Fic: Will You Respect Me in the Morning? (SGA, John/Rodney, PG)
Dear just_eunice:
THEY SAY IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY! *dadadadadada* Well HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! *dadadadadada* I've written you FIC, GIRL! *dadadadadada* And it's JUST FOR YOU! *guitar solo, followed by jumping into the air and knocking over speakers*
title: will you respect me in the morning?
author: xanphibian
fandom: SGA
pairing: john/rodney
rating: fun for all ages!
disclaimer: I do not own them.
summary: aliens make them do ... it.
notes: for my Becca’s birthday!
***
“I thought I’d prepared myself for every single eventuality,” Rodney was saying. “But this is completely outside the realm of ...”
“McKay, shut it,” John said wearily. “Just come here.”
“I can’t believe this is happening,” Rodney grumbled, but walked over and sat beside John on the colorful, harem-like, satin-covered bed. “ I’ve read all the SGC reports. I’ve never heard of anything like this.”
“I don’t think either of us saw this coming,” John said wryly.
“I don’t even know where to start! It’s not like I have a whole lot of experience with ...”
“What, you’ve never had sex before?” John said.
“Huh? Well, of course I’ve had sex, what the hell do you take me for? But that’s completely beside the point. I’m saying - oh, god,” Rodney said miserably. “I’ve just never done this.”
“It’s okay, McKay. I’ve ... done this. Quite a bit, actually.”
Rodney stared at him, and his mouth opened and then clicked shut. He managed to speak through his clenched jaw, though. “Well, of course you have. Is there anything you haven’t done? Is there anything like this,” he waved his arms between them both, “that you aren’t good at?”
He sounded so desolate that John wanted to do exactly what the very, very strange aliens had ordered them to do.
“It’s okay, McKay. Rodney,” John said, softening his tone. “I understand how you ... is it really that distasteful?”
Rodney looked like he wasn’t sure if he wanted to punch John or burst into tears. “It’s not that I find it distasteful exactly. Just ... uncomfortable.”
John nodded. “I can see that.”
“It’s not like I’m very good with people anyway, and this is ... one of those things that ...”
“Come here,” John said after a long sigh. “I’ll help. I’ll ... show you what to do.”
Rodney scowled. “Stop looking at me like I’m a moron,” he said, and scooted a little closer. “Just because I’ve never done it before doesn’t mean I ... I don’t know the mechanics.”
“Come here Rodney,” John said, and grabbed him by the arm.
“Hey, hey, manhandling is off the menu, here! I didn’t agree to ... to ... oh,” Rodney sputtered, and calmed when he was flush against John’s side.
John held him close with one arm around a shoulder. “See? It’s not so bad. Just, this, only ... a little more. And in a horizontal position.”
Rodney was still a little stiff beside him, but John could tell he was trying valiantly to relax into the embrace. “This is so embarrassing.”
“I won’t tell anyone anything about it, okay?”
“Yes, but ... you’ll know. Things will be weird between us, and sooner or later you’ll get fed up with the constant tension and kick me off the team, and then you’ll try to have me transferred away from Atlantis - which, I have to tell you right now isn’t going to work because I’m the only person in the city who actually knows what he’s doing, but still, it’ll be there between us and nothing will ever be the same ...”
“Oh, for god’s sake,” John said, getting a good hold on Rodney and pulling him down onto the bed.
Rodney squeaked. “You’re not listening to me at all!”
“Get comfortable, Rodney,” John said, jerking Rodney closer.
“I can’t believe you’re even going along with this,” Rodney grumbled when he finally seemed to figure out he could do absolutely nothing about the situation.
“It’s no big deal, really, and they have something that very, very strongly resembles Ancient technology laying around in those woods of theirs, which they’ve been quick to tell us they’d be happy to share with us. I would have thought you’d be jumping at the chance.”
“Why couldn’t they have just ordered us to do something ... something just a little less humiliating!”
“Like what?” John said, and let his head burrow against Rodney’s chest. He made a happy, contented sound without even wanting to.
“Actual sex! They could have ordered us to have sex.”
“I can’t believe you would find sex less traumatic than cuddling. That’s just so ... so you.”
“Hmm. I guess ... this isn’t so bad. You’re kind of good at it, actually.”
