(no subject)
I've been spending a bit too much time on Reddit recently, I think it was around this time last year that I did the same. Far less Amy Adams this time around but not necessarily less, uh, dank.
I watched the first few episodes of Gossip Girl today and I'm undecided. I think I was hoping it would be an east coast version of The OC but, well, it's not nearly as slick/compelling. And if, err, Chuck and Blair are insufferable scheming gits pretty much 100% of the time... meh.
--
Where I just wrote "gits". I wanted to say "cunts", but eased off a bit and went for "bitches". Then I examined, for a moment, why I strayed away from "cunts" and decided some of the reasons were equally applicable to "bitches".
And I've just read a few paragraphs from a couple of feminist blogs to give myself a quick recap on some ideas about this topic (searching for misogyny, bitch and microaggression).
Okay. I do not have any particular experience of women feeling oppressed by language. I've known women who have disliked particular words (fwiw, "cunt" and "pussy") but that was more comparable to my Mam disliking swearing at all, say. Just quite ugly, uncomfortable words. So, for all I can read blogs about these words I have nothing to marry the objections to other than the intellectual objections of educated feminists.
Is the feminist movement really serving a purpose by crying about microaggressions involving words that have been used for generations? Or am I seeing that in an ignorant way? Is there some reasonable way to compare words like bitch and cunt to nigger and faggot? Is sexism a comparable issue and fight to those of racism and homophobia? I am unsure about that - I could give an argument based on my life experience, but that's just my opinion and, frankly, of little value.
...
I am not a feminist. I have some views, I'm sure, that line up with theirs. No doubt I have a lot that don't. Because, basically, I don't think men and women are the same. Because of biology, because of nurture I think it's reasonable to make a bunch of generalisations about differences between the sexes.
Okay. I'm chivalrous. I could probably think/train that out of me - it's not core to my beliefs, it's just something I do. But would I want to NOT be chivalrous? No. Paying for things, holding doors, walking roadside or... whatever the fuck else, while it may be misguided, old fashioned or plainly sexist... is also just nice, kind, considerate. I focus on the latter. That I may be less inclined to do that stuff for a guy doesn't mean much of anything, at the end of the day.
Perhaps an important detail is that I've at least thought about this and I'm comfortable that it's really not a big deal that I'm blatantly sexist in this way. I'm not hurting anyone, I'm not disrespecting anyone - I'm well aware a woman can open doors and pay for shit. And if a women held a door for me or offered to pay for shit I wouldn't be offended and I wouldn't refuse.
OR is the important details that my behaviour could be contributing to a sexist society? Am I propagating the suppression of women? (and it's funny that my first instinct was to write "the fairer sex", heh). Well... maybe someone a lot more educated could tell me I am... but I don't buy it. Me, personally, I'm not a problem.
We could look at attitudes that persist in other parts of the world or in different demographics of men, or individuals who actually treat women terribly or with a lack of respect. They may be contributing to something. But my odds and ends of behaviour? Naw, I don't think so. I think if something I'm doing gets considered a microaggression or triggers something, then you're probably just a little bit too sensitive. At the least, you're fighting the wrong battle if you choose to take offence.
--
Cunt is a plainly disgusting word in my mind. I don't use it freely like an Aussie might, or some places in this country, even. And I know what it means, now, but it was a word I knew when I was young. It has no meaning other than being really offensive - but with no particular connotations.
I guess that goes to the nigger/faggot thing. Basically everything I just wrote could be applied to those words too. I don't know! My brain is having some doubts here. But in my heart I just don't get it. I don't connect cunt to women in the same way I do nigger to black skinned people or faggot to homosexuals. It's more like bastard. I'm not sure, perhaps that was a terrible thing in the past but these days... IDGAF if you're a literal bastard, that has no bearing on my opinion of you. Are *actual* bastards offended by the word?
As for being a bitch / bitchy... well... it describes behaviour more (obviously) prominent in women than men. So now we've got the etymology (not quite the right word, but it'll do) out of the way...
it's a shitty way to behave. It *is* an insult, one should feel insulted. But I'm not insulting all women, or all strong independent women, or... whatever feminists want to reclaim the word to mean.
--
For what it's worth, clearly, there are battles that still require fighting for male/female equality in the world. Pay, for instance. And, fuck, I tend to run the Bechdel test on just about every form of media I come across because I think there's probably something quite important to it.
As nervous as I get about using words like bitch and cunt, I think I'd be more nervous about feminists wasting their time focusing on perceived microaggressions in language.
--
And! And.
While I understand the sentiment that a black guy saying nigger is different than a white guy saying it, that's clearly some dodgy territory right there. A woman who suggests that a guy using bitch as an insult and a woman using the same word to try and reclaim it... that's probably not the same thing. But shares some of that dodgy territory which, in this case is, ultimately, sexism.
