(no subject)
Amends, Friendships And Moving On Chapter Twenty
Author: Xandercordy1
Pairing: X/S
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Feedback: Yes, please
Summary: This is the rest of the confrontation between Spike and Xander. Stupid LJ cut me off so I had to halve this chapter.
Previous parts can be found Here
“Hey, stop it.“ Xander pulled himself away from Angel and Spike with Buffy’s help. “You can’t tell me where I can stay and where I can’t. You told me to be gone from the mansion by the time you got back,” Xander pointed at Spike before whirling around, pointing his finger in Angel’s direction. “And you seconded the motion so….”
“Listen, Xander, about earlier, I apologize for jumping to conclusions, making judgments and….”
“Hurting my feelings?“ Xander interrupted.
“And taking up for Spike?” Buffy added.
“I‘m not apologizing for taking up for Spike. He‘s family. But I should have tried to stay more neutral and waited for Spike to come home so you two could talk.”
“You took up for me?” Spike turned to Angel with a grin on his face.
“Like I said, you are family, Spike.” Spike couldn’t believe how much those words warmed his heart. That is until Xander’s words sunk in. “You actually kicked my boy out of the house!” Amber eyes glared at a stunned Angel.
“No. Yes….hell, from what I heard you’d already done that yourself. So, I thought if you didn’t want him there…..”
“No one has a right to throw him out of the house but me, Angel.”
“Which you did at the library.” Xander interceded. “And don’t be so pissy with Angel when he was just doing what he felt was best. You two have been together for centuries so naturally your friendship is going to mean more than mine.”
“Angel bloody well knows how I am when I’m all worked up. Saying things I don’t mean because I’m hurt or angry. He should have kept you safely at home until I returned and then asked me what I wanted to do instead of just tossing you out the door.“
“He didn’t physically toss me out the door.”
“Who the fuck do I look like to you? Kreskin? Is there no pleasing you?” Angel was pissed at Spike now.
“Evidently I did for a while but now Spike’s tired of my yammering and he doesn’t want to see my face anymore so I’d appreciate it if you would both quit following me.” Xander turned and pointed at Angel and Spike. “Buffy’s the only one I feel like talking to right now.”
“And I’m taking him to my house.” Buffy looked at the others before she and Xander began walking away. “Spike actually told you that he didn‘t want to see you anymore?” Xander nodded sadly and Buffy‘s hand tightened around the stake she was holding.
“I had to. The boy came into the bar acting all macho and trying to boss me around.” Spike’s voice came from behind them and they turned to face Angel and Spike.
“Your point being?”
“We were in a room full of demons. Demons who would use Xander against me if they knew how much he means to me. I couldn’t let that happen.”
“Who are you trying to kid, Spike? You were just worried about your reputation.” Xander began walking, the others following.
“Well, yeah that too.”
“And I’m fairly certain I said I didn’t want anyone around but Buffy.”
“Xander, what the hell were you thinking going to those demon bars without waiting on me?“
“I wanted to find Spike and I didn’t want to wait around all night while you and Angel kept arguing about who was right and who was wrong. Hell, if I can take out Jack O’Toole, his three zombie buddies and diffuse a bomb, I can certainly handle going into demon bars alone. Besides, with Spike’s scent on me, most of them leave me alone.”
“Hold up. Did you just say you fought a bully, three zombies and diffused a bomb?” Buffy couldn’t believe her ears.
“That’s right, Slayer. Oh, by the way, Jack O’Toole won’t be in school anymore.”
“Hey, Spike, you really are a poet.” Xander grinned, Spike returning it until they remembered they were pissed at each other. “You’re supposed to be going away now.”
“Tell me you didn’t kill a human, Spike.”
“Relax, Slayer. He was a zombie. Oz got out of his hideaway and ate him.”
“Gross. And good….about you not killing anyone human because we all know where that would lead.”
“Yeah, you’d have to try and stake me good and proper and then I’d have to make you my third….”
“I could take you, Spike. There’d be no trying to it.”
“Want to put a wager on it.”
“Shut up!” Xander yelled, making both of them jump. Even though they were being serious, they knew it would never come to a fight between them. At least they hoped not. They loved Xander and Angel too much to cause them any heartache.
“Xander, it’s okay.”
“No, it’s really not! It’s my worst nightmare! You think I haven’t thought about it before?”
“I know you have, Xander. You said so earlier….”
“Not just tonight, Buff. Lots of nights, lots of times.”
“But why would you? I promised you I wouldn't kill any humans and I keep my promises.”
Spike was offended.
“I know that. It's just...I’m a Harris. And for the first time in my life everything was going great….until tonight. And that‘s not supposed to happen. Harris‘ don‘t get a happily ever after. I thought maybe I could break the cycle. That just once….but it’s never going to happen. I screwed up like I always do, only not, you know? It wasn’t my fault but I made the wrong choice because I didn’t want to lose anyone that I loved. And the irony of it all is that I ended up hurting and chasing down the one person I love more than anyone in my life only to have him tell me he doesn’t want me anymore. I lost in the end, anyway.” Xander tried to walk in the other direction but Spike grabbed his arm.
“Don’t walk away from me. Stay.“
“Why? So we can say more mean and hurtful things to each other? Make each other more miserable?”
“No, so we can clear this up. I never went to Faith’s tonight. I couldn’t. And as far as there being anything going on in the bars there wasn’t.” Xander snorted. “Okay, a little flirting but as mad and as hurt as I was, I couldn’t betray you.”
“And I didn’t betray you.” Xander took a deep breath and looked into Spike’s eyes. “I have to tell you the truth because I see now that even a little ommission, even if it’s because I’m trying to keep things from getting out of hand, is a lie. It only comes back to bite you on the ass in a big way.” Angel looked around, noticing they had made it as far as the edge of the park. It was empty.
“Maybe we should let you two talk in private.”
“No, Angel, I’m thinking we need you here.” Xander said and Spike stared at him in confusion.
“Why would we need them to sort this out?”
“Because you’re not going to like what you hear, Spike. But you have to promise me that you’ll listen all the way through before you move from this spot.” Spike was wary but nodded, and Xander told him the whole truth. Spike stood still, clenching and unclenching his fists, his jaw twitching in anger, as he tried to control himself long enough to hear everything that had happened. The bitch was going to pay.
“Why did you cover for Faith, Xander? Does she mean more to you than our relationship?”
“Of course not! Don’t you get it?" Spike shook his head. "I don’t want to see the man I love and one of my best friends fight to the death over a bitch like her and that’s what will happen if you kill Faith!“
“Don’t you care about what she did to Xander?” Spike turned on Buffy.
“Of course I care! You think I don’t want to go over there and beat her to within an inch of her life for what she did to him?”
“Good, let’s go then.” Spike started forward but Xander and Angel stopped him.
“Buffy said she wanted to. Didn’t say she would.” Angel told him.
“Because Faith is human?” Spike scoffed.
“Exactly.”
“If you ask me half the people you white hats fight to save are worse than most of the demons you slay.”
“Maybe so, but we’ve sworn to protect humans. It may not always be pretty but it’s what we do.”
“Don’t give me that, you poof. You may fool yourself and the slayer with your grand speeches about doing good, but when all is said and done you’re still a vampire with vampire instincts. You know if Faith did anything to the Slayer, you would rip her heart out and dance on her grave.“ Spike stepped up, staring Angel down, daring him to deny it.
“Angel?”
“Buffy, Spike’s right. If Faith were to hurt you in any way, I would feel the same way Spike is feeling right now.”
“But you have a soul.”
“Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t kill anyone who tried to harm you.”
“Glad we have that settled then.” .
“Nothing’s settled.” Spike looked at Xander in surprise. “If Faith had killed me tonight, I could understand the wanting to get revenge and my ghost self would be cheering you on. But here I am, alive and in the flesh.” Xander gestured at himself. “Sure, I was humiliated because I was stupid enough to fall for her ’help me out’ line and for almost getting….”
“Raped?!” Spike shouted.
“If you want to put it that way, Mr. Technical.”
“And how would you put it?”
“I’ve seen Faith after fights. She’s like a wild thing. She told us when we first met her that slaying always made her hungry and horny, remember Buffy?”
“Yeah, she did Xan but that’s no excuse for what she did.”
