-yawn...-
Last night..for the performance part..kinda sucked except for knuggs, stryfe, baily, storm..and I'm obligated to say leslie...feelgood and skychurh really dissapointed me. What WAS fun was seeing so many people and then meeting new people :] It was an okay way to bring in the new year I suppose. What really was kinda fun was sneaking around the uno ghetto with Josh threatening to cut people like a t-bone steak with a dull ass steak knife when we were all fucked up. It was nice to kinda sit down and talk with him, didn't really get to do much of that at Cafe Roma, Josh is a really sweet guy..even though he tries his hardest to really be..and succeeds...on being an asshole sometimes. =x I don't know if I was supposed to say that because it may be incrimanating towards him..but it's the truth.
Today..all I wanted to do was just get some place where I felt comfrontable and take a shower that bunrt the top layer of skin off of my icky, smelly, rave funk body. I starting feeling really out of place and uncomfrontable at Steph's when I woke up and really wanted to go "home."..Whatever that is..and where ever I seem to feel like that it is. I always wasn't feeling so good and had exetrememly bad cramps in my stomach, a pounding headache, and just wanted to be alone. Standing on the ferry watching the city lights get further and further away and out of my head helped...it gave me the oppertunity to take a few deep breaths and smile before I remembered certain things that had pissed me off the night before.
Guy things...in this world of supposed "1 person for everyone" I'm still lonely, depressed, and not at all liking it. It's that feeling you get when it's 3 people chilling..one of which is single....and the others not...like the feeling I get with Kitty and Johnny, Jess and Ned, and the feeling I got with Josh and Steph...sometimes it helps to just cry when you don't know why you're doing it, but it didn't help me, I just did it more..and more, until I fell asleep again. I can't help but to rememeber what it actually WAS like to be with someone..and have the feeling inside that you do when you really like that person...and you know they really like you back, but in my world...that feeling is only temporary until I fuck up, or I'm just not good enough anymore...or the feeling just fades and leaves you feeling dirty, used, washed up, and leaves you feeling like tis trek in life you keep taking..is getting you nowhere but down.
Blah, I'm achey, a little tired, and Leslie's giving me a hard time..AGAIN..I'm going to go play with my neopets and figure out Kemo's soldiers and mercenaries thing...maybe it's interresting...later
Today..all I wanted to do was just get some place where I felt comfrontable and take a shower that bunrt the top layer of skin off of my icky, smelly, rave funk body. I starting feeling really out of place and uncomfrontable at Steph's when I woke up and really wanted to go "home."..Whatever that is..and where ever I seem to feel like that it is. I always wasn't feeling so good and had exetrememly bad cramps in my stomach, a pounding headache, and just wanted to be alone. Standing on the ferry watching the city lights get further and further away and out of my head helped...it gave me the oppertunity to take a few deep breaths and smile before I remembered certain things that had pissed me off the night before.
Guy things...in this world of supposed "1 person for everyone" I'm still lonely, depressed, and not at all liking it. It's that feeling you get when it's 3 people chilling..one of which is single....and the others not...like the feeling I get with Kitty and Johnny, Jess and Ned, and the feeling I got with Josh and Steph...sometimes it helps to just cry when you don't know why you're doing it, but it didn't help me, I just did it more..and more, until I fell asleep again. I can't help but to rememeber what it actually WAS like to be with someone..and have the feeling inside that you do when you really like that person...and you know they really like you back, but in my world...that feeling is only temporary until I fuck up, or I'm just not good enough anymore...or the feeling just fades and leaves you feeling dirty, used, washed up, and leaves you feeling like tis trek in life you keep taking..is getting you nowhere but down.
Blah, I'm achey, a little tired, and Leslie's giving me a hard time..AGAIN..I'm going to go play with my neopets and figure out Kemo's soldiers and mercenaries thing...maybe it's interresting...later