The Return
Yup, I'm back in Lancaster. I had, thinking back on it, one hell of an Easter holiday. ASDA didn't have a single shift of work for me, which was quite annoying and will lead to a lot of problems this term, but it did mean I had a month where I got to decide what I did. In that time Sarah visited for a week, we had various Massive parties, I went to Phil's a few times, we went to see Sir Ian McKellen in Mark Ravenhill's The Cut, and I got plenty smashed. All in all it was pretty good.
Now I'm back, with this whole healthy living theme. It is good, in a way, that I am so broke, because it makes it a lot easier to stick to my rules. I had my first night since mid-December without a smokey smoke last night, and the world didn't end. I'm not doing brilliantly at the giving up fags, but I've cut back a lot, and found out that the nicotine gum isn't as horrific as I'd been told it was. It's the habit thing more than anything else that is getting me right now, there are just so many moments when it seems right to have a fag in my hand. Ah well.
Got up at 12 today and watched the Grand Prix in Dan's room. The first three races this season have been pretty exciting, and typically this one was almost utterly dull. Bloody Schumacher won, in fact he led for the entire race (pit stops allowing) which ensured I'd not enjoy the race. Still, it was good to be up (just) in the morning, and the weather was bloody beautiful. So good, in fact, that I suggested to Sarah we take a walk down to the river and explore all the fields on campus. Obviously I am a trend-setter, as we ended up with a group that, at its height, numbered 9. We also inherited a barbecue off one of my flatmates and his group of friends, and almost inevitably some beer appeared as well. So we've just got back, in the last half hour or so, from a 4-hour beer, meat and sunshine sesh on the field.
Feeling pretty good about it all, really. Not sure I'll be feeling so good tomorrow when I have to start going to lectures and doing some written work and dealing with the backlog from last term, but the mood will do for now. My room is pretty littered right now, but littered with ASDA bags bulging with mostly tinned food. I love my mummy ;) I'm watching what I eat (again for financial as well as quality of life reasons) as well as what I smoke, and I'm left with a certain feeling of optimism.
As anyone who was about at home this Easter noticed, there's an odd growth on my face. The opinions on it here seem to be split similarly to Blackburn, the lads don't mind or like it whilst the girls whinge. Oh boy do they whinge. I've done a lot of talking recently about not caring what people think about me, mostly inconsequential people or insignificant details that are picked on. The beard is a perfect example of this. To be honest, I'm not too attached to it, I'm not sure it makes me look better or worse. I just want to experiment, see how it looks in a month or so, once I've controlled it a little. Why not? What difference does it really make to the majority of the world whether I have a beard or not?
But the reactions have been interesting. Lots of mocking, bitchy comments, ones incidentally that were replicated today when Kerry was talking about my clothes. It was a hot day and I wasn't going anywhere where I needed to impress, so I have my green ANL t-shirt and my shorts on. Plus Rach wanted someone else wearing sandals, so I have the Jesus ones on. I don't think I look awful. Obviously I'm not going to be walking down any catwalks in the near future, but I'm comfortable in it all. So I wore it. End of.
Only it's not end of. As I told Sarah last night, for a while it felt like I was back at school again. People just love to snipe and mock and whinge. The only difference this time is that I actually don't care. So they can carry on as long as they want with their shit. I've not come to Uni to impress a bunch of teenagers. Fuck that. I'm not going out of my way to wind people up, I'm not looking for a fight, but I'm not going to let other people dictate what I should be doing with my appearance or my life. Bad luck.
Apparently some of B Floor get on with me "despite" my interest in politics. I found that one pretty amusing. As Sarah was saying, the decent people here, the people whose opinions I do care about, like me because I care about stuff, because I have an opinion, and because I'm generally pretty honest. But everywhere you go these days people mock those who care. I suppose, with leaders like we have now, it makes sense that people are cynical about anyone wanting to get into politics. But the ferocity of the attacks on those who stood for Sabb positions with actual policies quite surprised me. It is uncool, and in certain circles evil, to care about things.
Sarah gave me one of her Ravenhill quotes - the ones they used in their presentation. As luck would have it, the banner is just about the width of my door and her Robot Dan cartoon had been ripped at the end of last term. So now it's on my door, staring everyone in the face as they get out of the lift.
