the scrawny one eyed Merlin with interest, his eyes bright green.
Something about him reminded Merlin rather forcefully of Morgana, but he couldn’t put his finger on what it was. Certainly Morgana was elegant where this boy was emphatically not, tall and graceful while this boy was short and awkward, and regal where this boy looked friendly. But still. There was definitely something there.
“Who’s this?” he asked, interestedly.
Hermione had managed to regain a little of her equilibrium by now. “Oh, yes. Um, the red-head is Ron, and the short one is Harry.”
“Hey, watch who you’re calling short!” Harry said, good-humouredly.
“Harry, Ron - this is Merlin.”
A long, horrible moment of silence. “I’m sorry,” Harry said, scrupulously polite. “But I could have sworn you just said that this was Merlin.”
“Yes. Yes, I did.”
“As in, greatest wizard who ever lived, Merlin?”
Merlin drew himself up, and, for the first time, wished he had a beard. It would have been great to hide behind, and it might have made him look a little more impressive. It might have fended off the frankly disbelieving looks he was getting right now.
“Um, yes. That Merlin. We were just going to see Professor Dumbledore.”
“This,” Harry said, grinning, “I have to see.”
**
Their little group traipsed up the familiar corridors - the castle had been extended since Merlin was there, but was still largely recognisable - and Ron had made a very strange comment about the staircases behaving themselves at the moment. It baffled Merlin that these people could possibly thing that he was the delusional one. Finally, they came to a stop in front of a statue of a man who looked vaguely like Gaius.
“Wine gums.” Harry informed it, seriously, and just as Merlin was starting to believe he’d fallen in with a crowd of genuine nutters, the thing leapt aside.
Merlin leapt backwards.
“It’s nothing to worry about, Merlin.” Hermione said, encouragingly, apparently back on solid ground when someone needed soothing or informing. “Just a way of protecting the Headmaster’s rooms.”
“What is he expecting to happen to him?” he asked, nervously.
“Oh, back when the school was founded,” Hermione said, ushering him onto the moving - moving!! - staircase, “Being headmaster of Hogwarts was like being in charge of the wizarding world. Lots of people tried to assassinate past Headmasters. It’s all in ‘Hogwarts: A History’.”
**
*facepalms* Yes, I'm afraid more IS coming at somepoint. Come, accept your doom with me. And jam? I totally want hordefic. This may have been a present, but I SUFFERED for it. :DDDD
Tentative Title: What in the name of Merlin...?!
Rating: G ALL THE WAY, BABY.
Warnings: Excessive silliness? Misuse of wizard swears? IDEK.
Summary: Merlin lands in Hogwarts, and everyone is surprised.
AN: Written for the gorgeous and delectable phantomjam 's birthday, egged on by wickednotevil and xrysomou *shifts blame like woah*. I hope none of them come after me with sporks feel let down by this crossover.
*runs for the hills*
Merlin was getting used to landing with a bump; working for Arthur, it was something you learned to get good at. The number of times a week Arthur decided taking his servant out to whack him with a stick was a good idea was something incredible.
But this was something different. Normally when he landed, the world around him stayed the same. Evidently, Arthur had landed one hell of a hit.
The castle was still there, thankfully - but where had the town gone? Where was Ca? Where Broad Street had been was only a long, smooth driveway, and where the houses and marketplaces had been - nothing but smooth green lawns. Something was very, very wrong.
Initially, Merlin's first thought was ‘Nimueh’, but she was dead, and had been for several years. And no one had risen since her who could possibly have managed anything like this. Except...
....well. Him.
Had he done this to himself? He tried to think back, but all his memories were all fuzzy. Yes, Arthur had definitely given him concussion, and yes, they were going to be Having Words when Merlin next saw him.
Stupid Arthur with his stupid obsession with stupid swords.
Merlin hated swords.
Bereft of all other ideas, he padded towards the castle. Hopefully, the people inside it were still the same.
