the truth
The other day my mother asked if I was happy.
"What do you mean?"
"Happy in general."
I responded yes. But thats not entirely true. Theres several things that make me unhappy, but I don't say anything.
I don't really like my photography class. Its okay, the people are okay, but my teacher wants us to do the photographs to how she likes it. I do suppose thats the downside to any type of art class.
I don't really like when joey and I fight. It makes me confused, and then I run out of things to say, and he gets madder when I say things like "nothing" and "I don't know"
I don't like the fact that this semester is about to end. That means I'm going to have to work more at safeway, unless they call me soon from Home Depot. I really hope they do. I wouldn't be able to survive another whole summer of just working. I miss the days before I got this job.
I dno't like safeway. I'm tired of working there, and wish to quit right now. I would, if I didn't have to pay for the phonebill, and gas, and any other shit i need to pay for.
I don't like the fact Joey wants me to live with him. I'm not ready. But he keeps bringing it up. Then I feel bad, because he thinks i don't wanna live with him, and its not that, I'm just not -ready-.
I don't like the fact I don't really have "friends" persay. Here lately kitty and I have been hanging out a bit more, so that's cool. But I need more friends than just one person. Kristina and I are supposed to hang out on thursday after we don't have Art History, so yay. But I mean honestly. People that used to be all pally to me in school, never call, never talk. They have my SN, they never IM me. Yeah yeah, I know. I should IM them first. But they either don't answer, or barely talk at all, so whats the point?
I don't like the fact people would usually (and still do) make plans in front of me with everyone else, and exclude me. What, do I have a disease?
I don't like the fact my room is so fucking small.
I don't like the fact I'm afraid to open my window in my room, because a spider might crawl in.
I don't like the fact my mom doesn't like me playing video games all the time. Its just my way of relaxing. My way of escaping.
I don't like the fact that I'm not ready. For anything.
I don't like the fact I never went to see 300.
I don't like the fact, when I was being trained the other day to be a hiring coordinator, Bill Stevens said these really big words I didn't know the definitions of. But the thing is, I can't remember what he said to look the words up. I know what they mean in a general sense, by the context he used them in, but still.
I don't like the fact he thinks the manager picked me, because the manager trusts me and my judgement. The manager didn't pick me. He was forced to, so I'd stop complaining about not being able to move up.
I don't like the smile my assistant manager gives me. It's creepy in a lesbian "i wanna fuck your brains out' sort of way.
I don't like the fact I can't get my new phone yet. I desperately need want a picture phone.
I don't like the fact I have a credit card, but I'm insanely afraid to use it. I might buy a bottle of water and have to pay 50 bucks. It scares the living shit out of me, and my mom wants me to use it to buy shoes for work.
I don't like Easy Spirit shoes. They hurt my feet. Screw the fact they're supposed to be oh so good. I'm getting vans. Solid. Black. Vans.
I don't like the fact that my gecko died, without me knowing how exactly she died.
I don't like the fact my moms having surgery, and I haven't really said anything about it.
I don't like the fact everyone at work probably hates me, and thinks I'm a liar.
I don't like the fact that I lie.
I don't like the fact that I always said I was too lazy to lie, and never lied, and that in itself is a lie, which makes me an even worse person than I already am.
I don't like the fact that stoner boys don't get the fact that I have a boyfriend. He may live all the way in New Hampshire, but damnit, I've known him since I was a sophmore. He gets me.
I don't like the fact people that get it when I act like I don't give a shit about rave dancing. Seriously. I don't give a shit if my jacket looked like a rave jacket. Fuck off.
I don't like the fact a friend can spend $300 on legos, and I can't even buy myself a new phone, especially when I make more. Its not exactly jealousy. Okay. It is. I want a low paying job, where I can laugh with friends, and talk about shit I like, and not have to act like a robot.
I don't like the fact I'm female and have all these emotion pent up inside.
I don't like the fact I can read fast. That always made my teachers mad, and they'd make me reread it. Or read with the class. I hate reading with the class.
I don't like the fact I hurt Joey all the time. I'm being serious. Too bad I'm too selfish, and he can't ever break up with me. I won't allow it.
I don't like the fact the ring he bought me is a size too big, and sometimes it gets loose on my finger, and then I get all scared that I might lose it.
I don't like the fact that some asshole stole my class ring. That shit had my name on it.
I don't like the fact that my cell doesn't get service half the time in school anymore, so I can't call joey. Thusly why I want a new phone. I never get service ANYWHERE hardly.
I don't like people who are against abortion.
I don't like people who are against gay people.
I don't like the fact I don't drive.
I don't like the fact I can't drive the car.
I don't like the fact my neighbors got a new fucking honda civic. Yes. This is fucking jealousy.
I don't like my relatives, and I don't give a flying fuck if they like me or not. They're all liars, and crazy all jehovahs witnesses. Fuck em.
I think this is it.