“I’m not making excuses for her, Buff. Faith should have taken no for an answer, but I think she was just worked up and couldn’t believe that anyone would turn her down. Spike, you yourself said she propositioned you in the library after the fight with the Hellmouth beast. I think that’s just her M.O. Fight and fuck, repeat as needed with whoever’s closest, regardless of the consequences.”
“She needs to learn the consequences of touching what is mine.” Spike growled.
“I know that but couldn‘t you wait until you‘ve calmed down and then give her a stern warning.”
“I doubt if I’ll ever calm down and vampires don’t give stern warnings. They take revenge.”
“Spike, is getting revenge worth more than our relationship?“ Xander’s voice stopped Spike and he turned around, walking back over to his lover.
“Don’t throw my own words back at me, Xander.”
“Why not? Do you think you’re the only one worried about our relationship?”
“No, it just pisses me off.” Spike gave Xander a wan smile and tentatively reached out for Xander who pulled away. “I’m so sorry for being such a wanker, luv. It’s just…I love you so much. More than I ever loved Dru or An..yone else.” Spike cast an eye at Buffy, but luckily she hadn’t caught the slip or hadn’t heard. Angel had though and he lowered his head in shame, knowing that Xander had been right about Spike’s trust issues being partly his fault.
“That’s not true.”
“It bloody well is!”
“Like I told Angel earlier, you never left Drusilla even though she fucked everything that walked! You loved her so much that you followed her all over the place begging for her to take you back! You were even crazy enough to try a damn love spell on her just to get her back! But me…..it took you all of five minutes to throw me out of your life and walk away. And then even after I realize that my love for you is greater than my pride I find you in a bar with a girl vampire who just so happened to look a little like Dru! And still I love you so much I try to get you to listen to me only to have you say all those mean things to me and tell me to leave again! And now that you’ve finally figured out that I didn’t have sex with Faith you’re ready to get all lovey-dovey?”
“Lovey huh?”
“Kiss and make up! Act like nothing happened! Do you just expect me to forget everything and fall back into your arms?!”
“Yes?”
“Oh, that’s right I forgot. You think humans are sluts.”
“Hey!” Buffy yelled but they both ignored her, Xander still ranting.
“That as long as you’ve got my legs in the air and you’re pounding me into the mattress…..”
“That’s our cue to leave.” Buffy grabbed Angel’s hand and dragged him away.
“But what if…..”
“They’re big boys. Besides, we’ll be over here close enough to watch what happens but far enough away not to hear anything.”
“Speak for yourself.”
“I am.”
“And you said you hated me, Xander. Did you mean that?” Spike’s quiet words stopped Xander, neither of them noticing Buffy and Angel’s exit.
“I hate how much you can hurt me with just a few words.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
“No, I don’t hate you.”
“And I don’t love Drusilla more than you.” Xander tried to turn away but Spike caught his chin, turning his face back so they were looking into each others eyes. “I love Dru because she’s my sire and that’s all. I’ve never loved anyone like I love you.”
“If that’s true then why didn’t you give me the same…..”
“Because our love is not the same as what Dru and I shared. We had a sire/childe love. A bond that can never be broken because she was the one that gave me immortality. William the human was a poncy, virgin poet. Drusilla turned me into the confident, sexy vampire that you see before you.” That got a smile out of Xander and Spike felt a little relief. Maybe he hadn’t totally destroyed their relationship. It had never occurred to Spike that Xander would compare how Spike treated him to how Spike treated Dru. He had to make Xander understand. “Xander, the reason I forgave Dru and chased after her even after all the things she had done to me was because of the bond. I was with her for almost a century. Taking care of her, having wild, passionate sex, bending to her every whim and desire no matter how jealous I was of her flirting and her trysts. Got used to it after a while. I thought that’s what love was….how it was meant to be.”
“Not helping yourself by talking about the wild, passionate sex.” Xander tried to move away, but Spike wrapped his arms around the boy.
“Quit squirming and listen to me. Really listen.” Xander stopped and looked at Spike again. “That’s all it was. Just sex. I didn’t realize that until after I met you, fell in love with you and took you to bed for the first time. Do you remember what it was like?” Spike whispered into Xander’s ear and the boy shuddered with lust.
“How could I forget? I had and still have nothing to compare it to, but I would bet my life if I were to have sex with everyone on this planet, no one could compare to you.“
“Got that right. And if I have my way, you’ll never have anything to compare it with.” Spike leaned back till he was staring into Xander’s eyes. “That’s part of why your supposed betrayal was so much worse than anything Dru had ever done to me.”
“Because I was a virgin when we got together?”
“Yes, I’m the only one who has ever been inside of you. Yes, I’m the only one you’ve ever been inside of….that’s a plus. But that’s not why. That first night,” Spike cleared his throat and Xander could see the tears glistening in his blue eyes, “you looked at me with such an expression of trust, love and loyalty that if I hadn’t already been in love with you, I would have fallen for you then. I looked into your eyes as I sank into your warmth for the first time and all I saw was love and lust for me. That’s why I came so quickly, you remember?”
“I remember.” Xander smiled, recalling how embarrassed Spike had seemed at the time. “If vampires could blush you would have been beet red.”
“I had never lost control like that before with anyone ever. And that’s saying a lot considering how long I’ve been around and how many people I’ve….”
“You were making me feel much better up until this point.” Xander tried to look down but Spike grabbed his chin, holding his gaze.
“Just proving a point, luv.”
“And what’s that? That you‘re very, very experienced and I‘m very, very not.”
“That when I admit how much I love you, when I bring up an embarrassing moment for me, you have to realize how special you are. Xander, it may have been your first time luv, but you took me to places no one, not even the most experienced of lovers, has taken me to before. Dru and the others, they never gave themselves to me completely, but you did. They never looked at me that way. Like I was the most special person in the world. You made me feel safe.”
“Safe?”
“I looked down at you, giving me not only your body but your soul and heart as well and I knew……I just knew that I could give you my heart and you would take care of it. That you would never stomp on it or toss it away. That you would never treat me the way the others had.” Xander let out a tiny gasp, realizing.
“That’s why you had such a hard time listening or forgiving me tonight. Not because you loved Dru more than me but because it was easier to forgive Dru because you were used to her hurting you. And you had trusted me more than you did her so…..”
“Exactly. Xander, you’re the only one I’ve ever been able to trust. And I know I can be a jealous, possessive arsewipe……”
“You’re a vampire.”
“The jealousy thing isn’t just about me being a vampire, pet. It’s about not wanting anyone to ever have what I have with you. I swear, Xander, if I lost you I think I’d take a walk in the sun.” Xander stared at Spike, saw the truth in his expression and slugged him on the shoulder. “Ow! That’s what I get for being honest with you? For letting you know how much you mean to me? Pouring out my heart like a ponce?”
“If I mean that much to you then don’t ever talk about throwing your unlife away do you hear me?” Xander was pacing now and didn’t notice the angry expression on Spike’s face.
“So you don’t like me talking about my second death, eh? Want me to take care of myself so nothing will ever happen to me is that it?”
“Of course I do, you doofus!”
“Just like you thought about your life earlier tonight when you were faced with that bomb?”
“That’s not the same thing, Spike.” Xander stopped pacing to stare at his lover.
“Innit it?” Spike stared back at him. “Dead is dead, whether it’s me turning to dust in the sun or you being blown to bloody bits all over the school walls.”
“Actually, I think the walls would have been gone as well….uh, cause it was a pretty big bomb.” Xander started out trying to tease but when Spike growled, he stuttered. “Geez, I thought we had this conversation back in the library. And we were talking about you now, not me.”
“I told you there was going to be a conversation. I don’t like the fact that you’ve resigned yourself to the fact that you’re going to die an early death. Makes me feel like one of these nights you’re just going to give up or throw yourself into a dangerous situation for home, hearth and the slayer, never caring what your death will mean to anyone else. I know you didn’t have a great home life but I thought after we got together you would at least be careful for me!”
“I haven’t resigned myself to anything.”
“Not what you said earlier.”
“I said I had come to terms with the fact that my helping Buffy and fighting the good fight might lead to an earlier death than most that’s all.”
“Resigning yourself to something means coming to terms with something, Xander.”
“Oh. Okay, but just because I know how dangerous it is that doesn’t mean that I don’t care what would happen to you or my friends if I died!”
“Then maybe you should try showing it!” Spike yelled back. “I saw you in that basement, Xander. I saw the ‘what the hell look’ and the smile on your face when that wanker said you’d die too! I heard you say ’you like the quiet’. If that wasn’t giving up your life for…”
“It was called bluffing, Spike!”
