why am I here? am I to fight a gov't that seems to be growing more oppressive under Bush's regime?
Forgive me for what might become an entry of panick and fear... maybe eeven frustration...
Okay, you know I'm bipolar subject to depressions that can last 24 to 36 months in length. Now, I had thought that in conjunction with the bullshit I learned as a child (from parents, school, etc) that this has GOT to be the worst I'd have to experience this life around. That the rest of my life could be a opportunity to enjoy the kinds of things that most others enjoy. Deep meaningful relationships, for one thing. And the opportunity to more fully understand who am I...
Enoch had mentioned that they are planning a National ID system which appears liek it will keep track of what people buy (no more hundred-bag purchases of fertilizer from Lowe's Hardware since that might look like I am plannign on bombing someone) no I've never bought more than a single bag at a time anyways :) Anyways, some suggest that this National ID might be the "mark of the beast". Unfortunately I've had enough conditioning as a child that such a concept carries with it an incredible wave of fear for me.
Can't I have a boyfriend this lifetime? Can't I just gather with my friends and have fun with them?
Or will I have to remain on guard the rest of my days? If the latter, I don't see much point in hanging around this realm. I've tired of the suffering and the pain. I am worried that the clarity and happiness I had before the depression took hold back in 2002 will never come again. At this point I think this entry will degrade as I can't think of anything else adn the anxiety is getting so strong that I think it will take a hit of 'nip in order to overcome it.
Right now, I just wish everyone would just go fuck off and die so at least I can be with teh animals and I know amongst them I dont' have to fear anymore. Even if it meant a wolf or lion consumes my flesh, better it be from an close agent of the planet than some beaucrat (like our anti-christ president) ship me off somewheres so I can be tortured because I'm not a "proper american".
Did you know, btw, that now you have to have a passport in order to travel into Canada or Mexico? I mean is that stupid or what? Then again... if it's something that took effect before October of 2004 then perhaps certain entry points into Canada just arent' following it. They used to just accept my driver's license which is fine by me.
I'm wondering if the US is circling the drain because of the so-called "patriot laws" (patriot act, this seeming tracking of US citizens..) how far are we from a dictatorship and can the anti-christ (again, he whose name can be compressed to just a "W"). I wonder what the chances are of my getting in trouble just by saying how if I did take my life I would love to do so taking GWB's as well. Or else if he is just a puppet (I could see it), then taking out his masters. Makes me kinda think of him as a figurehead on the 'throne' surrounded by shadowy wizards that usurp his will.
It's suspected that a new revolution will occur soon. And I wonder if we've gotten about as far as we can with this current system of government.
Well, glancing at some of this, I think I might be more inclined to write when I'm feeling difficult feelings like I have.
For those who have read it, thanks for your time. *hugs*
Okay, you know I'm bipolar subject to depressions that can last 24 to 36 months in length. Now, I had thought that in conjunction with the bullshit I learned as a child (from parents, school, etc) that this has GOT to be the worst I'd have to experience this life around. That the rest of my life could be a opportunity to enjoy the kinds of things that most others enjoy. Deep meaningful relationships, for one thing. And the opportunity to more fully understand who am I...
Enoch had mentioned that they are planning a National ID system which appears liek it will keep track of what people buy (no more hundred-bag purchases of fertilizer from Lowe's Hardware since that might look like I am plannign on bombing someone) no I've never bought more than a single bag at a time anyways :) Anyways, some suggest that this National ID might be the "mark of the beast". Unfortunately I've had enough conditioning as a child that such a concept carries with it an incredible wave of fear for me.
Can't I have a boyfriend this lifetime? Can't I just gather with my friends and have fun with them?
Or will I have to remain on guard the rest of my days? If the latter, I don't see much point in hanging around this realm. I've tired of the suffering and the pain. I am worried that the clarity and happiness I had before the depression took hold back in 2002 will never come again. At this point I think this entry will degrade as I can't think of anything else adn the anxiety is getting so strong that I think it will take a hit of 'nip in order to overcome it.
Right now, I just wish everyone would just go fuck off and die so at least I can be with teh animals and I know amongst them I dont' have to fear anymore. Even if it meant a wolf or lion consumes my flesh, better it be from an close agent of the planet than some beaucrat (like our anti-christ president) ship me off somewheres so I can be tortured because I'm not a "proper american".
Did you know, btw, that now you have to have a passport in order to travel into Canada or Mexico? I mean is that stupid or what? Then again... if it's something that took effect before October of 2004 then perhaps certain entry points into Canada just arent' following it. They used to just accept my driver's license which is fine by me.
I'm wondering if the US is circling the drain because of the so-called "patriot laws" (patriot act, this seeming tracking of US citizens..) how far are we from a dictatorship and can the anti-christ (again, he whose name can be compressed to just a "W"). I wonder what the chances are of my getting in trouble just by saying how if I did take my life I would love to do so taking GWB's as well. Or else if he is just a puppet (I could see it), then taking out his masters. Makes me kinda think of him as a figurehead on the 'throne' surrounded by shadowy wizards that usurp his will.
It's suspected that a new revolution will occur soon. And I wonder if we've gotten about as far as we can with this current system of government.
Well, glancing at some of this, I think I might be more inclined to write when I'm feeling difficult feelings like I have.
For those who have read it, thanks for your time. *hugs*