“Thank you,” John said, rubbing his cheek against the place where he could hear Rodney’s heart beat.
“What about me?” Rodney said, sounding a little tense.
“What about you?”
“How am I doing?” Rodney said impatiently. “I mean, keep in mind this is my first time.”
John grinned. “You’re doing just fine. Maybe you could put an arm around me, though.”
Rodney brought his arms down and squeezed.
“Ow, too tight, need to breathe, Rodney!”
“Oh, sorry. Um. This better?”
John laughed against Rodney’s uniform shirt. “Much. Okay, this is good. I guess we could stay like this for a while and it should satisfy them enough to let us go and show us the way to their best Ancient tech.”
Rodney was quiet for so long that John thought he’d drifted off to sleep or something. But then he spoke up, and John could hear the rumble of his voice under his face.
“What did you mean, about the sex stuff? Do you normally ... uh, do this? After sex? I know a lot of people do, but luckily all of my past encounters have been a little, well, rushed and more of the ‘oh, thank god we’re alive’ variety than the kind that comes with afterglow.”
“It’s nice. I, uh, haven’t done it in a while, though. But yeah, in a perfect world ...”
“Huh. Well, I guess it isn’t that bad.”
“Why are you asking?” John said, lifting his head to give Rodney a curious look.
“Well, you know, just in case. For future reference and all that.”
“Just in case ... you and I have sex?”
Rodney rolled his eyes. “You don’t have to sound so freaked out. It’s not like you’ve never thought about it before.”
“Actually, no, no I haven’t,” John said firmly.
“Oh. Well, of course,” Rodney said quickly. “Me neither.”
Rodney was a very, very bad liar, but John wasn’t sure he wanted to call him on this particular untruth.
John, on the other hand, was much better at telling lies. “I hope they don’t keep us here much longer,” he said, and snuggled a little closer to Rodney’s warmth. When Rodney’s arms flexed around him and held him tighter, but not too tight this time, John hid his smile against Rodney’s vest where he wouldn’t be able to see.
Thirty minutes later, Rodney started to complain.
“My leg is falling asleep. No, actually, it is asleep. Do you have to lay right there?”
“Lie.”
“What?”
“Chickens lay, people lie.”
“Oh, thank you so much for that grammar lesson, professor.” Rodney shifted some more under him. “But seriously, this is uncomfortable. I thought you were good at this!”
“Uh, by this time I’m usually asleep and the other person is sneaking out the door.”
Rodney snorted. “Really?”
“Or something like that. Look, it’s not like I’ve ever done it for this long.”
“Maybe the aliens have actually found some sort of new torture technique. Cuddle until you break!”
John snickered and rolled onto his back. “Fine, we’ll just change positions. Think you can handle that?”
“There are different positions? What, is there some Cuddling Kama Sutra out there somewhere?”
“C’mere,” John said, trying not to laugh. He tugged Rodney close to him again, so that Rodney’s head was resting on his chest.
“You’re so grabby. And demanding. Damned military, think you can have anything you want,” Rodney grumbled, but his tone was almost light as he settled against John.
John ran one hand through Rodney’s hair. “Not everything.”
Silence. Then, “Yeah. I, uh, get that.”
John sucked in a breath. “You do?”
Rodney turned his head, just a little, and kissed the spot where John’s heart was racing beneath his shirt. John let his hands smooth over Rodney’s back, his neck, his arms.
“This is so fucked up,” Rodney mumbled against John’s chest. “I can’t believe we ...”
“How is it?” John said, cutting Rodney off. He was almost afraid of whatever Rodney had been about to say next.
Rodney gave a happy sound. “Good.”
“Good.” John fidgeted a little. “Um, good enough that you’d maybe want to do it again sometime?”
Rodney lifted his head and smiled crookedly. His eyes were twinkling, like he knew the answer to some phenomenal equation that had so far been undiscovered. Nobel Prize material. “Maybe with a little incentive.”
John swallowed, hard. “Like what?” He could barely get the words out.
Rodney shrugged and settled back down against John’s chest. “This probably is even better if you do it after, I don’t know, sex or something.”
“Oh,” John said quietly. His breath was shallow, but it had nothing to do with the extra weight on his chest. “You think so, huh?”