I mean, what's the idea here? Men can't say bitch *ever*? Or at some point in the future once the feminists have reclaimed it we'll be allowed to use it again? Only in the new empowering way? And that's not sexist? Could men be bitches at that point, if they display these strong, usually female, characteristics? And there'll be no sexism issues here?
--
I guess it's no wonder people can write books and papers about this kind of stuff, and blog about it endlessly. Minefields all over the place!
Writing this my strongest feeling is that I'm bothered about the fact that a number of people would be offended about me using the word bitch to describe someone, male or female, who demonstrated bitchy behaviour. Because that is a thing, a thing I don't like, so I use the word both to describe it and insult them at the same time.
--
I might attempt to learn more about this but I find the topic incredibly difficult to deal with. I roll my eyes at the feminist literature. I roll my eyes when I read the word "trigger" let alone get to the literature of it and microaggressions. It's not that I'm insensitive to the larger issues, I think it's just the extremes they get taken to... people are trying *so* hard to find ways to be offended.
It's like political correctness gone mad, and very few everyday folks have much time for that. There's a nice idea in there somewhere, but so much bullshit has come with the territory that is begin to turn people off. More than that, make people push back. Maybe I'd've been more open minded if I'd been introduced to a lot of these ideas when I was much younger but these days... not so much.
Is it the eroding of a lot of things from my very normal life, with very normal people and normal goings on, normal relationships, friendships and conversations. And now I'm getting told I was oppressing women and insulting people? I don't think so. Of course I'm inclined to not only reject that assertion, but fight to ensure it doesn't take hold.
--
I really didn't know was going to have so much varied stuff to say about this, or that my conclusions were going to keep making me think up more stuff to have to conclude. I think because I expected to be relatively sensitive to the topic but, uh, I guess I'm not entirely. Probably because of the few things I googled.
I try not to let my gut dictate too much on stuff like this - I think that gut feelings let nurture play too much of a role, or shocking headlines define views on complicated subjects. But with what I've written here... I could begin to make the strong feminist argument, it makes enough sense, I'm absolutely sure there will be academic studies to defend a lot of the positions. But my gut wildly objects to a lot of it - makes me fight to pick holes in the arguments and reasoning.
I don't know if I'm entirely open minded, perhaps I'm not. Certainly the typical blog-fodder or Facebookable memes isn't going to shift me.
I watched the first few episodes of Gossip Girl today and I'm undecided. I think I was hoping it would be an east coast version of The OC but, well, it's not nearly as slick/compelling. And if, err, Chuck and Blair are insufferable scheming gits pretty much 100% of the time... meh.
--
Where I just wrote "gits". I wanted to say "cunts", but eased off a bit and went for "bitches". Then I examined, for a moment, why I strayed away from "cunts" and decided some of the reasons were equally applicable to "bitches".
And I've just read a few paragraphs from a couple of feminist blogs to give myself a quick recap on some ideas about this topic (searching for misogyny, bitch and microaggression).
Okay. I do not have any particular experience of women feeling oppressed by language. I've known women who have disliked particular words (fwiw, "cunt" and "pussy") but that was more comparable to my Mam disliking swearing at all, say. Just quite ugly, uncomfortable words. So, for all I can read blogs about these words I have nothing to marry the objections to other than the intellectual objections of educated feminists.
Is the feminist movement really serving a purpose by crying about microaggressions involving words that have been used for generations? Or am I seeing that in an ignorant way? Is there some reasonable way to compare words like bitch and cunt to nigger and faggot? Is sexism a comparable issue and fight to those of racism and homophobia? I am unsure about that - I could give an argument based on my life experience, but that's just my opinion and, frankly, of little value.
...
I am not a feminist. I have some views, I'm sure, that line up with theirs. No doubt I have a lot that don't. Because, basically, I don't think men and women are the same. Because of biology, because of nurture I think it's reasonable to make a bunch of generalisations about differences between the sexes.
Okay. I'm chivalrous. I could probably think/train that out of me - it's not core to my beliefs, it's just something I do. But would I want to NOT be chivalrous? No. Paying for things, holding doors, walking roadside or... whatever the fuck else, while it may be misguided, old fashioned or plainly sexist... is also just nice, kind, considerate. I focus on the latter. That I may be less inclined to do that stuff for a guy doesn't mean much of anything, at the end of the day.
Perhaps an important detail is that I've at least thought about this and I'm comfortable that it's really not a big deal that I'm blatantly sexist in this way. I'm not hurting anyone, I'm not disrespecting anyone - I'm well aware a woman can open doors and pay for shit. And if a women held a door for me or offered to pay for shit I wouldn't be offended and I wouldn't refuse.
