Gah!!
So anyway, today during lesson five I find out from my Mentor (as a new teacher I have one the first year of teaching - she is amazing)the Line Manager may be turning up.
And she does. This will be the first time she has been there when she said she would for a long time. At least it's been about four or five other times she has said she will be here for something and she does not get here.
I'm in the middle of a parent / teacher interview and she comes in and just introduces herself, and sits down. Now since I did not know she was going to be there neither did the parent who looked somewhat surprised as was I. This parent is very protective of her child and it was a follow up interview to one held with her and her husband a fortnight ago - not really the best one for the boss to turn up to.
So after the parent leaves I feel as if I am on trial. Realistically I know she wants the best but I just cannot communicate with her. She stresses me out big time. So in summary this is what she said. This is the first time she has been in my class mind you for three months, I know my mentor has to tell her what I am doing but I'm upset that she can be with me for only ten minutes before passing judgement.
She can see no visible improvement in my teaching. My classroom is still disorganised and a mess. When I stated I was in the middle of tidying things as it was the second to last day of term and it was my day's mess (plus extra from the relief teacher yesterday which I was going to mark this afternoon) she said I always use that excuse.
She said I need to justify their having given me release days for extra training and the help I am receiving from my mentor - to justify this being done. She said she was concerned I was not showing enough independence in my teaching by this stage and that next year I was going to sink rather than swim.
Now I admit I still need to work on my organisation. However I have also had feedback from other teachers who have seen how I have changed and gotten better. I have received one release day for training, the other T& D sessions I have been to have either been in my holiday or weekend time: the one time I needed and asked for the extra which was being paid for automatically by the Department and not the School I couldn't get the release time even though as a new teacher I was supposed to have priority for this particular literacy and numeracy conference.
She then asked if there were any issues I felt I need to deal with or could think of - so I said that for the last week my focus has been a bereavement and all my emotional energy has gone on that - not enough to effect my teaching as everything was all planned out and it was fine, but I essentialy needed another day to get myself back on track.
She said that she had suggested before I go make and appointment to see a counsellor and now she was telling me to do so. So in half an hour she destroys me emotionally then goes merrily along.
Yes I agree I need to work on things. I was feeling I had gotten better until she said what she did today. I think it was the fact my mentor let her say it without defending me that made me think I suck as a teacher though. I am doing ten hour days to try and get it all done. That's not counting what I do at home in research and preparation - so right now I feel as if it's all been a waste.
So later on I ended up bawling my eyes out with another teacher. Now I admit my emotions are raw from the funeral yesterday but last time she did this I ended up in tears as well.
I think I'll end up telling the counsellor I feel as if she is bullying me - she really makes me feel like a piece of shit.
And she does. This will be the first time she has been there when she said she would for a long time. At least it's been about four or five other times she has said she will be here for something and she does not get here.
I'm in the middle of a parent / teacher interview and she comes in and just introduces herself, and sits down. Now since I did not know she was going to be there neither did the parent who looked somewhat surprised as was I. This parent is very protective of her child and it was a follow up interview to one held with her and her husband a fortnight ago - not really the best one for the boss to turn up to.
So after the parent leaves I feel as if I am on trial. Realistically I know she wants the best but I just cannot communicate with her. She stresses me out big time. So in summary this is what she said. This is the first time she has been in my class mind you for three months, I know my mentor has to tell her what I am doing but I'm upset that she can be with me for only ten minutes before passing judgement.
She can see no visible improvement in my teaching. My classroom is still disorganised and a mess. When I stated I was in the middle of tidying things as it was the second to last day of term and it was my day's mess (plus extra from the relief teacher yesterday which I was going to mark this afternoon) she said I always use that excuse.
She said I need to justify their having given me release days for extra training and the help I am receiving from my mentor - to justify this being done. She said she was concerned I was not showing enough independence in my teaching by this stage and that next year I was going to sink rather than swim.
Now I admit I still need to work on my organisation. However I have also had feedback from other teachers who have seen how I have changed and gotten better. I have received one release day for training, the other T& D sessions I have been to have either been in my holiday or weekend time: the one time I needed and asked for the extra which was being paid for automatically by the Department and not the School I couldn't get the release time even though as a new teacher I was supposed to have priority for this particular literacy and numeracy conference.
She then asked if there were any issues I felt I need to deal with or could think of - so I said that for the last week my focus has been a bereavement and all my emotional energy has gone on that - not enough to effect my teaching as everything was all planned out and it was fine, but I essentialy needed another day to get myself back on track.
She said that she had suggested before I go make and appointment to see a counsellor and now she was telling me to do so. So in half an hour she destroys me emotionally then goes merrily along.
Yes I agree I need to work on things. I was feeling I had gotten better until she said what she did today. I think it was the fact my mentor let her say it without defending me that made me think I suck as a teacher though. I am doing ten hour days to try and get it all done. That's not counting what I do at home in research and preparation - so right now I feel as if it's all been a waste.
So later on I ended up bawling my eyes out with another teacher. Now I admit my emotions are raw from the funeral yesterday but last time she did this I ended up in tears as well.
I think I'll end up telling the counsellor I feel as if she is bullying me - she really makes me feel like a piece of shit.