“Bluffing? You call that bluffing? Make a hell of a poker player, you would.”
“You once told me that I know how to read people. And I guess in a way I do. I knew that Jack would wimp out if it came to him losing his own life too. See, bullies, people who go around acting all badass and bragging about how they’re not afraid of anything are either very stupid, very psychotic or underneath they’re just chicken shits that like to mess with people they think can be intimidated so they can feel good about themselves. I know what I’m talking about since I lived with a very stupid, chicken shit father for a very long time. In Jack’s case he was all of the above.”
“Hold up a mo. You’ve told me that I go around acting all badass and bragging about how I’m not afraid of anything.”
“You do.” Xander smiled as Spike walked over, putting his arms around the boy.
“So which category do I fall into? Stupidity, being psychotic or a chicken shit?”
“Well, before I really knew you I thought you were psychotic but now I know that you’re unique. You’re one of the very few who can actually call themselves a badass and not be lying. The only thing you’re lying about is the part where you’re not afraid of anything. You’re afraid of being alone, aren’t you?”
“Not just being alone, Xander. Being without you.“ Spike leaned in and tentatively brushed his lips against Xander’s. “So is it time to go home and have a good, long shag? All is forgiven, yeah?” Spike was surprised when Xander leaned back and shook his head. “What do you mean no?”
“You asked me what the difference was in what I did tonight and what you said but you never let me tell you.”
“Go ahead.”
“I plan to.”
“Figured as much.” Spike sighed, stepping back and fishing around in his coat for a cigarette. Xander watched as he lit it, snapping the lighter shut and tossing it back into his pocket. “What? If I can’t have a good shag right now, I might as well have a smoke.”
“This is serious, Spike. I want you to really listen to me instead of acting like you are but in reality, thinking about what you could stick in my mouth to get me to shut up so we can get to the good stuff.“ Spike arched an eyebrow at him. “You know what I mean.”
“I certainly do.”
“Stop that! I’m really, really serious and you’re making jokes!”
“Now you see what I go through.” Xander opened his mouth, realized that Spike was right and shut it again. After careful consideration, Xander started again.
“You’re right. I do ‘jokey, rhymy’ my way through life as Willow puts it but this time I’m being dead serious…..no pun intended.” Xander quickly added, before Spike could interrupt. Spike took a puff off his cigarette, noticing the tension in his lover’s body. He straightened up and suspiciously eyed Xander.
“What’s going in that mind of yours?”
“Like I said….the difference thing.” Xander waved his arm. “See, I was fighting to save people’s lives. It wasn’t like I was just playing chicken in a car for the thrill of it or anything like that. Contrary to what you think, I do value life. It’s nothing to just throw away. And that’s what you’d be doing if you did what you threatened to do. Suicide is taking the easy way out. If you really love someone and they die you honor their memory by doing the hard thing and getting on with your life. You don’t just…”
“Oh, shut it with the honor shit.” Spike took one last puff off his cigarette before throwing it to the side.
“Excuse me?”
“I am not gonna stand here wasting good shagging time by listening to you go on and on about what I should do if something happens to you. Isn’t up to you. Besides, If you’re dead, you won’t know what happens to me.”
"How could you even act like this. Don’t you know what it would do to Angel if you just fried yourself like an egg on his sidewalk? Or what about our friends?”
“Your friends, luv. I doubt the slayer or the watcher would miss me that much.”
“Buffy likes you more than she lets on and Giles respects you.” Xander defended his friends. “But the person I was really talking about was Willow. You know she’s grown attached to you.”
“Red is a bit of all right.” Spike smiled, knowing he had a soft spot for the girl. “Which brings me to why I can act any way I want. The big speech about honor and moving on after someone dies, trying to make me feel guilty for saying what I did, it’s all bollocks.”
“Huh?” Xander had no idea what Spike was going on about.
“Remember the first night you stayed at Angel’s….the talk we three had. I recall a certain person saying that if they loved someone with all their heart and soul they wouldn’t want to live without them. How if they lost Red their heart would be ripped out….”
“Okay, okay! Damn vampire memory!” Xander was frustrated now. Spike wrapped his arms around his boy again, smiling at him.
“You seem to love my vampire memory when we’re in bed. How I remember all the special spots that make you cry out. Like when I bite your calf right about here,” Spike touched the inside of Xander’s leg, making him groan, “or how you have that sensitive spot right here behind your ears,” Spike nibbled on the spot, making Xander jump.
“God, Spike.”
“Hate that vampire memory now?” Spike continued nibbling and Xander was just about to melt when he remembered what they were talking about.
“Spike, we really need to talk about Willow.”
“I said she was a bit of all right, Xander. Didn’t mean I wanted her in our bed.”
“No, that’s not….”
“Talk later, Xander, promise. Right now, I want to take you back to the mansion and make love to you the way I did the very first time. Do you remember?”
“I may not have vampire memory but I’ll never forget it. A warm fire burning in the fireplace, candles lit all over the room, chocolate lube, romantic music and alcoholic beverages…..” Xander had been groaning out the words as Spike continued placing gentle kisses on his neck and face, his hands threading through Xander’s hair, but now he burst out laughing. A confused Spike pulled back, staring at him as if he were crazy until he realized where Xander had stopped.
“All the work I did and you still remember how I couldn’t get the stupid music right.”
“Spike, no. I mean, well, yeah, that was kinda funny too but I was thinking about my screw up.” Spike cocked his head and thought.
“The beer bottle.”
“Yeah. I thought I could be as cool as you and tried to impress you by throwing the bottle without looking like you did but we both recall how that worked out.”
“No one is as cool as me, luv. And you didn’t have to try to impress me. Already had.” Spike brushed his lips across Xander’s, both of them groaning into each other’s mouths. “Home now, luv.”
“I don’t think I can wait till we get there, Spike.” Xander began his own assault on Spike’s neck and the vampire grew desperate. He glanced around, realizing they were in the park. Spike, being a vampire, could have sex anywhere but he was worried about Xander’s comfort. His eyes fell on just the right thing and he began to smile. There was only one thing left to do before he and his boy could have fun.
“Angel, you best take your girl and leave unless you want to see a show! I know you’ve been listening so you know I’m not just yanking your chain but if you don’t leave in about 30 seconds you’re gonna see me yanking…..”
“Shut up, Spike! We’re leaving!” Buffy’s voice came back. “But I’m warning you, if you hurt Xander…”
“Last thing on my mind, slayer. That is unless he begs me to.”
“You are so crude!” Buffy yelled back as she and Angel began to leave the park. He was becoming lost in his boy, but he had to smile when he heard Buffy complaining to Angel. “I can’t believe he’s corrupting my friend like this. Making out in the park for God’s sake. It’s….it’s kinda pervy, don’t you think?”
“No worse than us making out during patrol in the cemetery.”
“Yes, it is.”
“Why? Because they can….”
“No. Because of the kid factor. You know….parks equals kids.”
“There aren’t any children around at this time of night.”
“Maybe not, but tomorrow there will be kids in the same park where they….you know. What if they do it on a picnic table and then some poor family will be eating where….eeew. Or the teeter totter?”
“I don’t think they’ll go there. Too many ups and downs.” Buffy giggled.
“Angel, you’re really honing that sense of humor thing.”
“Thanks for noticing.” Their voices faded out of range as Xander’s was heard.
“Spike, what are you laughing about?”
“Huh?”
“You know, it doesn’t make a guy feel very good when he’s trying to get his boyfriend worked up and all he can do is laugh.”
“I’m sorry, luv. Wasn’t you. Something Angel said.” Xander looked confused. “Could hear him and the slayer talking. He’s actually getting a sense of humor.”
“Yeah, I’ve noticed. What did he say?”
“Tell you later.” Spike began making his way to the picnic table, backing Xander up as he went. They were kissing passionately when Xander suddenly stopped.
“Wait, wait, wait.”
“What, what, what?” Spike was frustrated now.
“If you heard Angel talking to Buffy then that means he heard everything we said?”
“Yeah, so?”
“Aren’t you embarrassed?”
“Why should we be, luv? It’s not like he hasn’t been living with us for the past few months.”
“You got a point.” Xander and Spike began kissing again, each of them working to undo the other ones pants before Xander stopped them again.
“What is it now, pet?”
