In the Emo Month of May...
I need to go to sleep soon.
This has been a hell month. I keep meaning to type, thinking of posts, but I just don't have the energy. I'm still sick, I'm fighting with my mom (I think), I keep messing up royally at work, Cleo peed on my bed and in my clean clothes basket, it's just been thing after thing, and what with almost all my plans falling through, I've been annoyingly emo. I'm sad and apathetic and hermit-y, not replying to people that I need to and hiding away to mope in the shadows. I am instinctively trying to be irresponsible, so I'm consciously trying to fight that urge. And at the end of this month my fave vet is leaving my hopital :(. It was just too much too fast and I feel the need to just shut down.
There's a lot rolling around in my head, and I think some of it is mild depression trying to assert itself. I'm trying hard to ignore it, to fight it and think happy thoughts, but it's just been so hard lately. I know I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a lovely apartment, my daughter is seriously one of the best in the whole world, my job (when I'm not screwing it up) is good and I can still splurge on occasion on things like purses and belly dance workshops. Life is not bad.
It's just that there's this damn grey cloud obscuring my vision, and I can't see past it very well right now. I just keep trying to consciously think about the good things, Devin and lilacs and Albie and my friends and all my neat things all over my apartment, the bowling party and dancing at Heat and Grandma's House Woobie perfume and making belly dance pants...
I'm trying, I'm really trying. I'm sorry if I've not gotten back to you in a timely fashion. Please be patient with me. Invitations are TOTALLY welcome right now. I can always use a little love, and a little company.
This has been a hell month. I keep meaning to type, thinking of posts, but I just don't have the energy. I'm still sick, I'm fighting with my mom (I think), I keep messing up royally at work, Cleo peed on my bed and in my clean clothes basket, it's just been thing after thing, and what with almost all my plans falling through, I've been annoyingly emo. I'm sad and apathetic and hermit-y, not replying to people that I need to and hiding away to mope in the shadows. I am instinctively trying to be irresponsible, so I'm consciously trying to fight that urge. And at the end of this month my fave vet is leaving my hopital :(. It was just too much too fast and I feel the need to just shut down.
There's a lot rolling around in my head, and I think some of it is mild depression trying to assert itself. I'm trying hard to ignore it, to fight it and think happy thoughts, but it's just been so hard lately. I know I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a lovely apartment, my daughter is seriously one of the best in the whole world, my job (when I'm not screwing it up) is good and I can still splurge on occasion on things like purses and belly dance workshops. Life is not bad.
It's just that there's this damn grey cloud obscuring my vision, and I can't see past it very well right now. I just keep trying to consciously think about the good things, Devin and lilacs and Albie and my friends and all my neat things all over my apartment, the bowling party and dancing at Heat and Grandma's House Woobie perfume and making belly dance pants...
I'm trying, I'm really trying. I'm sorry if I've not gotten back to you in a timely fashion. Please be patient with me. Invitations are TOTALLY welcome right now. I can always use a little love, and a little company.