a hundred thank yous..
So my birthday was by far the worst birthday i've ever had.
1. first thing in the morning i call about my car being in the shop and they let me know that they think that my engine is blown. which = having to get a new car. at that point i just have a breakdown.
2. my sister calls my dad, he gets super pissed because i took my car to get fixed there 4 days prior and obviously they didn't fix it. so he get super pissed and cusses them out and when i try to call him back, he doesn't answer. My sister and i call him like 15 more times and we think he's had a heart attack cuz he's notorious for getting ill when pissed. right before we're about to call 911, he called her back and it was ok.
3. It's like 5:30 (the time Brent said was the earliest he'd come over). No Brent. 6:00. No Brent. 7:30 No Brent. So i'm like okay.. should i call him? He told me the night before that he'd be here at 5:30/6. I feel like i shouldn't be the one to call. It was my birthday, he was my date to my dinner... Finally around 7:45 as i'm heading out the door, with my sister driving me, i call him. and his phone is off. I leave a message with my phone number in it. So then Jessica calls me and i'm half hoping that like Brent was already there with them, tho that would be weird, i'd at least not feel like i got stood up, but he wasn't. I didn't hear from him the rest of the night.
4. I go to my party car-less, dateless, and hopeless. Ryan, Ana, Karen, Sarah, Chris, and Ginger also don't show. Dinner was fun. My eyes were bloodshot from crying but i looked pretty. Everyone was all coupled up, so Josie was my date.
5. Robert, Brian, Marcus, Marc, Brent, Kurt, Pete... pretty much everyone i've ever dated, didn't wish me a happy birthday. Along with my best friend in Atlanta.
Anyway, it makes me realize my real friends are the people i work with now. They're dependable and care about me.
So Brent calls me yesterday and leaves me a voicemail. He tells me that the reason he didn't come to the party was because he was drinking all day. He wanted me to know the truth because i deserve the truth and he totally understands if i don't want to see him anymore.
That was a lot to swallow.
Simply because of Pete. I've been in this situation before, and i gave them another chance. and now i know that someone like that will ALWAYS choose alcohol over me. and i can't take that again. a year and a half ago, i would have. I would have given him another chance, let him walk all over me again and again because i really like him. but i know he's just gonna break my heart.
that was basically what i said when i called him back. i just said i was sorry because a year and a half ago i would have given him a chance, but i dated someone just like him and i can't do it again. he said he didnt want me to, he said he didn't want to be a burden on me, he said he didn't want to hurt me and that he was sorry if he had. i told him i appreciated his honesty but i can't do this again. he told me if i changed my mind, to please call him. i said i would.
here's the thing. i keep wanting to compare it to pete. pete would do this to me, tell me honestly what he did and that he was sorry and feel awful about it and yea, he wouldn't do that exact thing again, but things like that would happen, and yes, pete did get better and quit doing a lot of really bad thing FOR ME. and i'm not saying that i expect that, or would even ask but Brent didn't offer like pete did. buttt i've only known Brent for like a week, things aren't on fast forward like they were with pete. so i can't hold that against him. also, kara brought up a good point. brent is 22. it takes a lot and makes him seem like a really solid dude that he could just openly tell me the truth about what he did. he called me to tell me. no a text, not a myspace message, he was expect to say that to me over the phone. that does take balls and that is the kind of person i want to be with. i hate getting the run around. but i can't just hope that that's who he'll be in 3 years, like 25, solid, not crazy drunk, there's no guarentee that he won't end up like pete. pete was 30 almost 31. the bad habit of drinking every night til you black out for 10 years is not exactly there for brent, i almost feel like i could help him. but again, i'm taking on a project like i always do. i constantly feel like i can change someone. i know i can't change an alcoholic. if it was going to happen, it would have stuck with pete. After talking to jessica about how upset brent is over me not wanting to see him anymore, i do feel bad and want to give him another chance; but i'd be an idiot. Unless he puts in a huge effort to win back my trust and faith that he is a good person and worth my time, then i don't see why i should.
then later marc tells me i'm the reason he's not engaged anymore...
this week, i swear.
