On finding my inner woman and beginning to set her free
I've seen a number of things starting to creep up in my life. Most notably, I've been led in the direction of exploring my femininity much more deeply than I had in the past. I guess it helps having a supportive b/f and friends who are willing to listen. Ever since I read "Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus" I've been noticing specific traits between the two genders. I guess I'm more sensitive to this being transgender. According to the book, men tend to be the problem-solvers and are more concerned about things; whereas women are more relationship oriented. They express their feelings openly sometimes. This has me wondering though if we took away the societal conditioning that men receive (the "Indoctrination") that tells them they must not show their feelings... what difference then would there be between the two sexes. *pauses to take a hit* Ahh much better. So I've been fascinated by teh differences between males and females for a long time now. Not so much physically as it would be analogous to a women having affairs with another woman when she's a lot more into guys. Also, I can't honestly say yet that I am comfortable with my gender. Okay that's another thing... gender and sex are used interchangeably but they are two totally different concepts.
SEX = What you got or don't got between the legs
GENDER = What you feel that you are inside.
Me? My sex is male. My gender is female or maybe more accurately and more clearly stated, a woman. I've never given women much thought since my Indoctrination consisted of considering women as far less important and even considering having emotions a weakness.
Wow, how far I've travelled! *takes another hit*
So today, Jace arrives earlier than usual and we chat for a bit. I forget what exactly but it's like it usually is with him, a great deal of fun. What ends up happening is that I find out while he would like to dress appropriately for the Japanese Restaurant we went to and I already knew I was going to dress as well as I can with my ghetto attire when he surprises me and asks me if I would go clothes shopping with him and help him pick me out a new outfit to wear to the restaurant. I can remember my mother used to take me clothes shopping... it was a ardous affair seeming to take forever and I just wanted to be out of that mall. Anyways, I used to hate going clothes shopping. Today was much different.
You see, as I said above I am exploring my femininity and finding that the more I do so (particularly the more socially daring for me) that a wonderful feeling hits me. So I seek it out a lot more often now. Especially with how I felt when wearing the outfit.
Let me describe:
Light blue v-cut shirt that fits fine
over that a 'wife-beater' style grey striped shirt
white tennis shoes
a multicolour purple sash around my hips
It was fun going through the thrift store finding various things and seeing how well they matched. I never had so much fun doing this.
All day I've been feeling very feminine especially when I look into the mirror. Let me put it to you this way, when I was younger (and this stayed up till about the early 30s) I would avoid mirrors. I didn't want to see how ugly I thought I was.
I find I am a lot more expressive now than I used to be. Instead of a log, I'm feeling loads more dynamic. I'm still working out the inner functionings of my connection with Kiera and Xao but I feel I am getting ever so closer.
SEX = What you got or don't got between the legs
GENDER = What you feel that you are inside.
Me? My sex is male. My gender is female or maybe more accurately and more clearly stated, a woman. I've never given women much thought since my Indoctrination consisted of considering women as far less important and even considering having emotions a weakness.
Wow, how far I've travelled! *takes another hit*
So today, Jace arrives earlier than usual and we chat for a bit. I forget what exactly but it's like it usually is with him, a great deal of fun. What ends up happening is that I find out while he would like to dress appropriately for the Japanese Restaurant we went to and I already knew I was going to dress as well as I can with my ghetto attire when he surprises me and asks me if I would go clothes shopping with him and help him pick me out a new outfit to wear to the restaurant. I can remember my mother used to take me clothes shopping... it was a ardous affair seeming to take forever and I just wanted to be out of that mall. Anyways, I used to hate going clothes shopping. Today was much different.
You see, as I said above I am exploring my femininity and finding that the more I do so (particularly the more socially daring for me) that a wonderful feeling hits me. So I seek it out a lot more often now. Especially with how I felt when wearing the outfit.
Let me describe:
Light blue v-cut shirt that fits fine
over that a 'wife-beater' style grey striped shirt
white tennis shoes
a multicolour purple sash around my hips
It was fun going through the thrift store finding various things and seeing how well they matched. I never had so much fun doing this.
All day I've been feeling very feminine especially when I look into the mirror. Let me put it to you this way, when I was younger (and this stayed up till about the early 30s) I would avoid mirrors. I didn't want to see how ugly I thought I was.
I find I am a lot more expressive now than I used to be. Instead of a log, I'm feeling loads more dynamic. I'm still working out the inner functionings of my connection with Kiera and Xao but I feel I am getting ever so closer.