John could hear the smile in Rodney’s voice when he hummed, nodded his head, and said, “Definitely.”
end
THEY SAY IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY! *dadadadadada* Well HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! *dadadadadada* I've written you FIC, GIRL! *dadadadadada* And it's JUST FOR YOU! *guitar solo, followed by jumping into the air and knocking over speakers*
title: will you respect me in the morning?
author: xanphibian
fandom: SGA
pairing: john/rodney
rating: fun for all ages!
disclaimer: I do not own them.
summary: aliens make them do ... it.
notes: for my Becca’s birthday!
***
“I thought I’d prepared myself for every single eventuality,” Rodney was saying. “But this is completely outside the realm of ...”
“McKay, shut it,” John said wearily. “Just come here.”
“I can’t believe this is happening,” Rodney grumbled, but walked over and sat beside John on the colorful, harem-like, satin-covered bed. “ I’ve read all the SGC reports. I’ve never heard of anything like this.”
“I don’t think either of us saw this coming,” John said wryly.
“I don’t even know where to start! It’s not like I have a whole lot of experience with ...”
“What, you’ve never had sex before?” John said.
“Huh? Well, of course I’ve had sex, what the hell do you take me for? But that’s completely beside the point. I’m saying - oh, god,” Rodney said miserably. “I’ve just never done this.”
“It’s okay, McKay. I’ve ... done this. Quite a bit, actually.”
Rodney stared at him, and his mouth opened and then clicked shut. He managed to speak through his clenched jaw, though. “Well, of course you have. Is there anything you haven’t done? Is there anything like this,” he waved his arms between them both, “that you aren’t good at?”
He sounded so desolate that John wanted to do exactly what the very, very strange aliens had ordered them to do.
“It’s okay, McKay. Rodney,” John said, softening his tone. “I understand how you ... is it really that distasteful?”
Rodney looked like he wasn’t sure if he wanted to punch John or burst into tears. “It’s not that I find it distasteful exactly. Just ... uncomfortable.”
John nodded. “I can see that.”
“It’s not like I’m very good with people anyway, and this is ... one of those things that ...”
“Come here,” John said after a long sigh. “I’ll help. I’ll ... show you what to do.”
Rodney scowled. “Stop looking at me like I’m a moron,” he said, and scooted a little closer. “Just because I’ve never done it before doesn’t mean I ... I don’t know the mechanics.”
“Come here Rodney,” John said, and grabbed him by the arm.
“Hey, hey, manhandling is off the menu, here! I didn’t agree to ... to ... oh,” Rodney sputtered, and calmed when he was flush against John’s side.
John held him close with one arm around a shoulder. “See? It’s not so bad. Just, this, only ... a little more. And in a horizontal position.”
Rodney was still a little stiff beside him, but John could tell he was trying valiantly to relax into the embrace. “This is so embarrassing.”
“I won’t tell anyone anything about it, okay?”
“Yes, but ... you’ll know. Things will be weird between us, and sooner or later you’ll get fed up with the constant tension and kick me off the team, and then you’ll try to have me transferred away from Atlantis - which, I have to tell you right now isn’t going to work because I’m the only person in the city who actually knows what he’s doing, but still, it’ll be there between us and nothing will ever be the same ...”
“Oh, for god’s sake,” John said, getting a good hold on Rodney and pulling him down onto the bed.
Rodney squeaked. “You’re not listening to me at all!”
“Get comfortable, Rodney,” John said, jerking Rodney closer.
“I can’t believe you’re even going along with this,” Rodney grumbled when he finally seemed to figure out he could do absolutely nothing about the situation.
“It’s no big deal, really, and they have something that very, very strongly resembles Ancient technology laying around in those woods of theirs, which they’ve been quick to tell us they’d be happy to share with us. I would have thought you’d be jumping at the chance.”
“Why couldn’t they have just ordered us to do something ... something just a little less humiliating!”
“Like what?” John said, and let his head burrow against Rodney’s chest. He made a happy, contented sound without even wanting to.
“Actual sex! They could have ordered us to have sex.”
“I can’t believe you would find sex less traumatic than cuddling. That’s just so ... so you.”
“Hmm. I guess ... this isn’t so bad. You’re kind of good at it, actually.”
“Thank you,” John said, rubbing his cheek against the place where he could hear Rodney’s heart beat.
