I’m really confused. I just don’t understand what’s going on any more with regards to my nan and I’m starting to get a bit fed up. My mum and aunt have taken her out of the assessment nursing home and brought her back to her own home.
This was announced to me yesterday when they were on their way to get her. I just don’t understand what’s happening. It seems that my mum and aunt went to see the Dr’s on Monday and asked how things were going. They told her that they had just that day started to assess how her medication was working for her. For some reason, this seemed to surprise my mum and aunt even though were informed when we first took her down there that they like the residents to settle in and for them to get a handle on how she is “normally” before they make judgements on how their medication is working for them and what chages may or may not need to be made to it.
It also seems that when my mum asked what the most likely outcome to this assessment was, she was told that the vast majority of residents are approved for residential homes and move on from there to a placement. This it now seems is not what my mum wanted and that’s the reason she removed her! I’m at a loss. Mum told me yesterday that what she actually wants is for someone to tell her how best to keep my gran in her own home for as long as possible. But how, if that is the case… how can they if they cant complete the assessment?? The Dr did not say every patient ends up in care, he said most and I am quite, quite sure that if they felt gran could successfully be cared for with different, extra meds and additional care/help THAT’S what they would suggest, I just cant see the NHS saying… No.. lets take the more expensive option and put her in a home when there is a family willing to keep her at home as long as possible!
I’m sorry if this next bit is a bit rambly and disjointed I’m just trying to pull my thoughts together.
I know my gran can stay in her own home for a good wee while yet. IF we can be sure that we can give her the care she needs and I know, that most people would say that is preferable and I know when my gran got home yesterday she was happy to be there. However, to ensure that she gets the care she needs, we have to have at least three visits a day from care workers and some member of the family MUST get there at least once a day too. Now that’s ok. I’m happy to do my bit really. But.. having people she doesn’t know traipsing in and out of her home is, as far as I can work out AS upsetting for my nan as not being in her own home. FFS there are days she doesn’t even know her home IS her home. With her out of residential care, we can not be sure she is eating three meals a day. We cant be sure that she is washing, we cant be sure of anything to be honest and truthfully, I don’t know which is more important any more.
I can’t or rather won't say anything to my mum about this, I understand that the decisions she is making are tough ones and I know she thinks she is making the decisions for the right reasons and I am fully aware that this difference in what we should do for gran is about what we as individuals prioritise on. My mum is making hard choices, I wont make it harder for her. My gran is not totally out of her mind, although there are days when she is. She can have really good days in fact, she can have a couple of really good days in a row where she knows exactly who and where she is , although even on those good days she doesn’t remember things like my sister 19 not 10 and that she’s lived in her current home for about 14 years. But she’s not hysterical or confused about the every day stuff.
However there are the days she’s ringing my mum at 5am demanding to be taken home and telling mum there are people in the house. Those are the same days where she is frantic about completely crazy things, where she does things like buy mats from god knows where and those days are going to increase in number and the things that upset her are going to get worse.
I’m just… I don’t know. I feel terrible feeling my gran would be better off in residential care. I feel… I don’t know. I don’t know what to feel any more and I don’t know what my mum wants any more and maybe part of my worry is the selfish one about my mum going on holiday with my aunt for three weeks in Feb and leaving me to be the only family career. Maybe I just don’t want to be left alone with this for three weeks. Maybe I’m just that selfish. I don’t mind admitting I’m dreading it and angry with mum about it. But I'm more cross about her actions regarding the residential home. I dont see how what she did makes any sense. I dont see how it helps at all. If at some point in the future gran gets a lot worse what then? Do we have to put her back in for assessment? Would they take her? If mum had left her there for now, what would the decision have been? Would they have found a way to help and in the future have said, "no need for a further assessment, she needs care and we're willing to give it to her?" I dont know, we dont know and we'll never know now.
I just don’t know what I feel or what to feel any more.
I'm sorry this is all a bit bleagh...