The Good Luck Fund
Hmm, gonna leave if I go? Gonna stay if I don't? Do I choose my friends, or do I choose you? You want to change me, and you don't like who I am (basically). Whereas my friends like me for me. Do I change my ways, and become a little hermit for you, or should I go out and have fun? Since fun is so scarce in my neck of the woods.
Decisions decisions.
Sorry if this month has been... uh... sucky, for me. Sorry if you feel I'm ignoring you. I could talk to you on yahoo via my phone, y'know. But OOOOOOHHHH NOOOOO! You have to be all pissy and act, "Well I'm not gonna be on the computer so nyah" when I DO try to talk to you before I go out.
I'm 19. I'm gonna go places with friends. If those plans include TWO guys, along with another girl, then so be it. You need to stop being so fucking jealous, and learn to truth me. You don't trust me? Fine. I trust you. I hope that makes you feel like a heel too. How do I know your mistrust in me is some subconcious thing saying Well I'm doing something, but I'll make it look like I'm not by being insanely jealous and untrusting of you for absolutely no reason at all.
I'm not as dumb as I seem. Its called leading people off, so I can surprise them with logic. *gasp*
I haven't updated in forever, and so thusly, for those of you joing my little rant, I'll break it down for you. Joey said if I go out with Josh and Chris (not really going out, I'm going TO their house, to play D&D, along with another girl, steven (who is DMing) and JOSHES MOM), that he would probably leave me. If he doesn't, he probably wouldn't stay with me very long.
Why is it we get along more as friends? Is fate telling us something?
But yes, whose right? What should I do?
Me, being the stubborn person I am, isn't going to NOT go, for the sake of one person, with selfish means. Yes. I believe it is very selfish. Whenever I go anywhere, you get angry at me. I went to kitties and you got pissed, so don't give me no lip about that. I'm PMSing, you pissed me off, and damnit I'm allowed to voice my opinion. It's selfish wanting me to yourself all the time. Didn't you learn sharing in kidergarden?
Apparently not.
I'm a bit more cooled down now, but still upset nonetheless. I don't want the drama, thusly why I always try to AVOID said conversation. Drama involving myself gives me a headache. Milly doesn't like headaches. Drama leads to fear, fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to the dark side... er, headaches. Yes. The Dark Side = Headaches. Perfect sense.
If you feel like your being ignored, then maybe you want a girl who doesn't have a life. Sorry that I have work, school and friends. Not many, but they're there, and they're happy that I'm myself.
Another thing I don't like, is you keep pressuring me to try and get us together. I don't have time to look shit up, since you want me to spend it with you. Stop pressuring me. Why don't YOU do some of the work if you want us together so bad. Thats not saying I don't want to spend time with you, no. But I don't have my whole life to devote to one person. I've got a world to take over y'know.
Yet another item on the agenda. Lying. Why do you suddenly believe everything I say is a bloody lie? Have you ever thought that maybe you (Yes, YOU), made me scared to death of telling you shit? Like uh, that one game, that shall remain nameless, that you hate. I tell you I'm playing that, you get pissed. I DON'T tell you, you get GO on BYOND, and see if I'm on it. Well, that former behavior doesn't encourage telling the truth, so whats the point? You get pissed either way, what the fuck am I supposed to do? And when I'm SERIOUSLY not doing anything, you STILL don't believe me. I seriously do fucking NOTHING sometimes. You may not do it, but thats because you're from New Hampshire. I'm me, I do nothing sometimes. It's fun, and technically doing nothing IS doing something, because technically nothing is a something, its just an unknown something. So there.
Logic.
Cram it.
I'm not going to transfer to a different school and go live with you. Why? I'm comfortable here, so just leave me alone about moving. I'm not leaving my friends.
And its like everytime you find a game for us to play, it doesn't work on my computer, or it fucking breaks it (*cough*ScionofFate*cough*). And then when I don't play, you get angry saying I never like the games you find. Maybe if I wasn't forced to play that one game all the fucking time, I'd play it LONGER. I go through cycles. I play one game for a while, move to a different game. Eventually I'll come back to said game and play it a while, and move on to another game. Its like the precipitation cycle. Water drops, water evaporates. Water drops, water evaporates. Same concept.
Basically. Yeah, I do care for you. But everytime you're controlling (i.e: If you go, I won't stay with you! (yes, thats controlling)), you push more and more away from me. What makes me want to stay with you? Really, what is keeping us together if we can't get along for more than ten minutes? Every night you get mad over something really stupid, and then I go to bed. Earlier and earlier. I care, but I think we're both at the point where we won't stay with each other, unless one of us bends to the others wishes. But neither of us will, because we're stupid and hardheaded. I bend so far, and then I just fucking snap. You don't bend at all. It's not very fair. I blocked Justin, because you wanted me to. Took him, and Mike off my friends list on myspace because you wanted me to. I took more pictures, (not any dirty ones :o ) because you wanted pictures. I wanna go out with friends, Oh HELL NO!