**
The courtyard Merlin was used to had disappeared, in favour of a gravel circle at the end of the long driveway, but the impressive flight of steps were still there. Even the door was still the same, Merlin thought, his hopes rising. Maybe he'd just - somehow, miraculously - managed to... vanish the entire town of Camelot.
Maybe going into the castle to face Uther wasn't the best idea.
His indecision was solved for him by a tall, very pale, very blond boy, wearing the most ridiculous cape Merlin had ever seen, and a deeply unpleasant sneer.
"Merlin, what are you wearing?!"
Merlin glowered at him. "Look, they’re my only clothes, OK?”
“That much is evident.” The boy sneered. “Merlin, you can’t expect us to believe anyone would wear that if they had any choice in the matter.”
“How do you know my name, anyway?" he asked, ignoring the jibe.
The blond boy looked taken aback for a moment, then started to laugh. "Your parents called you - you - Merlin?!" he turned to the - knights? - hulking at either side of him. "That is what I call a cruel irony!"
The knights nodded, but Merlin was willing to bet that they wouldn't know what 'irony' meant if it bit them. Which would be rather ironic.
"Hey, peasant, I'm talking to you."
"You're just like Arthur, you know." Merlin said, without thinking, and the boy's expression changed.
"What?!"
"Prince Arthur. You're exactly like him." he paused. "Have you seen him anywhere? I seem to have vanished Camelot, you see, and-"
"You're mad." the boy stared at him. "Where did you escape from?!"
"Leave him alone, Malfoy." A girl's voice said from behind him. "Are you lost?"
Since the question seemed to be directed at Merlin, he turned and offered her a rather confused shrug. "Um, not really?" he said, with a shrug. "I know the castle, I just don't know what I did with the town."
She gave him a strange look. "What town? D'you mean Hogsmeade?"
"Hogsmeade?" he stared. "Who named that?!"
"Oh, it's been here since Merlin's time." The girl said, airily. "They say he named it."
"Not it bloody hasn't, and no I didn't!" he said, with feeling.
Her face creased into a frown again. "I don't think we're understanding each other very well." She said, delicately, and the blond boy - Malfoy? - snorted.
"He's a bloody nutcase, that's why, Granger!"
"I am not!" Merlin cried. "You're the ones telling me I've named towns and that they've been here since my time when they weren't here yesterday!"
Granger - strange names they gave girls here - gave him a long, silent look. "I think," she said, slowly, "I'd better introduce myself - you seem a little confused."
"A little?!" Merlin and Malfoy said at the same time.
"I'm Hermione Granger." she said, still in that same, careful voice, "You're at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, and this is the year 2001."
**
Merlin stood staring at her for a long, horrible moment after that. "'Hogwarts'?" he said, weakly, after a too-long pause. "That's even worse that Hogsmeade."
"It's said that the four Founders - um, found - the name in some of Merlin’s writings. They’ve been lost now. "
"I promise you, I'd have better taste." he said, absently, mind racing.
"I'm sure you would." She agreed, quickly. “You know - um, Merlin - why don’t you... come into the castle with me, and we’ll go and visit Professor Dumbledore. He’s the Headmaster, you know.”
“Dumbledore?!”
Hermione’s lips twitched. “Yes, it is rather odd, isn’t it?” she agreed, opening the enormous castle door for him, and ushering him inside, shutting the door rather firmly against Malfoy’s continued taunts. “But he’s really very clever, you know. He’ll know what to do about you.”
“I don’t need anything done about me!” he protested.
“No, of course not.” She agreed, soothingly. Quite how a girl several years younger than him was soothing him, Merlin had no idea, but it seemed to be working rather well.
“You know,” he said, looking round the familiar corridors appreciatively, “I don’t know why these foundry people of yours didn’t just keep the name this place already had. It was a perfectly good name.”
