A nice guy, Hurt once again!

[xargonbr]

I always seem to find myself in a situation, that I end up getting hurt in. Although this last one, there was something diffrent about it. Rather than getting hurt and withdrawling completely I was supprised to find that I was unwilling to leave. Now I said that I was gonna leave and did, but hopefully this will not have killed my chances

Comments

[whitiglil]

Well, i basically gave you my view on it. You have another fun one on myspace... Just like men compartmentalize, women seem to classify friends and use different friends for different things, aspects of their lives. So they have the boyfriend for love and dating and stuff, and other friends to hang out with, and some friends to pour your heart out to and get feedback from (AKA, have explain guys to them, which seems to be your alleged role?)... Anyway, yeah, it's a sucky situation, but perhaps it is you who goes after the wrong types, the ones who really truly put you in the friend zone who you shouldn't even think of in any way more... Perhaps you play the game wrong, I don't know what to tell you, as I'm not much better... Half of my relationships were asexual and/or pointless... However, despite that, I'm not an example because I don't work that way. Women perhaps use you because they feel safe and protected and like they don't need to be self-conscious around you, and don't have to worry about the sleaze-ball trying to get into their pants, they can just be, and that's something they aren't used to, but they want to keep that way without adding or changing anything more. Yeah, it's a sucky situation for you, but that's why they invented real counselers who get paid to fix them up for a living, instead of you, who cares too much and pours it all into yourself only to become upset when they do something dumb and self distructive later on. The reason the 'worthless' psychologists should do it and not you is because 1. they get paid for it 2. they got training 3. at the end of the day, they don't have to deal with it, it's not personal, so it's strictly professional concern for the client and no vested interest in the well-being of the person as a friend... There are other reasons, but I think this should be enough for now... If you want more or want to discuss it with me, you know how to reach me, whether in person or otherwise...

The main thing I'd agree with the myspace chick on is that you should learn from your past mistakes, as it's not them getting hurt, it's you, and it's not fair to you to continue jumping into that hole over and over again, as it's counterproductive...

Much love,
~me

[xargonbr]

true I wish that I could see the hole before they just end up under my feet...

[whitiglil]

Oh, but you can... All you have to do is look at everything surrounding situations. If you look closely enough, you'll see that everything generally always plays out the same way, and the people generally exhibit the same personality traits every time. Sure, the story may kinda change and the name and appearance, but essentially, it's all the same shit... If that fails, you could always ask a trusty friend, as sometimes the outside observer sees it all best...

[mystrul]

LOL yeah I hate to agree with what shirley just said but its true. Lets take me for instance I always choose the needy fake as hell women for my SO. And I don't change willingly ever. So they are needy and I need space, They are fake and I quickly exhaust all viable avenues of conversation with them, oh and dumb. forgot that one. I want a girl that dosent just appear smart but is smart. If she cannot beat me in frickin scrabble then its damn dissapointing.however with the dumbones my parental side kicks in and I start to defend them (why i don't know) and thereby earn their affection (again I have no clue why). in the end i have some retarded, needy fake person hanging on me and hunding me day in and day out because i showed some sympathy. I CAN SEE MY HOLE AND IT DOES ME NO GOOD! I keep looking backwards at all the other holes I have fallen in and not looking forward to dodge the next one. So a better idea is simply to tromp forward blindly because at least that way your head is on straight. =P That and when your looking forward its easier to get out of the hole as you can see the rungs on the ladder. =)

[whitiglil]

Wow, Colin, between the two of us, we are perfect advice givers! I use cold reason, you use experience, LOL. Anyway, thank you for backing me.

As a Psych major and as someone who considers myself a non-idiot/stupid person, I do have to make an argument with the intellegence and scrabble thinger, though, as there are many different types and measures for intelligence, so verbal is just one... You must take that into account.

I never said necessarily always look back when looking for/at a new prospect, I simply said, now that you've had probs, just think back and realize the similarities they always seem to have and internalize the traits you are avoiding, so in the future, you don't even have to spend the time to even search, you can just screen using the early warning signs you already know:-) Go efficiency! As for Colin's specific advice, I think that's the road I'm taking right now and in the near future, as it is the best one for the time, considering you still get your goals and you come first, and if you meet someone along the way, so be it, if not, at least you get what you wanted for yourself. Consider it 'personal development'... It never hurt anyone...