I'm tired of the drama, headaches, heartaches, and pure annoyances you're causing me. It's time for it to stop, really.
... Damn that felt good.
Decisions decisions.
Sorry if this month has been... uh... sucky, for me. Sorry if you feel I'm ignoring you. I could talk to you on yahoo via my phone, y'know. But OOOOOOHHHH NOOOOO! You have to be all pissy and act, "Well I'm not gonna be on the computer so nyah" when I DO try to talk to you before I go out.
I'm 19. I'm gonna go places with friends. If those plans include TWO guys, along with another girl, then so be it. You need to stop being so fucking jealous, and learn to truth me. You don't trust me? Fine. I trust you. I hope that makes you feel like a heel too. How do I know your mistrust in me is some subconcious thing saying Well I'm doing something, but I'll make it look like I'm not by being insanely jealous and untrusting of you for absolutely no reason at all.
I'm not as dumb as I seem. Its called leading people off, so I can surprise them with logic. *gasp*
I haven't updated in forever, and so thusly, for those of you joing my little rant, I'll break it down for you. Joey said if I go out with Josh and Chris (not really going out, I'm going TO their house, to play D&D, along with another girl, steven (who is DMing) and JOSHES MOM), that he would probably leave me. If he doesn't, he probably wouldn't stay with me very long.
Why is it we get along more as friends? Is fate telling us something?
But yes, whose right? What should I do?
Me, being the stubborn person I am, isn't going to NOT go, for the sake of one person, with selfish means. Yes. I believe it is very selfish. Whenever I go anywhere, you get angry at me. I went to kitties and you got pissed, so don't give me no lip about that. I'm PMSing, you pissed me off, and damnit I'm allowed to voice my opinion. It's selfish wanting me to yourself all the time. Didn't you learn sharing in kidergarden?
Apparently not.
I'm a bit more cooled down now, but still upset nonetheless. I don't want the drama, thusly why I always try to AVOID said conversation. Drama involving myself gives me a headache. Milly doesn't like headaches. Drama leads to fear, fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to the dark side... er, headaches. Yes. The Dark Side = Headaches. Perfect sense.
If you feel like your being ignored, then maybe you want a girl who doesn't have a life. Sorry that I have work, school and friends. Not many, but they're there, and they're happy that I'm myself.
Another thing I don't like, is you keep pressuring me to try and get us together. I don't have time to look shit up, since you want me to spend it with you. Stop pressuring me. Why don't YOU do some of the work if you want us together so bad. Thats not saying I don't want to spend time with you, no. But I don't have my whole life to devote to one person. I've got a world to take over y'know.
Yet another item on the agenda. Lying. Why do you suddenly believe everything I say is a bloody lie? Have you ever thought that maybe you (Yes, YOU), made me scared to death of telling you shit? Like uh, that one game, that shall remain nameless, that you hate. I tell you I'm playing that, you get pissed. I DON'T tell you, you get GO on BYOND, and see if I'm on it. Well, that former behavior doesn't encourage telling the truth, so whats the point? You get pissed either way, what the fuck am I supposed to do? And when I'm SERIOUSLY not doing anything, you STILL don't believe me. I seriously do fucking NOTHING sometimes. You may not do it, but thats because you're from New Hampshire. I'm me, I do nothing sometimes. It's fun, and technically doing nothing IS doing something, because technically nothing is a something, its just an unknown something. So there.
Logic.
Cram it.
I'm not going to transfer to a different school and go live with you. Why? I'm comfortable here, so just leave me alone about moving. I'm not leaving my friends.
And its like everytime you find a game for us to play, it doesn't work on my computer, or it fucking breaks it (*cough*ScionofFate*cough*). And then when I don't play, you get angry saying I never like the games you find. Maybe if I wasn't forced to play that one game all the fucking time, I'd play it LONGER. I go through cycles. I play one game for a while, move to a different game. Eventually I'll come back to said game and play it a while, and move on to another game. Its like the precipitation cycle. Water drops, water evaporates. Water drops, water evaporates. Same concept.
Basically. Yeah, I do care for you. But everytime you're controlling (i.e: If you go, I won't stay with you! (yes, thats controlling)), you push more and more away from me. What makes me want to stay with you? Really, what is keeping us together if we can't get along for more than ten minutes? Every night you get mad over something really stupid, and then I go to bed. Earlier and earlier. I care, but I think we're both at the point where we won't stay with each other, unless one of us bends to the others wishes. But neither of us will, because we're stupid and hardheaded. I bend so far, and then I just fucking snap. You don't bend at all. It's not very fair. I blocked Justin, because you wanted me to. Took him, and Mike off my friends list on myspace because you wanted me to. I took more pictures, (not any dirty ones :o ) because you wanted pictures. I wanna go out with friends, Oh HELL NO!
I'm tired of the drama, headaches, heartaches, and pure annoyances you're causing me. It's time for it to stop, really.
... Damn that felt good.