(no subject)
someone suggested making my entries private, but i don't really care about what they or anyone have to say. its surprising that people understand what the hell i'm even talking about in the first place unless you know what regularly goes on in my life, which most people have no clue.
anyway, its my birthday tomorrow!!!! i shall be spending the rest of this day sleeping until 4 or so cause i have just done 3 radio shifts in 14 hours and i'm absolutely exhausted. engineering was fun as usual and i even got to go on air with the lovely mr. obi and goomba, twas sweet. then i tried to sleep and every single time i almost fell asleep damn obi woke me up, gah. then i had to get up at 1:30 ish to do my first DJ shift! it was such a disaster and i'm upset cause a certain blonde abandoned me, but of course, i'm sure he has to sleep and i'm just mildly irritated. i'm sure i will tell him all about it later today or tomorrow when he takes me out for my birthday ;)
oh man, but seriously, a little creepy to have no engineer and be the only one up at the station, a lil too weird for my taste. and i have no idea what to talk about cause i'm not exactly interesting at 2 am. so now i finish my last shift, the lovely morning news from 6-9 am. going on air for 7 hours in a row is just a peach.
but just a comment, more to myself than anyone else. for someone who used to do a lot of overthinking and panicking, its not so bad right now. i really gotta credit matt for working on calming me down over the last month or so. god knows i have driven that boy mad with all my inane babbles and panic attacks and rants and cries. however, its really worth it to be able to calm down and not think and think all the time. i'm not worried about what is going to happen tomorrow (although i am kinda curious ;) i wanna see what people come up with). i don't have many panic attacks now that the medicine is correcting itself in my body and i've stopped the thinking. the ones i do have come with waking up, but only when i wake up not having taken my sleeping pills the night before.
but seriously, i read things and wonder why people have gotten worse with their panic issues while i'm getting better? kinda makes me feel a little bad for someone who jumped from one messed up girl to another in even worse condition than i, but i really don't care right about now. i was so better off this way. i've learned to stand up for myself, i can stand on my own right about now without much help from anyone. i've rearranged my friendships, made new ones, deepened others. what i wanted to happen last month, didn't happen and i'm not disappointed about it. i've learned to cope with not always being able to get what you want, or when you want it, however, that isn't going to stop me from trying. if anything, i'm more stubborn than certain people realize. anyway, last bit of traffic to say and its time for sleep. and then i can go have good dreams about people ;)