“Not on the picnic table, Spike. People eat there.”
“Yeah, was planning on it.”
“You know what I mean.” Spike glanced around, his eyes falling on the merry go round. He turned to Xander who shook his head. “Why not?”
“Stop and think, Spike. If we get into this like I’m pretty damn sure I want to, that thing will be twirling at a hundred miles an hour. Now you might can take the chance of getting hurled into space but I’m mortal so…..”
“Won’t be spinning. It’ll be rocking.”
“Still not taking the chance.”
“Then where the bloody hell….”
“Under the table okay with you?” Xander pointed at the grass. “That is, if you don’t mind taking the chance that there might be old gum under the table or stale food on the grass or….” Spike kissed Xander, gently but firmly pushing him under the table. After a few minutes, he raised up, pulling Xander’s shirt off and tossing it to the side before doing the same to his.
“I’m a vampire, luv. I can make love on top of, under, against anything, anywhere, anytime.”
“Don’t doubt it for a minute.” Xander was kicking out of his shoes while Spike did the same. Next went the jeans, followed by a sigh. “What’s with the pout?”
“Thought I broke you from wearing boxers.”
“No way. Too uncomfortable going commando.” Xander yelped as Spike tore the boxers away from his body. “Hey! Those were my Superman boxers!”
“Fuck Superman.” Xander looked up at Spike’s body, appearing to glow in the moonlight and he bit his lip in anticipation.
“No, fuck me.” Spike growled, leaning forward, hands caressing Xander’s body as he kissed him.
“What did I tell you, Xander. We don’t fuck. We make love.” Spike nibbled his way down to Xander’s chest, a growl escaping when he saw the hickey.
“Spike, I’m so….”
“Not your fault. And I’m not going to let it distract me. Faith’s done enough damage tonight.” Spike swore, kissing Xander again. “I’m gonna cover it with one of my own.” Spike leaned down, setting teeth into motion, nibbling and sucking in the very same spot. He hated the taste of Faith, so he concentrated on Xander’s own scent and taste. Xander moaned and held Spike’s head close.
“God, it feels so good, Spike. Love you so much, Spike. Make it….make me yours, Spike.” Xander made sure to repeat Spike’s name so that he wouldn’t get the idea that Xander was thinking of anyone else. As if Xander could. When Spike had left a much larger, darker hickey over the one Faith had, he looked up at Xander, grinning.
“Done and done. And now I’m going to make love to you. We don’t just fuck, remember?” Spike pulled a tube out of his pocket and squeezed the lube onto his fingers, gently but impatiently inserting two fingers. Xander bucked up, moaning in pleasure.
“Oh, we do fuck sometimes, Spike. Remember the time we both fell off the bed? Or when you broke the nightstand corner by gripping it too hard. Or……”
“Okay, we may fuck like animals but it’s still making love. It’s our ’in a hurry, can’t wait to get inside you because I love you so much’ form of making love.”
“Better watch out, Spike. Oh, God.” Xander groaned again as Spike added the other two fingers. “You’re beginning to speak like me even in bed.”
“Frightening thought.” Spike put some lube on his cock and threw the tube to the side. He had gotten too much on his hands and he looked around for something but all their clothes were too far away. He tried to run his hand through the grass to wipe it off and while it did work, some of the dirt and grass stuck to his hand. “Bloody fucking hell. Can’t get this shit off.” Spike was shaking his hand and growling while Xander watched, wanting Spike inside of him but not being able to keep from laughing at the vampire’s predicament.
“Don’t worry about it, Spike. A little dirt and grass never hurt anything. I want you in me, like hours ago.” Spike watched as Xander parted his legs wider, holding his arms out to him. God, he loved this man and thinking about how close he had come to making the biggest mistake of his life spurred Spike on. He pounced on Xander, quickly lining his cock to Xander’s hole. He pushed inside in one firm stroke and then settled, letting Xander get used to him. In the meantime, he leaned in for another kiss, running his hands through Xander’s hair like he always did, not thinking about the lube, dirt or grass.
“Please, Spike, move.” Xander gasped as Spike began to move slowly at first, finding his sweet spot and teasing him to the point of breaking. “You’re killing me here, Spike. Faster, please. Show me how much you love me. Show you me you own me. Show me I’m yours.” Those words went straight to Spike’s cock and he proceeded to speed up, his hands and Xander’s seeming to be everywhere at the same time as they took their fill of each other, neither one seeming to be able to get enough. After a while, Spike felt the tension rising in Xander’s body and knew he was going to cum. He placed one hand on Xander’s cock and began to stroke it in time to his thrusts. Seconds later, Xander was screaming his name as he came, pushing Spike over the brink. When their orgasms had passed, Spike lay on top of Xander, the boy holding him in his arms while kissing his head. After a few moments, Spike rolled to the side, taking Xander with him, his half hard cock still inside the boy. He took his first good look at Xander since they had begun their lovemaking and had to laugh. Xander’s hair was a mess, most of it wet with lube from where Spike had run his fingers through it. There were pieces of grass stuck here and there like ornaments on a tree.
“What’s so funny?”
“You’re hair.” Xander picked up a piece close to his face, smelled the lube and licked it. “Mmm, at least it’s the chocolate kind.” Spike’s laughter stopped as he watched Xander lick the lube out of his hair.
“Oh, fuck, do you know how sexy you are right now?”
“Yeah, real sexy what with grass in my hair, which is all over my head and filled with chocolate lube.”
“I wouldn’t have thought it was possible either luv, but when you’re laying there, sucking on that chcolate lube, your eyes closed…..come here.” Spike pulled him in for another kiss and soon they were on their way to round two. It was several hours before they finally gathered up their clothes, cleaned themselves up and made their way home. Only the threat of the morning sun had made them leave their little love nest under the picnic table. They made it home to the mansion just before the first glimmers of sun made their way into the sky. Angel was waiting on them, pacing back and forth.
“Spike, cutting it a little close aren’t you.” Before Spike could answer, he looked at Xander. “And what the hell happened to you, Xander?”
“Chocolate lube, grass, gotta shower.” Xander headed for the bedroom door, hardly able to make it since he was so spent and sated. He turned and threw the Spiderman boxers at Spike. “And you owe me for another pair.”
“Sod that.” Spike pitched them into the garbage.
“Another pair or so help me your total disregard for Spiderman, your abuse of him will not go unpunished.” Xander warned, entering the bathroom and shutting the door.
“What’s wrong with him?”
“Shagged him senseless. Oh, and he took offense to me ripping his boxers. Don't worry. He'll forget all about it by tomorrow. If not, I'll just have to shag him senseless again." Spike raised his eyebrows and leered at Angel. “Gonna go help him take a shower. Make sure he doesn’t fall and drown in the soddin’ tub. And don’t wake the boy for school today because he’s sleeping in.”
“Then you need to call the school and tell them why he isn’t going to be there.”
“Fine. I’ll just tell him that I shagged him into oblivion, plan on doing it again when he wakes up and he’s gonna need a day or two to recover.” Angel grabbed the phone out of Spike’s hand, pushing him towards the bedroom.
“They’re not at school this early. I’ll call in. But I think I’ll come up with another excuse. Don’t think that having a sexual hangover is under the excused guidelines.”
“Whatever you say, mate. Ta.” Spike closed the door and Angel sat down to wait to make the call. He had to smile. At least Xander and Spike had gotten through this still intact. Angel frowned as he worried about Faith trying to come between Spike and Xander. He had a feeling that she was going to try to cause trouble for them. Angel and Buffy had talked about it last night when they had returned and had deduced that she was jealous of Buffy having a vampire to love and wanted one of her own. Naturally, she had set her sights on Spike and would not be happy until she got him, regardless of Xander’s feelings. Buffy and Angel had decided not to say anything unless Faith brought it up. Not because they didn’t want revenge for what she’d done to Xander because they did. However, they felt that’s exactly the reaction Faith was hoping to get so they were going to act as if nothing bad had happened. Angel had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach that Faith was not only hoping to break up Xander and Spike but he and Buffy as well. She knew that if Xander and Spike split up because of what happened, he and Buffy would be at each other’s throats, which is exactly what happened, each taking up for the one close to them. Angel knew Faith was jealous of Buffy and he was worried about them all. He vowed to himself that he wouldn't let Faith hurt any of them as he laid his head back on the cushions and sighed, deciding to worry later. For now the crisis was over.