Hermione frowned. “What name was that, then?” she asked, in the tone of one humouring a potentially dangerous lunatic.
“Camelot.” He said, vaguely, looking up at the new tapestries on the wall. “Did- wait, did that person just move!?”
People were crowding towards the edges of their picture frames and staring at him as he went past, and the tapestries were reaching out loose threads towards him as he moved past. Hermione, however, had stopped dead a few feet behind him, and was staring at him, much in the same way Merlin was staring, half aghast, half fascinated, by this open display of frivolous magic.
“Wait.” She said, very quickly. “Wait, wait, wait. You’re saying that - that this - that Hogwarts - was once Camelot!? Home of King Arthur? And the Knights of the Round Table!?”
“Uther.” He corrected her, politely. “Don’t worry, lots of people get it wrong the first time. King Uther. Arthur’s his son, I’m his manservant.” He frowned. “I’ve never heard of the Round Table though. The knights are a bit too, um, active for much sitting around.”
Hermione’s eyes were a little wild. “Wait, I don’t - you’re Arthur’s manservant!? But, you’re - you can’t be the same age!”
“Well, no.” Merlin agreed, fairly. “He’s a couple of years older than me.”
Hermione’s voice went very high and rather tight. “Older than you?!” she squeaked.
He frowned, confused. “Yes, is-”
“Something the matter, Hermione?” a voice asked from behind him, and he wheeled round, coming face-to-face with two boys, one scrawny and dark, the other tall and violently red-headed. It was the red-head who had spoken, while the scrawny one eyed Merlin with interest, his eyes bright green.
Something about him reminded Merlin rather forcefully of Morgana, but he couldn’t put his finger on what it was. Certainly Morgana was elegant where this boy was emphatically not, tall and graceful while this boy was short and awkward, and regal where this boy looked friendly. But still. There was definitely something there.
“Who’s this?” he asked, interestedly.
Hermione had managed to regain a little of her equilibrium by now. “Oh, yes. Um, the red-head is Ron, and the short one is Harry.”
“Hey, watch who you’re calling short!” Harry said, good-humouredly.
“Harry, Ron - this is Merlin.”
A long, horrible moment of silence. “I’m sorry,” Harry said, scrupulously polite. “But I could have sworn you just said that this was Merlin.”
“Yes. Yes, I did.”
“As in, greatest wizard who ever lived, Merlin?”
Merlin drew himself up, and, for the first time, wished he had a beard. It would have been great to hide behind, and it might have made him look a little more impressive. It might have fended off the frankly disbelieving looks he was getting right now.
“Um, yes. That Merlin. We were just going to see Professor Dumbledore.”
“This,” Harry said, grinning, “I have to see.”
**
Their little group traipsed up the familiar corridors - the castle had been extended since Merlin was there, but was still largely recognisable - and Ron had made a very strange comment about the staircases behaving themselves at the moment. It baffled Merlin that these people could possibly thing that he was the delusional one. Finally, they came to a stop in front of a statue of a man who looked vaguely like Gaius.
“Wine gums.” Harry informed it, seriously, and just as Merlin was starting to believe he’d fallen in with a crowd of genuine nutters, the thing leapt aside.
Merlin leapt backwards.
“It’s nothing to worry about, Merlin.” Hermione said, encouragingly, apparently back on solid ground when someone needed soothing or informing. “Just a way of protecting the Headmaster’s rooms.”
“What is he expecting to happen to him?” he asked, nervously.
“Oh, back when the school was founded,” Hermione said, ushering him onto the moving - moving!! - staircase, “Being headmaster of Hogwarts was like being in charge of the wizarding world. Lots of people tried to assassinate past Headmasters. It’s all in ‘Hogwarts: A History’.”
**
*facepalms* Yes, I'm afraid more IS coming at somepoint. Come, accept your doom with me. And jam? I totally want hordefic. This may have been a present, but I SUFFERED for it. :DDDD