It's Emo Time!
All right. I've had enough, and I want to go back to school. Right now it seems like my real home. I never knew how shitty it was at home until I had to leave and come back for a week or two. It seems that I always catch my mom and dad on the bad weeks. I mean, of course they were annoyed the first time I came home-- I had my boyfriend with me for the four days I was home. Now that I'm home again, I think my parents have only said three sentences to me:
1."Your hair looks like shit, we're fixing it this week."
2. "Have you stepped on the scale lately?"
3. "Your father and I are going out for a couple hours."
Really now, what the fuck. Especially to 1&2. My hair is my hair. They don't live with me for more than half of the year, so they can kiss my ass when they want me to dye my hair, unless mom wants to take me to some salon and pay for it herself. I like my pinkish red purple hair, so to hell with them.
And as for the scale comment... SHUT THE FUCK UP MOM I'M NOT A HEALTH FREAK LIKE YOU! Yes, I am overweight, and yes, this is EXACTLY why I don't have any self confidence. I have had years, and years ever since I can remember of lectures on my weight. I am never going to look "good" to you. I could drop 78 pounds (which would bring me down to a very unhealthy number) and I would still be "fat" to you. I don't even have enough confidence in myself to know that I can lose the weight she wants me to lose. There was a poing where my mom wanted me to weigh around 110. I'm sorry, but I'm not living my life as a fucking stick. Maybe I should develop aneorexia or bullemia or some other kind of eating disorder. Would that make mama happy? I guess I'm never going to be her pretty little girl.
I will lose the weight I want to lose, when I want to lose it, and how I want to lose it.
I'm supposed to ask my mama if I can go to visit Mike in December. Chances of a yes are looking pretty slim, at this point, but I can still hope, right?
I just want to go back to school, where I have my friends and my home. Yes, I called Potsdam my home. I was in my room all last night and today, and what I live in doesn't feel like home anymore. I wonder why that is?
1."Your hair looks like shit, we're fixing it this week."
2. "Have you stepped on the scale lately?"
3. "Your father and I are going out for a couple hours."
Really now, what the fuck. Especially to 1&2. My hair is my hair. They don't live with me for more than half of the year, so they can kiss my ass when they want me to dye my hair, unless mom wants to take me to some salon and pay for it herself. I like my pinkish red purple hair, so to hell with them.
And as for the scale comment... SHUT THE FUCK UP MOM I'M NOT A HEALTH FREAK LIKE YOU! Yes, I am overweight, and yes, this is EXACTLY why I don't have any self confidence. I have had years, and years ever since I can remember of lectures on my weight. I am never going to look "good" to you. I could drop 78 pounds (which would bring me down to a very unhealthy number) and I would still be "fat" to you. I don't even have enough confidence in myself to know that I can lose the weight she wants me to lose. There was a poing where my mom wanted me to weigh around 110. I'm sorry, but I'm not living my life as a fucking stick. Maybe I should develop aneorexia or bullemia or some other kind of eating disorder. Would that make mama happy? I guess I'm never going to be her pretty little girl.
I will lose the weight I want to lose, when I want to lose it, and how I want to lose it.
I'm supposed to ask my mama if I can go to visit Mike in December. Chances of a yes are looking pretty slim, at this point, but I can still hope, right?
I just want to go back to school, where I have my friends and my home. Yes, I called Potsdam my home. I was in my room all last night and today, and what I live in doesn't feel like home anymore. I wonder why that is?