RL dren
I'm struggling to cope with the world right now. My anxiety is back full force it seems and I am finding it hard to stop my mind thinking. It's like there's a roaring in the background of my mind and the foreground is just empty and I can't focus on just one thing. It just seems to spiral off into infinite paths. I want to cry but can't. It won't help, so what's the point. I haven't felt this bad for a long time. I don't want to be in the world at the moment, I want to curl up in my room and never come out. It's the first time I've ever felt like I could be a recluse and right now I can't see a way out. It's the cowards way but I just want to back out of the world, not worry about people are thinking about me, what they're saying about me when I'm not there, about being 'proper' all the time. Why do I have to care about things so much? I'm tired of fighting.
Anyway, I have to get back to my Sparky advent fic for tomorrow. Hope the festive season finds you all well! :-)
luv
K
ETA: I also realised that I'm not as good at what I want to do as I thought/want/need to be with performing. And I don't know where that leaves me right now. I'm just a disappointment.
Anyway, I have to get back to my Sparky advent fic for tomorrow. Hope the festive season finds you all well! :-)
luv
K
ETA: I also realised that I'm not as good at what I want to do as I thought/want/need to be with performing. And I don't know where that leaves me right now. I'm just a disappointment.