TBC
Author: Xandercordy1
Pairing: X/S
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Feedback: Yes, please
Summary: This is the rest of the confrontation between Spike and Xander. Stupid LJ cut me off so I had to halve this chapter.
Previous parts can be found Here
“Hey, stop it.“ Xander pulled himself away from Angel and Spike with Buffy’s help. “You can’t tell me where I can stay and where I can’t. You told me to be gone from the mansion by the time you got back,” Xander pointed at Spike before whirling around, pointing his finger in Angel’s direction. “And you seconded the motion so….”
“Listen, Xander, about earlier, I apologize for jumping to conclusions, making judgments and….”
“Hurting my feelings?“ Xander interrupted.
“And taking up for Spike?” Buffy added.
“I‘m not apologizing for taking up for Spike. He‘s family. But I should have tried to stay more neutral and waited for Spike to come home so you two could talk.”
“You took up for me?” Spike turned to Angel with a grin on his face.
“Like I said, you are family, Spike.” Spike couldn’t believe how much those words warmed his heart. That is until Xander’s words sunk in. “You actually kicked my boy out of the house!” Amber eyes glared at a stunned Angel.
“No. Yes….hell, from what I heard you’d already done that yourself. So, I thought if you didn’t want him there…..”
“No one has a right to throw him out of the house but me, Angel.”
“Which you did at the library.” Xander interceded. “And don’t be so pissy with Angel when he was just doing what he felt was best. You two have been together for centuries so naturally your friendship is going to mean more than mine.”
“Angel bloody well knows how I am when I’m all worked up. Saying things I don’t mean because I’m hurt or angry. He should have kept you safely at home until I returned and then asked me what I wanted to do instead of just tossing you out the door.“
“He didn’t physically toss me out the door.”
“Who the fuck do I look like to you? Kreskin? Is there no pleasing you?” Angel was pissed at Spike now.
“Evidently I did for a while but now Spike’s tired of my yammering and he doesn’t want to see my face anymore so I’d appreciate it if you would both quit following me.” Xander turned and pointed at Angel and Spike. “Buffy’s the only one I feel like talking to right now.”
“And I’m taking him to my house.” Buffy looked at the others before she and Xander began walking away. “Spike actually told you that he didn‘t want to see you anymore?” Xander nodded sadly and Buffy‘s hand tightened around the stake she was holding.
“I had to. The boy came into the bar acting all macho and trying to boss me around.” Spike’s voice came from behind them and they turned to face Angel and Spike.
“Your point being?”
“We were in a room full of demons. Demons who would use Xander against me if they knew how much he means to me. I couldn’t let that happen.”
“Who are you trying to kid, Spike? You were just worried about your reputation.” Xander began walking, the others following.
“Well, yeah that too.”
“And I’m fairly certain I said I didn’t want anyone around but Buffy.”
“Xander, what the hell were you thinking going to those demon bars without waiting on me?“
“I wanted to find Spike and I didn’t want to wait around all night while you and Angel kept arguing about who was right and who was wrong. Hell, if I can take out Jack O’Toole, his three zombie buddies and diffuse a bomb, I can certainly handle going into demon bars alone. Besides, with Spike’s scent on me, most of them leave me alone.”
“Hold up. Did you just say you fought a bully, three zombies and diffused a bomb?” Buffy couldn’t believe her ears.
“That’s right, Slayer. Oh, by the way, Jack O’Toole won’t be in school anymore.”
“Hey, Spike, you really are a poet.” Xander grinned, Spike returning it until they remembered they were pissed at each other. “You’re supposed to be going away now.”
“Tell me you didn’t kill a human, Spike.”
“Relax, Slayer. He was a zombie. Oz got out of his hideaway and ate him.”
“Gross. And good….about you not killing anyone human because we all know where that would lead.”
“Yeah, you’d have to try and stake me good and proper and then I’d have to make you my third….”
“I could take you, Spike. There’d be no trying to it.”
“Want to put a wager on it.”
“Shut up!” Xander yelled, making both of them jump. Even though they were being serious, they knew it would never come to a fight between them. At least they hoped not. They loved Xander and Angel too much to cause them any heartache.
“Xander, it’s okay.”
“No, it’s really not! It’s my worst nightmare! You think I haven’t thought about it before?”
“I know you have, Xander. You said so earlier….”
“Not just tonight, Buff. Lots of nights, lots of times.”
“But why would you? I promised you I wouldn't kill any humans and I keep my promises.”
Spike was offended.
“I know that. It's just...I’m a Harris. And for the first time in my life everything was going great….until tonight. And that‘s not supposed to happen. Harris‘ don‘t get a happily ever after. I thought maybe I could break the cycle. That just once….but it’s never going to happen. I screwed up like I always do, only not, you know? It wasn’t my fault but I made the wrong choice because I didn’t want to lose anyone that I loved. And the irony of it all is that I ended up hurting and chasing down the one person I love more than anyone in my life only to have him tell me he doesn’t want me anymore. I lost in the end, anyway.” Xander tried to walk in the other direction but Spike grabbed his arm.
“Don’t walk away from me. Stay.“
“Why? So we can say more mean and hurtful things to each other? Make each other more miserable?”
“No, so we can clear this up. I never went to Faith’s tonight. I couldn’t. And as far as there being anything going on in the bars there wasn’t.” Xander snorted. “Okay, a little flirting but as mad and as hurt as I was, I couldn’t betray you.”
“And I didn’t betray you.” Xander took a deep breath and looked into Spike’s eyes. “I have to tell you the truth because I see now that even a little ommission, even if it’s because I’m trying to keep things from getting out of hand, is a lie. It only comes back to bite you on the ass in a big way.” Angel looked around, noticing they had made it as far as the edge of the park. It was empty.
“Maybe we should let you two talk in private.”
“No, Angel, I’m thinking we need you here.” Xander said and Spike stared at him in confusion.
“Why would we need them to sort this out?”
“Because you’re not going to like what you hear, Spike. But you have to promise me that you’ll listen all the way through before you move from this spot.” Spike was wary but nodded, and Xander told him the whole truth. Spike stood still, clenching and unclenching his fists, his jaw twitching in anger, as he tried to control himself long enough to hear everything that had happened. The bitch was going to pay.
“Why did you cover for Faith, Xander? Does she mean more to you than our relationship?”
“Of course not! Don’t you get it?" Spike shook his head. "I don’t want to see the man I love and one of my best friends fight to the death over a bitch like her and that’s what will happen if you kill Faith!“
“Don’t you care about what she did to Xander?” Spike turned on Buffy.
“Of course I care! You think I don’t want to go over there and beat her to within an inch of her life for what she did to him?”
“Good, let’s go then.” Spike started forward but Xander and Angel stopped him.
“Buffy said she wanted to. Didn’t say she would.” Angel told him.
“Because Faith is human?” Spike scoffed.
“Exactly.”
“If you ask me half the people you white hats fight to save are worse than most of the demons you slay.”
“Maybe so, but we’ve sworn to protect humans. It may not always be pretty but it’s what we do.”
“Don’t give me that, you poof. You may fool yourself and the slayer with your grand speeches about doing good, but when all is said and done you’re still a vampire with vampire instincts. You know if Faith did anything to the Slayer, you would rip her heart out and dance on her grave.“ Spike stepped up, staring Angel down, daring him to deny it.
“Angel?”
“Buffy, Spike’s right. If Faith were to hurt you in any way, I would feel the same way Spike is feeling right now.”
“But you have a soul.”
“Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t kill anyone who tried to harm you.”
“Glad we have that settled then.” .
“Nothing’s settled.” Spike looked at Xander in surprise. “If Faith had killed me tonight, I could understand the wanting to get revenge and my ghost self would be cheering you on. But here I am, alive and in the flesh.” Xander gestured at himself. “Sure, I was humiliated because I was stupid enough to fall for her ’help me out’ line and for almost getting….”
“Raped?!” Spike shouted.
“If you want to put it that way, Mr. Technical.”
“And how would you put it?”
“I’ve seen Faith after fights. She’s like a wild thing. She told us when we first met her that slaying always made her hungry and horny, remember Buffy?”
“Yeah, she did Xan but that’s no excuse for what she did.”