1. first thing in the morning i call about my car being in the shop and they let me know that they think that my engine is blown. which = having to get a new car. at that point i just have a breakdown.
2. my sister calls my dad, he gets super pissed because i took my car to get fixed there 4 days prior and obviously they didn't fix it. so he get super pissed and cusses them out and when i try to call him back, he doesn't answer. My sister and i call him like 15 more times and we think he's had a heart attack cuz he's notorious for getting ill when pissed. right before we're about to call 911, he called her back and it was ok.
3. It's like 5:30 (the time Brent said was the earliest he'd come over). No Brent. 6:00. No Brent. 7:30 No Brent. So i'm like okay.. should i call him? He told me the night before that he'd be here at 5:30/6. I feel like i shouldn't be the one to call. It was my birthday, he was my date to my dinner... Finally around 7:45 as i'm heading out the door, with my sister driving me, i call him. and his phone is off. I leave a message with my phone number in it. So then Jessica calls me and i'm half hoping that like Brent was already there with them, tho that would be weird, i'd at least not feel like i got stood up, but he wasn't. I didn't hear from him the rest of the night.
4. I go to my party car-less, dateless, and hopeless. Ryan, Ana, Karen, Sarah, Chris, and Ginger also don't show. Dinner was fun. My eyes were bloodshot from crying but i looked pretty. Everyone was all coupled up, so Josie was my date.
5. Robert, Brian, Marcus, Marc, Brent, Kurt, Pete... pretty much everyone i've ever dated, didn't wish me a happy birthday. Along with my best friend in Atlanta.
Anyway, it makes me realize my real friends are the people i work with now. They're dependable and care about me.
So Brent calls me yesterday and leaves me a voicemail. He tells me that the reason he didn't come to the party was because he was drinking all day. He wanted me to know the truth because i deserve the truth and he totally understands if i don't want to see him anymore.
That was a lot to swallow.
Simply because of Pete. I've been in this situation before, and i gave them another chance. and now i know that someone like that will ALWAYS choose alcohol over me. and i can't take that again. a year and a half ago, i would have. I would have given him another chance, let him walk all over me again and again because i really like him. but i know he's just gonna break my heart.
that was basically what i said when i called him back. i just said i was sorry because a year and a half ago i would have given him a chance, but i dated someone just like him and i can't do it again. he said he didnt want me to, he said he didn't want to be a burden on me, he said he didn't want to hurt me and that he was sorry if he had. i told him i appreciated his honesty but i can't do this again. he told me if i changed my mind, to please call him. i said i would.
here's the thing. i keep wanting to compare it to pete. pete would do this to me, tell me honestly what he did and that he was sorry and feel awful about it and yea, he wouldn't do that exact thing again, but things like that would happen, and yes, pete did get better and quit doing a lot of really bad thing FOR ME. and i'm not saying that i expect that, or would even ask but Brent didn't offer like pete did. buttt i've only known Brent for like a week, things aren't on fast forward like they were with pete. so i can't hold that against him. also, kara brought up a good point. brent is 22. it takes a lot and makes him seem like a really solid dude that he could just openly tell me the truth about what he did. he called me to tell me. no a text, not a myspace message, he was expect to say that to me over the phone. that does take balls and that is the kind of person i want to be with. i hate getting the run around. but i can't just hope that that's who he'll be in 3 years, like 25, solid, not crazy drunk, there's no guarentee that he won't end up like pete. pete was 30 almost 31. the bad habit of drinking every night til you black out for 10 years is not exactly there for brent, i almost feel like i could help him. but again, i'm taking on a project like i always do. i constantly feel like i can change someone. i know i can't change an alcoholic. if it was going to happen, it would have stuck with pete. After talking to jessica about how upset brent is over me not wanting to see him anymore, i do feel bad and want to give him another chance; but i'd be an idiot. Unless he puts in a huge effort to win back my trust and faith that he is a good person and worth my time, then i don't see why i should.
then later marc tells me i'm the reason he's not engaged anymore...
this week, i swear.