☩In high vengeance there is noble scorn☩

[magicalskeptic]

 Morgana is positively seething by the time she finds herself in the agora. Whether the anger is simply delayed as she's been the necessary nursemaid for the better part of a fortnight, or it's been slowly percolating the whole time, she would be unable to clarify. She's been purposefully keeping the object of her anger oblivious to what's happened

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[ladyquietude]

"It's poison," Petrana answers quietly, her hands clasped together in front of her as she doesn't quite look at Morgana but somewhere in her own memory. "Carrying bitterness, hatred, a grudge; the wrong done to us is done again and again and again inside of us, insidious, and it continues to hold a power. It doesn't hurt them not to be forgiven."

Whether or not she's actually made peace with her own personal demons - a white-haired liar springs to mind - this is something she understands well.

"Forgiveness is...personal and private and means to let a wound scar over. One may carry a scar without bleeding from it daily."

[magicalskeptic]

Morgana has already done what she intended.

No, that would be dishonest, as she came to the agora with the intention of killing Mordred, but wounded him instead. It had nothing to do with her victim. Mordred's survival had far more to do with his victim.

The clothing she carried is disposed of, but has yet to clean her dagger.

Morgana doesn't look at Petra, as she can't quite help but feel a little ashamed of her current state, though it has more to do with losing Petra's good opinion. "But a scar is visible to everyone." Morgana tries to hide hers best she can, but they are evident to those who know her.

"They receive forgiveness but we carry the constant reminder for others to see. We remember what the wound felt like."

[ladyquietude]

"Do they receive anything? That must depend on what you believe forgiveness to entail. To forgive is neither to forget, nor to condone. It is simply to let go. Our scars are not weakness, they are part of our history; I would prefer to be the owner of my injuries, and not their victim."

This is not easy for Petra to say, and her quiet, almost unsteady voice indicates as much - but she believes it, and sometimes she finds peace in it.

[magicalskeptic]

"They receive forgiveness. They receive the right to appear injured, even offended if their past wrongs are revisited." Forgiveness has been a rarity in Morgana's life. She was raised by a warrior, only to become ward to a man who wields all his power to avenge the wrongs done to him.

"Why do they get such a thing, when we have the scar. No, they should be the one made to carry it." And tonight, Morgana's tried to do so.

[ladyquietude]

"They do not receive any such right." Here, steadier, Petra's tone brooks no disagreement and something in her eyes sharpens to an edge. "They receive nothing in forgiveness that you do not choose to give them; if you let it make you bleed daily, what they have is power and what you have is an open wound that I promise you is much more easily seen and taken advantage of."

The grip she's keeping on her temper is tenuous, but it's not Morgana that any of it is directed at. It's too personal, and too close to the bone; this is something she strives for, this peace, not something that she can always achieve. And it still hurts, and there are still those who can find the edge of the wound and press down.

"They should carry it. I agree; it isn't fair. If it were fair, there'd be nothing to carry in the first place. Driving yourself toward revenge, though, that will kill you. And it will kill you unsatisfied and weak. That is what I have learned."

[magicalskeptic]

"I feel that is what they get, and they can take so much." Morgana's talked in generalities, in the royal we, anything from focusing on the real reason she is so infuriated.

Finally, she turns to Petra. "They need to know, understand, I will not tolerate someone almost being taken from me. I had to do something." Her anger required some action, some release and Morgana took it.

[ladyquietude]

"When we talk about the wisdom of forgiveness, they don't mean putting yourself at the mercy of someone who has hurt you - they mean to let go of the hurt and take away the power of that person to hurt you any more. It is not giving them anything; it is taking your own freedom. That is what is discussed. That is the answer to your question." She's softer here, meeting Morgana's gaze. "Some will understand, some will learn - some will repent. And some will not do any of these things, and chasing after them may only spread the wreckage around. You can't pin your peace on someone you already cannot trust, my darling. It'll always be cold comfort at best."

[magicalskeptic]

"I do not know," and Morgana genuinely doesn't know how to forgive. The few times she's done so, it's been natural, without effort, but that does not even make up a handful of times.

She holds out the dagger more like a child confessing to something than the vengeful creature who entered the agora earlier that day. She been told to forgive, but shown never to let injuries stand. "I received no comfort in this, cold or otherwise."

[ladyquietude]

If Morgana lets her, Petra will take the knife from her - gently, carefully, holding it correctly and without threat. "No," she says, quietly, "I expect you didn't. Come and sit down, dear."

[magicalskeptic]

Morgana is more than willing to turn the dagger over, and follow the Countess's suggestion. She sits stiffly. Her hands do not shake, though she's upset, and her posture is perfect. One would have to know her very well to even notice something was wrong, now that the rage has dissipated.

"He tried to kill someone dear to me," the story spills out, "and I have been taking care of his victim. My patient is not angry, he's forgiven his attacker, but..." Her voice trails off, leaving the rest unsaid.

Morgana has lost far too many people, not to have an extreme reaction to the mere idea of losing another.