“I’m not making excuses for her, Buff. Faith should have taken no for an answer, but I think she was just worked up and couldn’t believe that anyone would turn her down. Spike, you yourself said she propositioned you in the library after the fight with the Hellmouth beast. I think that’s just her M.O. Fight and fuck, repeat as needed with whoever’s closest, regardless of the consequences.”
“She needs to learn the consequences of touching what is mine.” Spike growled.
“I know that but couldn‘t you wait until you‘ve calmed down and then give her a stern warning.”
“I doubt if I’ll ever calm down and vampires don’t give stern warnings. They take revenge.”
“Spike, is getting revenge worth more than our relationship?“ Xander’s voice stopped Spike and he turned around, walking back over to his lover.
“Don’t throw my own words back at me, Xander.”
“Why not? Do you think you’re the only one worried about our relationship?”
“No, it just pisses me off.” Spike gave Xander a wan smile and tentatively reached out for Xander who pulled away. “I’m so sorry for being such a wanker, luv. It’s just…I love you so much. More than I ever loved Dru or An..yone else.” Spike cast an eye at Buffy, but luckily she hadn’t caught the slip or hadn’t heard. Angel had though and he lowered his head in shame, knowing that Xander had been right about Spike’s trust issues being partly his fault.
“That’s not true.”
“It bloody well is!”
“Like I told Angel earlier, you never left Drusilla even though she fucked everything that walked! You loved her so much that you followed her all over the place begging for her to take you back! You were even crazy enough to try a damn love spell on her just to get her back! But me…..it took you all of five minutes to throw me out of your life and walk away. And then even after I realize that my love for you is greater than my pride I find you in a bar with a girl vampire who just so happened to look a little like Dru! And still I love you so much I try to get you to listen to me only to have you say all those mean things to me and tell me to leave again! And now that you’ve finally figured out that I didn’t have sex with Faith you’re ready to get all lovey-dovey?”
“Lovey huh?”
“Kiss and make up! Act like nothing happened! Do you just expect me to forget everything and fall back into your arms?!”
“Yes?”
“Oh, that’s right I forgot. You think humans are sluts.”
“Hey!” Buffy yelled but they both ignored her, Xander still ranting.
“That as long as you’ve got my legs in the air and you’re pounding me into the mattress…..”
“That’s our cue to leave.” Buffy grabbed Angel’s hand and dragged him away.
“But what if…..”
“They’re big boys. Besides, we’ll be over here close enough to watch what happens but far enough away not to hear anything.”
“Speak for yourself.”
“I am.”
“And you said you hated me, Xander. Did you mean that?” Spike’s quiet words stopped Xander, neither of them noticing Buffy and Angel’s exit.
“I hate how much you can hurt me with just a few words.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
“No, I don’t hate you.”
“And I don’t love Drusilla more than you.” Xander tried to turn away but Spike caught his chin, turning his face back so they were looking into each others eyes. “I love Dru because she’s my sire and that’s all. I’ve never loved anyone like I love you.”
“If that’s true then why didn’t you give me the same…..”
“Because our love is not the same as what Dru and I shared. We had a sire/childe love. A bond that can never be broken because she was the one that gave me immortality. William the human was a poncy, virgin poet. Drusilla turned me into the confident, sexy vampire that you see before you.” That got a smile out of Xander and Spike felt a little relief. Maybe he hadn’t totally destroyed their relationship. It had never occurred to Spike that Xander would compare how Spike treated him to how Spike treated Dru. He had to make Xander understand. “Xander, the reason I forgave Dru and chased after her even after all the things she had done to me was because of the bond. I was with her for almost a century. Taking care of her, having wild, passionate sex, bending to her every whim and desire no matter how jealous I was of her flirting and her trysts. Got used to it after a while. I thought that’s what love was….how it was meant to be.”
“Not helping yourself by talking about the wild, passionate sex.” Xander tried to move away, but Spike wrapped his arms around the boy.
“Quit squirming and listen to me. Really listen.” Xander stopped and looked at Spike again. “That’s all it was. Just sex. I didn’t realize that until after I met you, fell in love with you and took you to bed for the first time. Do you remember what it was like?” Spike whispered into Xander’s ear and the boy shuddered with lust.
“How could I forget? I had and still have nothing to compare it to, but I would bet my life if I were to have sex with everyone on this planet, no one could compare to you.“
“Got that right. And if I have my way, you’ll never have anything to compare it with.” Spike leaned back till he was staring into Xander’s eyes. “That’s part of why your supposed betrayal was so much worse than anything Dru had ever done to me.”
“Because I was a virgin when we got together?”
“Yes, I’m the only one who has ever been inside of you. Yes, I’m the only one you’ve ever been inside of….that’s a plus. But that’s not why. That first night,” Spike cleared his throat and Xander could see the tears glistening in his blue eyes, “you looked at me with such an expression of trust, love and loyalty that if I hadn’t already been in love with you, I would have fallen for you then. I looked into your eyes as I sank into your warmth for the first time and all I saw was love and lust for me. That’s why I came so quickly, you remember?”
“I remember.” Xander smiled, recalling how embarrassed Spike had seemed at the time. “If vampires could blush you would have been beet red.”
“I had never lost control like that before with anyone ever. And that’s saying a lot considering how long I’ve been around and how many people I’ve….”
“You were making me feel much better up until this point.” Xander tried to look down but Spike grabbed his chin, holding his gaze.
“Just proving a point, luv.”
“And what’s that? That you‘re very, very experienced and I‘m very, very not.”
“That when I admit how much I love you, when I bring up an embarrassing moment for me, you have to realize how special you are. Xander, it may have been your first time luv, but you took me to places no one, not even the most experienced of lovers, has taken me to before. Dru and the others, they never gave themselves to me completely, but you did. They never looked at me that way. Like I was the most special person in the world. You made me feel safe.”
“Safe?”
“I looked down at you, giving me not only your body but your soul and heart as well and I knew……I just knew that I could give you my heart and you would take care of it. That you would never stomp on it or toss it away. That you would never treat me the way the others had.” Xander let out a tiny gasp, realizing.
“That’s why you had such a hard time listening or forgiving me tonight. Not because you loved Dru more than me but because it was easier to forgive Dru because you were used to her hurting you. And you had trusted me more than you did her so…..”
“Exactly. Xander, you’re the only one I’ve ever been able to trust. And I know I can be a jealous, possessive arsewipe……”
“You’re a vampire.”
“The jealousy thing isn’t just about me being a vampire, pet. It’s about not wanting anyone to ever have what I have with you. I swear, Xander, if I lost you I think I’d take a walk in the sun.” Xander stared at Spike, saw the truth in his expression and slugged him on the shoulder. “Ow! That’s what I get for being honest with you? For letting you know how much you mean to me? Pouring out my heart like a ponce?”
“If I mean that much to you then don’t ever talk about throwing your unlife away do you hear me?” Xander was pacing now and didn’t notice the angry expression on Spike’s face.
“So you don’t like me talking about my second death, eh? Want me to take care of myself so nothing will ever happen to me is that it?”
“Of course I do, you doofus!”
“Just like you thought about your life earlier tonight when you were faced with that bomb?”
“That’s not the same thing, Spike.” Xander stopped pacing to stare at his lover.
“Innit it?” Spike stared back at him. “Dead is dead, whether it’s me turning to dust in the sun or you being blown to bloody bits all over the school walls.”
“Actually, I think the walls would have been gone as well….uh, cause it was a pretty big bomb.” Xander started out trying to tease but when Spike growled, he stuttered. “Geez, I thought we had this conversation back in the library. And we were talking about you now, not me.”
“I told you there was going to be a conversation. I don’t like the fact that you’ve resigned yourself to the fact that you’re going to die an early death. Makes me feel like one of these nights you’re just going to give up or throw yourself into a dangerous situation for home, hearth and the slayer, never caring what your death will mean to anyone else. I know you didn’t have a great home life but I thought after we got together you would at least be careful for me!”
“I haven’t resigned myself to anything.”
“Not what you said earlier.”
“I said I had come to terms with the fact that my helping Buffy and fighting the good fight might lead to an earlier death than most that’s all.”
“Resigning yourself to something means coming to terms with something, Xander.”
“Oh. Okay, but just because I know how dangerous it is that doesn’t mean that I don’t care what would happen to you or my friends if I died!”
“Then maybe you should try showing it!” Spike yelled back. “I saw you in that basement, Xander. I saw the ‘what the hell look’ and the smile on your face when that wanker said you’d die too! I heard you say ’you like the quiet’. If that wasn’t giving up your life for…”
“It was called bluffing, Spike!”
