update.

[xandelux]

its nine thirty in the morning and i slept about three hours last night on brians couch in his apartment. that whole thing is done since everything just got too complicated and he wants to teach at school and i can't date a teacher, at least not technically. its weird, making a rational decision because you know its the best one to make... i didn't think i'd become this adult, but running into the interior architecture chair yesterday morning on the train while kissing brian, i realized what had to happen. the idea that we are constantly judged here sometimes gets to me... that no one will tell you what youre doing wrong in life but make desicions about who you are based on what you do and how you do it... our personal life has nothing to do with the first year woodshop, or art and technology, or school and classes in general. but, because we want to kiss, he sarcrifices oppurtunities he's worked his whole life to be offered. thats not fair to him, and its not fair to us. so another relationship has ended... equally diplomatic as the last but a little more painful. i'm beginning to think that even casual relationships aren't really casual.

we will stay friends, life will go on, i can still wake up smiling.

ang