(no subject)

[xaomeow]

I still struggle to see things clearly.. particularly my own actions (I have given up, at least for the time being trying to put others' actions into context though sometimes I come across something while reading that triggers a memory and makes me wonder if perhaps so-and-so has that particular trait). Today, I sat down and readthrough some of the old logs I have for furrymuck and tapestries and re-reading some of the things sexual I've engaged in (being as non-judgemental of myself as possible..) and felt a familiar sense of the cuteness I used to feel within myself. The playfulness... perhaps it was grounding for me as it gave me a temporary reprieve from the usual tension and anxiety I feel. I'll have to see if I can find a self-hypnosis or guided meditation good for grounding and centering. Lately I've been recording some hypnosis scripts with intent of putting them on a CD and listening to them. It's been a slow process as I've only felt up to doing so a little here and there. What else... I'm still reading self-help books as well as a few websites. I've been trying to keep in touch with people or at least touch base with those I haven't talked to in a while. Far as figuring out where to live, I will probably have to come to some sort of decision monday as that is when I have an appointment to do an initial assesment at the local community mental health clinic. They'll likely need to know for sure though even though I don't feel ready yet. Oh well, Monday's a few days off yet.

What else... other than having spent about 90 mins on one of the furry mucks (tapestries), there isn't much else to write. I basically just 'listened' to people 'talking' in the room. It was rather relaxing and I did some more web browsing for some more hypnotherapy scripts. Was trying to find one for grounding/centering but no luck yet. Maybe tomorrow.