“Bluffing? You call that bluffing? Make a hell of a poker player, you would.”
“You once told me that I know how to read people. And I guess in a way I do. I knew that Jack would wimp out if it came to him losing his own life too. See, bullies, people who go around acting all badass and bragging about how they’re not afraid of anything are either very stupid, very psychotic or underneath they’re just chicken shits that like to mess with people they think can be intimidated so they can feel good about themselves. I know what I’m talking about since I lived with a very stupid, chicken shit father for a very long time. In Jack’s case he was all of the above.”
“Hold up a mo. You’ve told me that I go around acting all badass and bragging about how I’m not afraid of anything.”
“You do.” Xander smiled as Spike walked over, putting his arms around the boy.
“So which category do I fall into? Stupidity, being psychotic or a chicken shit?”
“Well, before I really knew you I thought you were psychotic but now I know that you’re unique. You’re one of the very few who can actually call themselves a badass and not be lying. The only thing you’re lying about is the part where you’re not afraid of anything. You’re afraid of being alone, aren’t you?”
“Not just being alone, Xander. Being without you.“ Spike leaned in and tentatively brushed his lips against Xander’s. “So is it time to go home and have a good, long shag? All is forgiven, yeah?” Spike was surprised when Xander leaned back and shook his head. “What do you mean no?”
“You asked me what the difference was in what I did tonight and what you said but you never let me tell you.”
“Go ahead.”
“I plan to.”
“Figured as much.” Spike sighed, stepping back and fishing around in his coat for a cigarette. Xander watched as he lit it, snapping the lighter shut and tossing it back into his pocket. “What? If I can’t have a good shag right now, I might as well have a smoke.”
“This is serious, Spike. I want you to really listen to me instead of acting like you are but in reality, thinking about what you could stick in my mouth to get me to shut up so we can get to the good stuff.“ Spike arched an eyebrow at him. “You know what I mean.”
“I certainly do.”
“Stop that! I’m really, really serious and you’re making jokes!”
“Now you see what I go through.” Xander opened his mouth, realized that Spike was right and shut it again. After careful consideration, Xander started again.
“You’re right. I do ‘jokey, rhymy’ my way through life as Willow puts it but this time I’m being dead serious…..no pun intended.” Xander quickly added, before Spike could interrupt. Spike took a puff off his cigarette, noticing the tension in his lover’s body. He straightened up and suspiciously eyed Xander.
“What’s going in that mind of yours?”
“Like I said….the difference thing.” Xander waved his arm. “See, I was fighting to save people’s lives. It wasn’t like I was just playing chicken in a car for the thrill of it or anything like that. Contrary to what you think, I do value life. It’s nothing to just throw away. And that’s what you’d be doing if you did what you threatened to do. Suicide is taking the easy way out. If you really love someone and they die you honor their memory by doing the hard thing and getting on with your life. You don’t just…”
“Oh, shut it with the honor shit.” Spike took one last puff off his cigarette before throwing it to the side.
“Excuse me?”
“I am not gonna stand here wasting good shagging time by listening to you go on and on about what I should do if something happens to you. Isn’t up to you. Besides, If you’re dead, you won’t know what happens to me.”
"How could you even act like this. Don’t you know what it would do to Angel if you just fried yourself like an egg on his sidewalk? Or what about our friends?”
“Your friends, luv. I doubt the slayer or the watcher would miss me that much.”
“Buffy likes you more than she lets on and Giles respects you.” Xander defended his friends. “But the person I was really talking about was Willow. You know she’s grown attached to you.”
“Red is a bit of all right.” Spike smiled, knowing he had a soft spot for the girl. “Which brings me to why I can act any way I want. The big speech about honor and moving on after someone dies, trying to make me feel guilty for saying what I did, it’s all bollocks.”
“Huh?” Xander had no idea what Spike was going on about.
“Remember the first night you stayed at Angel’s….the talk we three had. I recall a certain person saying that if they loved someone with all their heart and soul they wouldn’t want to live without them. How if they lost Red their heart would be ripped out….”
“Okay, okay! Damn vampire memory!” Xander was frustrated now. Spike wrapped his arms around his boy again, smiling at him.
“You seem to love my vampire memory when we’re in bed. How I remember all the special spots that make you cry out. Like when I bite your calf right about here,” Spike touched the inside of Xander’s leg, making him groan, “or how you have that sensitive spot right here behind your ears,” Spike nibbled on the spot, making Xander jump.
“God, Spike.”
“Hate that vampire memory now?” Spike continued nibbling and Xander was just about to melt when he remembered what they were talking about.
“Spike, we really need to talk about Willow.”
“I said she was a bit of all right, Xander. Didn’t mean I wanted her in our bed.”
“No, that’s not….”
“Talk later, Xander, promise. Right now, I want to take you back to the mansion and make love to you the way I did the very first time. Do you remember?”
“I may not have vampire memory but I’ll never forget it. A warm fire burning in the fireplace, candles lit all over the room, chocolate lube, romantic music and alcoholic beverages…..” Xander had been groaning out the words as Spike continued placing gentle kisses on his neck and face, his hands threading through Xander’s hair, but now he burst out laughing. A confused Spike pulled back, staring at him as if he were crazy until he realized where Xander had stopped.
“All the work I did and you still remember how I couldn’t get the stupid music right.”
“Spike, no. I mean, well, yeah, that was kinda funny too but I was thinking about my screw up.” Spike cocked his head and thought.
“The beer bottle.”
“Yeah. I thought I could be as cool as you and tried to impress you by throwing the bottle without looking like you did but we both recall how that worked out.”
“No one is as cool as me, luv. And you didn’t have to try to impress me. Already had.” Spike brushed his lips across Xander’s, both of them groaning into each other’s mouths. “Home now, luv.”
“I don’t think I can wait till we get there, Spike.” Xander began his own assault on Spike’s neck and the vampire grew desperate. He glanced around, realizing they were in the park. Spike, being a vampire, could have sex anywhere but he was worried about Xander’s comfort. His eyes fell on just the right thing and he began to smile. There was only one thing left to do before he and his boy could have fun.
“Angel, you best take your girl and leave unless you want to see a show! I know you’ve been listening so you know I’m not just yanking your chain but if you don’t leave in about 30 seconds you’re gonna see me yanking…..”
“Shut up, Spike! We’re leaving!” Buffy’s voice came back. “But I’m warning you, if you hurt Xander…”
“Last thing on my mind, slayer. That is unless he begs me to.”
“You are so crude!” Buffy yelled back as she and Angel began to leave the park. He was becoming lost in his boy, but he had to smile when he heard Buffy complaining to Angel. “I can’t believe he’s corrupting my friend like this. Making out in the park for God’s sake. It’s….it’s kinda pervy, don’t you think?”
“No worse than us making out during patrol in the cemetery.”
“Yes, it is.”
“Why? Because they can….”
“No. Because of the kid factor. You know….parks equals kids.”
“There aren’t any children around at this time of night.”
“Maybe not, but tomorrow there will be kids in the same park where they….you know. What if they do it on a picnic table and then some poor family will be eating where….eeew. Or the teeter totter?”
“I don’t think they’ll go there. Too many ups and downs.” Buffy giggled.
“Angel, you’re really honing that sense of humor thing.”
“Thanks for noticing.” Their voices faded out of range as Xander’s was heard.
“Spike, what are you laughing about?”
“Huh?”
“You know, it doesn’t make a guy feel very good when he’s trying to get his boyfriend worked up and all he can do is laugh.”
“I’m sorry, luv. Wasn’t you. Something Angel said.” Xander looked confused. “Could hear him and the slayer talking. He’s actually getting a sense of humor.”
“Yeah, I’ve noticed. What did he say?”
“Tell you later.” Spike began making his way to the picnic table, backing Xander up as he went. They were kissing passionately when Xander suddenly stopped.
“Wait, wait, wait.”
“What, what, what?” Spike was frustrated now.
“If you heard Angel talking to Buffy then that means he heard everything we said?”
“Yeah, so?”
“Aren’t you embarrassed?”
“Why should we be, luv? It’s not like he hasn’t been living with us for the past few months.”
“You got a point.” Xander and Spike began kissing again, each of them working to undo the other ones pants before Xander stopped them again.
“What is it now, pet?”
