(no subject)
So many mixed feelings. My mind has become a massive mixing bowl, and the ingredients are my emotions. Every time the spoon goes round, every time I try to make sense of it all, it just mixes together more, each chocolate chip of my feelings becomes harder to isolate. I have an extremely important decision to make, and I have no idea what to do. No matter which path I follow, I could lose something. Logic is one of my strengths, but the thoughts I have about my choices can't be expressed in an explainable form. I'm at a loss for words. So much to say, so many ways to say it, but it just wont come out. It seems so easy for everyone else. Am I really that different? Or is something unique happening to me? I can't tell, I wish I could. I wish I could tell you all what I'm really thinking, but knowing some people, it would only ruin what choices I have. I'm not ready for that. Call me emo, weird, or messed up if you will, I won't care, but at least be honorable about it and say it to me and not to someone else who will twist it and turn it into an ugly demon that will haunt me forever. You might know what I'm thinking, and I know that you really haven't a clue. Only a few people really know how I feel, and they wouldn't have told you. By "you" I mean anyone, not a single person. The reason I feel so mixed up is because I don't really have much to offer people. My best qualities can't be shown in everyday life. That's why you wouldn't understand. That's why you would judge me before you knew. That's why its so confusing, and that's why this decision is so hard. If this entry isn't very coherent, it just proves my point. All that stuff came from my feelings, not from what I thought would sound good to you. If you don't like it, oh well, doesn't make a difference to me. I just wish some kind of answer would show its face, come out from behind the fog that clouds my mind. I'm walking blind right now, and I'm just hoping I don't walk into something I don't want to.
That is all.
That is all.