"I look at you. You look at me and you see bitter and ugly, alright then, but I look at you and I see....What is this? What are you? Nothing's connected, you're not connected with anything, you're not fighting anything." Nick, "Some Explicit Polaroids"
Now that is worthy of End Of.
Now I'm back, with this whole healthy living theme. It is good, in a way, that I am so broke, because it makes it a lot easier to stick to my rules. I had my first night since mid-December without a smokey smoke last night, and the world didn't end. I'm not doing brilliantly at the giving up fags, but I've cut back a lot, and found out that the nicotine gum isn't as horrific as I'd been told it was. It's the habit thing more than anything else that is getting me right now, there are just so many moments when it seems right to have a fag in my hand. Ah well.
Got up at 12 today and watched the Grand Prix in Dan's room. The first three races this season have been pretty exciting, and typically this one was almost utterly dull. Bloody Schumacher won, in fact he led for the entire race (pit stops allowing) which ensured I'd not enjoy the race. Still, it was good to be up (just) in the morning, and the weather was bloody beautiful. So good, in fact, that I suggested to Sarah we take a walk down to the river and explore all the fields on campus. Obviously I am a trend-setter, as we ended up with a group that, at its height, numbered 9. We also inherited a barbecue off one of my flatmates and his group of friends, and almost inevitably some beer appeared as well. So we've just got back, in the last half hour or so, from a 4-hour beer, meat and sunshine sesh on the field.
Feeling pretty good about it all, really. Not sure I'll be feeling so good tomorrow when I have to start going to lectures and doing some written work and dealing with the backlog from last term, but the mood will do for now. My room is pretty littered right now, but littered with ASDA bags bulging with mostly tinned food. I love my mummy ;) I'm watching what I eat (again for financial as well as quality of life reasons) as well as what I smoke, and I'm left with a certain feeling of optimism.
As anyone who was about at home this Easter noticed, there's an odd growth on my face. The opinions on it here seem to be split similarly to Blackburn, the lads don't mind or like it whilst the girls whinge. Oh boy do they whinge. I've done a lot of talking recently about not caring what people think about me, mostly inconsequential people or insignificant details that are picked on. The beard is a perfect example of this. To be honest, I'm not too attached to it, I'm not sure it makes me look better or worse. I just want to experiment, see how it looks in a month or so, once I've controlled it a little. Why not? What difference does it really make to the majority of the world whether I have a beard or not?
But the reactions have been interesting. Lots of mocking, bitchy comments, ones incidentally that were replicated today when Kerry was talking about my clothes. It was a hot day and I wasn't going anywhere where I needed to impress, so I have my green ANL t-shirt and my shorts on. Plus Rach wanted someone else wearing sandals, so I have the Jesus ones on. I don't think I look awful. Obviously I'm not going to be walking down any catwalks in the near future, but I'm comfortable in it all. So I wore it. End of.
Only it's not end of. As I told Sarah last night, for a while it felt like I was back at school again. People just love to snipe and mock and whinge. The only difference this time is that I actually don't care. So they can carry on as long as they want with their shit. I've not come to Uni to impress a bunch of teenagers. Fuck that. I'm not going out of my way to wind people up, I'm not looking for a fight, but I'm not going to let other people dictate what I should be doing with my appearance or my life. Bad luck.
Apparently some of B Floor get on with me "despite" my interest in politics. I found that one pretty amusing. As Sarah was saying, the decent people here, the people whose opinions I do care about, like me because I care about stuff, because I have an opinion, and because I'm generally pretty honest. But everywhere you go these days people mock those who care. I suppose, with leaders like we have now, it makes sense that people are cynical about anyone wanting to get into politics. But the ferocity of the attacks on those who stood for Sabb positions with actual policies quite surprised me. It is uncool, and in certain circles evil, to care about things.
Sarah gave me one of her Ravenhill quotes - the ones they used in their presentation. As luck would have it, the banner is just about the width of my door and her Robot Dan cartoon had been ripped at the end of last term. So now it's on my door, staring everyone in the face as they get out of the lift.
"I look at you. You look at me and you see bitter and ugly, alright then, but I look at you and I see....What is this? What are you? Nothing's connected, you're not connected with anything, you're not fighting anything." Nick, "Some Explicit Polaroids"
Now that is worthy of End Of.