“Not on the picnic table, Spike. People eat there.”
“Yeah, was planning on it.”
“You know what I mean.” Spike glanced around, his eyes falling on the merry go round. He turned to Xander who shook his head. “Why not?”
“Stop and think, Spike. If we get into this like I’m pretty damn sure I want to, that thing will be twirling at a hundred miles an hour. Now you might can take the chance of getting hurled into space but I’m mortal so…..”
“Won’t be spinning. It’ll be rocking.”
“Still not taking the chance.”
“Then where the bloody hell….”
“Under the table okay with you?” Xander pointed at the grass. “That is, if you don’t mind taking the chance that there might be old gum under the table or stale food on the grass or….” Spike kissed Xander, gently but firmly pushing him under the table. After a few minutes, he raised up, pulling Xander’s shirt off and tossing it to the side before doing the same to his.
“I’m a vampire, luv. I can make love on top of, under, against anything, anywhere, anytime.”
“Don’t doubt it for a minute.” Xander was kicking out of his shoes while Spike did the same. Next went the jeans, followed by a sigh. “What’s with the pout?”
“Thought I broke you from wearing boxers.”
“No way. Too uncomfortable going commando.” Xander yelped as Spike tore the boxers away from his body. “Hey! Those were my Superman boxers!”
“Fuck Superman.” Xander looked up at Spike’s body, appearing to glow in the moonlight and he bit his lip in anticipation.
“No, fuck me.” Spike growled, leaning forward, hands caressing Xander’s body as he kissed him.
“What did I tell you, Xander. We don’t fuck. We make love.” Spike nibbled his way down to Xander’s chest, a growl escaping when he saw the hickey.
“Spike, I’m so….”
“Not your fault. And I’m not going to let it distract me. Faith’s done enough damage tonight.” Spike swore, kissing Xander again. “I’m gonna cover it with one of my own.” Spike leaned down, setting teeth into motion, nibbling and sucking in the very same spot. He hated the taste of Faith, so he concentrated on Xander’s own scent and taste. Xander moaned and held Spike’s head close.
“God, it feels so good, Spike. Love you so much, Spike. Make it….make me yours, Spike.” Xander made sure to repeat Spike’s name so that he wouldn’t get the idea that Xander was thinking of anyone else. As if Xander could. When Spike had left a much larger, darker hickey over the one Faith had, he looked up at Xander, grinning.
“Done and done. And now I’m going to make love to you. We don’t just fuck, remember?” Spike pulled a tube out of his pocket and squeezed the lube onto his fingers, gently but impatiently inserting two fingers. Xander bucked up, moaning in pleasure.
“Oh, we do fuck sometimes, Spike. Remember the time we both fell off the bed? Or when you broke the nightstand corner by gripping it too hard. Or……”
“Okay, we may fuck like animals but it’s still making love. It’s our ’in a hurry, can’t wait to get inside you because I love you so much’ form of making love.”
“Better watch out, Spike. Oh, God.” Xander groaned again as Spike added the other two fingers. “You’re beginning to speak like me even in bed.”
“Frightening thought.” Spike put some lube on his cock and threw the tube to the side. He had gotten too much on his hands and he looked around for something but all their clothes were too far away. He tried to run his hand through the grass to wipe it off and while it did work, some of the dirt and grass stuck to his hand. “Bloody fucking hell. Can’t get this shit off.” Spike was shaking his hand and growling while Xander watched, wanting Spike inside of him but not being able to keep from laughing at the vampire’s predicament.
“Don’t worry about it, Spike. A little dirt and grass never hurt anything. I want you in me, like hours ago.” Spike watched as Xander parted his legs wider, holding his arms out to him. God, he loved this man and thinking about how close he had come to making the biggest mistake of his life spurred Spike on. He pounced on Xander, quickly lining his cock to Xander’s hole. He pushed inside in one firm stroke and then settled, letting Xander get used to him. In the meantime, he leaned in for another kiss, running his hands through Xander’s hair like he always did, not thinking about the lube, dirt or grass.
“Please, Spike, move.” Xander gasped as Spike began to move slowly at first, finding his sweet spot and teasing him to the point of breaking. “You’re killing me here, Spike. Faster, please. Show me how much you love me. Show you me you own me. Show me I’m yours.” Those words went straight to Spike’s cock and he proceeded to speed up, his hands and Xander’s seeming to be everywhere at the same time as they took their fill of each other, neither one seeming to be able to get enough. After a while, Spike felt the tension rising in Xander’s body and knew he was going to cum. He placed one hand on Xander’s cock and began to stroke it in time to his thrusts. Seconds later, Xander was screaming his name as he came, pushing Spike over the brink. When their orgasms had passed, Spike lay on top of Xander, the boy holding him in his arms while kissing his head. After a few moments, Spike rolled to the side, taking Xander with him, his half hard cock still inside the boy. He took his first good look at Xander since they had begun their lovemaking and had to laugh. Xander’s hair was a mess, most of it wet with lube from where Spike had run his fingers through it. There were pieces of grass stuck here and there like ornaments on a tree.
“What’s so funny?”
“You’re hair.” Xander picked up a piece close to his face, smelled the lube and licked it. “Mmm, at least it’s the chocolate kind.” Spike’s laughter stopped as he watched Xander lick the lube out of his hair.
“Oh, fuck, do you know how sexy you are right now?”
“Yeah, real sexy what with grass in my hair, which is all over my head and filled with chocolate lube.”
“I wouldn’t have thought it was possible either luv, but when you’re laying there, sucking on that chcolate lube, your eyes closed…..come here.” Spike pulled him in for another kiss and soon they were on their way to round two. It was several hours before they finally gathered up their clothes, cleaned themselves up and made their way home. Only the threat of the morning sun had made them leave their little love nest under the picnic table. They made it home to the mansion just before the first glimmers of sun made their way into the sky. Angel was waiting on them, pacing back and forth.
“Spike, cutting it a little close aren’t you.” Before Spike could answer, he looked at Xander. “And what the hell happened to you, Xander?”
“Chocolate lube, grass, gotta shower.” Xander headed for the bedroom door, hardly able to make it since he was so spent and sated. He turned and threw the Spiderman boxers at Spike. “And you owe me for another pair.”
“Sod that.” Spike pitched them into the garbage.
“Another pair or so help me your total disregard for Spiderman, your abuse of him will not go unpunished.” Xander warned, entering the bathroom and shutting the door.
“What’s wrong with him?”
“Shagged him senseless. Oh, and he took offense to me ripping his boxers. Don't worry. He'll forget all about it by tomorrow. If not, I'll just have to shag him senseless again." Spike raised his eyebrows and leered at Angel. “Gonna go help him take a shower. Make sure he doesn’t fall and drown in the soddin’ tub. And don’t wake the boy for school today because he’s sleeping in.”
“Then you need to call the school and tell them why he isn’t going to be there.”
“Fine. I’ll just tell him that I shagged him into oblivion, plan on doing it again when he wakes up and he’s gonna need a day or two to recover.” Angel grabbed the phone out of Spike’s hand, pushing him towards the bedroom.
“They’re not at school this early. I’ll call in. But I think I’ll come up with another excuse. Don’t think that having a sexual hangover is under the excused guidelines.”
“Whatever you say, mate. Ta.” Spike closed the door and Angel sat down to wait to make the call. He had to smile. At least Xander and Spike had gotten through this still intact. Angel frowned as he worried about Faith trying to come between Spike and Xander. He had a feeling that she was going to try to cause trouble for them. Angel and Buffy had talked about it last night when they had returned and had deduced that she was jealous of Buffy having a vampire to love and wanted one of her own. Naturally, she had set her sights on Spike and would not be happy until she got him, regardless of Xander’s feelings. Buffy and Angel had decided not to say anything unless Faith brought it up. Not because they didn’t want revenge for what she’d done to Xander because they did. However, they felt that’s exactly the reaction Faith was hoping to get so they were going to act as if nothing bad had happened. Angel had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach that Faith was not only hoping to break up Xander and Spike but he and Buffy as well. She knew that if Xander and Spike split up because of what happened, he and Buffy would be at each other’s throats, which is exactly what happened, each taking up for the one close to them. Angel knew Faith was jealous of Buffy and he was worried about them all. He vowed to himself that he wouldn't let Faith hurt any of them as he laid his head back on the cushions and sighed, deciding to worry later. For now the crisis was over.
TBC