“What about me?” Rodney said, sounding a little tense.
“What about you?”
“How am I doing?” Rodney said impatiently. “I mean, keep in mind this is my first time.”
John grinned. “You’re doing just fine. Maybe you could put an arm around me, though.”
Rodney brought his arms down and squeezed.
“Ow, too tight, need to breathe, Rodney!”
“Oh, sorry. Um. This better?”
John laughed against Rodney’s uniform shirt. “Much. Okay, this is good. I guess we could stay like this for a while and it should satisfy them enough to let us go and show us the way to their best Ancient tech.”
Rodney was quiet for so long that John thought he’d drifted off to sleep or something. But then he spoke up, and John could hear the rumble of his voice under his face.
“What did you mean, about the sex stuff? Do you normally ... uh, do this? After sex? I know a lot of people do, but luckily all of my past encounters have been a little, well, rushed and more of the ‘oh, thank god we’re alive’ variety than the kind that comes with afterglow.”
“It’s nice. I, uh, haven’t done it in a while, though. But yeah, in a perfect world ...”
“Huh. Well, I guess it isn’t that bad.”
“Why are you asking?” John said, lifting his head to give Rodney a curious look.
“Well, you know, just in case. For future reference and all that.”
“Just in case ... you and I have sex?”
Rodney rolled his eyes. “You don’t have to sound so freaked out. It’s not like you’ve never thought about it before.”
“Actually, no, no I haven’t,” John said firmly.
“Oh. Well, of course,” Rodney said quickly. “Me neither.”
Rodney was a very, very bad liar, but John wasn’t sure he wanted to call him on this particular untruth.
John, on the other hand, was much better at telling lies. “I hope they don’t keep us here much longer,” he said, and snuggled a little closer to Rodney’s warmth. When Rodney’s arms flexed around him and held him tighter, but not too tight this time, John hid his smile against Rodney’s vest where he wouldn’t be able to see.
Thirty minutes later, Rodney started to complain.
“My leg is falling asleep. No, actually, it is asleep. Do you have to lay right there?”
“Lie.”
“What?”
“Chickens lay, people lie.”
“Oh, thank you so much for that grammar lesson, professor.” Rodney shifted some more under him. “But seriously, this is uncomfortable. I thought you were good at this!”
“Uh, by this time I’m usually asleep and the other person is sneaking out the door.”
Rodney snorted. “Really?”
“Or something like that. Look, it’s not like I’ve ever done it for this long.”
“Maybe the aliens have actually found some sort of new torture technique. Cuddle until you break!”
John snickered and rolled onto his back. “Fine, we’ll just change positions. Think you can handle that?”
“There are different positions? What, is there some Cuddling Kama Sutra out there somewhere?”
“C’mere,” John said, trying not to laugh. He tugged Rodney close to him again, so that Rodney’s head was resting on his chest.
“You’re so grabby. And demanding. Damned military, think you can have anything you want,” Rodney grumbled, but his tone was almost light as he settled against John.
John ran one hand through Rodney’s hair. “Not everything.”
Silence. Then, “Yeah. I, uh, get that.”
John sucked in a breath. “You do?”
Rodney turned his head, just a little, and kissed the spot where John’s heart was racing beneath his shirt. John let his hands smooth over Rodney’s back, his neck, his arms.
“This is so fucked up,” Rodney mumbled against John’s chest. “I can’t believe we ...”
“How is it?” John said, cutting Rodney off. He was almost afraid of whatever Rodney had been about to say next.
Rodney gave a happy sound. “Good.”
“Good.” John fidgeted a little. “Um, good enough that you’d maybe want to do it again sometime?”
Rodney lifted his head and smiled crookedly. His eyes were twinkling, like he knew the answer to some phenomenal equation that had so far been undiscovered. Nobel Prize material. “Maybe with a little incentive.”
John swallowed, hard. “Like what?” He could barely get the words out.
Rodney shrugged and settled back down against John’s chest. “This probably is even better if you do it after, I don’t know, sex or something.”
“Oh,” John said quietly. His breath was shallow, but it had nothing to do with the extra weight on his chest. “You think so, huh?”
John could hear the smile in Rodney’s voice when he hummed, nodded his head, and said, “Definitely.”
end