OR is the important details that my behaviour could be contributing to a sexist society? Am I propagating the suppression of women? (and it's funny that my first instinct was to write "the fairer sex", heh). Well... maybe someone a lot more educated could tell me I am... but I don't buy it. Me, personally, I'm not a problem.
We could look at attitudes that persist in other parts of the world or in different demographics of men, or individuals who actually treat women terribly or with a lack of respect. They may be contributing to something. But my odds and ends of behaviour? Naw, I don't think so. I think if something I'm doing gets considered a microaggression or triggers something, then you're probably just a little bit too sensitive. At the least, you're fighting the wrong battle if you choose to take offence.
--
Cunt is a plainly disgusting word in my mind. I don't use it freely like an Aussie might, or some places in this country, even. And I know what it means, now, but it was a word I knew when I was young. It has no meaning other than being really offensive - but with no particular connotations.
I guess that goes to the nigger/faggot thing. Basically everything I just wrote could be applied to those words too. I don't know! My brain is having some doubts here. But in my heart I just don't get it. I don't connect cunt to women in the same way I do nigger to black skinned people or faggot to homosexuals. It's more like bastard. I'm not sure, perhaps that was a terrible thing in the past but these days... IDGAF if you're a literal bastard, that has no bearing on my opinion of you. Are *actual* bastards offended by the word?
As for being a bitch / bitchy... well... it describes behaviour more (obviously) prominent in women than men. So now we've got the etymology (not quite the right word, but it'll do) out of the way...
it's a shitty way to behave. It *is* an insult, one should feel insulted. But I'm not insulting all women, or all strong independent women, or... whatever feminists want to reclaim the word to mean.
--
For what it's worth, clearly, there are battles that still require fighting for male/female equality in the world. Pay, for instance. And, fuck, I tend to run the Bechdel test on just about every form of media I come across because I think there's probably something quite important to it.
As nervous as I get about using words like bitch and cunt, I think I'd be more nervous about feminists wasting their time focusing on perceived microaggressions in language.
--
And! And.
While I understand the sentiment that a black guy saying nigger is different than a white guy saying it, that's clearly some dodgy territory right there. A woman who suggests that a guy using bitch as an insult and a woman using the same word to try and reclaim it... that's probably not the same thing. But shares some of that dodgy territory which, in this case is, ultimately, sexism.
I mean, what's the idea here? Men can't say bitch *ever*? Or at some point in the future once the feminists have reclaimed it we'll be allowed to use it again? Only in the new empowering way? And that's not sexist? Could men be bitches at that point, if they display these strong, usually female, characteristics? And there'll be no sexism issues here?
--
I guess it's no wonder people can write books and papers about this kind of stuff, and blog about it endlessly. Minefields all over the place!
Writing this my strongest feeling is that I'm bothered about the fact that a number of people would be offended about me using the word bitch to describe someone, male or female, who demonstrated bitchy behaviour. Because that is a thing, a thing I don't like, so I use the word both to describe it and insult them at the same time.
--
I might attempt to learn more about this but I find the topic incredibly difficult to deal with. I roll my eyes at the feminist literature. I roll my eyes when I read the word "trigger" let alone get to the literature of it and microaggressions. It's not that I'm insensitive to the larger issues, I think it's just the extremes they get taken to... people are trying *so* hard to find ways to be offended.
It's like political correctness gone mad, and very few everyday folks have much time for that. There's a nice idea in there somewhere, but so much bullshit has come with the territory that is begin to turn people off. More than that, make people push back. Maybe I'd've been more open minded if I'd been introduced to a lot of these ideas when I was much younger but these days... not so much.
Is it the eroding of a lot of things from my very normal life, with very normal people and normal goings on, normal relationships, friendships and conversations. And now I'm getting told I was oppressing women and insulting people? I don't think so. Of course I'm inclined to not only reject that assertion, but fight to ensure it doesn't take hold.
--
I really didn't know was going to have so much varied stuff to say about this, or that my conclusions were going to keep making me think up more stuff to have to conclude. I think because I expected to be relatively sensitive to the topic but, uh, I guess I'm not entirely. Probably because of the few things I googled.
I try not to let my gut dictate too much on stuff like this - I think that gut feelings let nurture play too much of a role, or shocking headlines define views on complicated subjects. But with what I've written here... I could begin to make the strong feminist argument, it makes enough sense, I'm absolutely sure there will be academic studies to defend a lot of the positions. But my gut wildly objects to a lot of it - makes me fight to pick holes in the arguments and reasoning.
I don't know if I'm entirely open minded, perhaps I'm not. Certainly the typical blog-fodder or Facebookable memes isn't going to shift me.