(no subject)
So writing in here hasn't been like it was. I used to update all the time, sometimes twice a day but things got hard for me the last few months with my father passing away and etc. If you, whoever you are start reading this you will note from this entry on the way I am has changed. I feel as if a whole new side of me has come out. That sounds strange but I've matured and just changed. From now on this journal will be Public.
Let's see. So over the last few months Chris and i have remained together. My dad died of a heart attack and everything was left to me. The funeral, the money and all of his belongings. I miss him a lot but since its been almost 5 months now things don't hurt as bad. The pain is still there but it isnt how it was. Lately i have been feeling a little crazy. My mind almost went when my Dad did. I developed hypochondria (I always think im dieing) and I developed sever depression. I have adapted and It isnt as bad as it was. Im feeling healthy again and not as so out of control.
What has changed about me? Everything. I am no longer this preppy wanna be porn star and look like pamela anderson. I no longer have any aspiration to achieve men by my looks. I want them to fall in love with my mind, I want them to fall in love with the person I am. I feel like the last few years I have only wanted men to lust after me. I posted compromising photos to try to get some attention I needed and i no longer need it. I want to be a writer. I honestly would like to write something like the harry potter books J.K. Rowling writes but for now I am working on a book about my father which curently is 3 pages long. haha, eventually It will grow and Im in no hurry while im currently going to put myself through school. I want to become intelegent. My morals have changed, how i veiw everything has changed. I don't want to play the ditsy blonde hair big boobed girl anymore. Blonde I am, and Big chested I am too, but Im not longer going to be ditsy. Im no longer going to chase after guys and live my life like that. Its different now.
Let's see. So over the last few months Chris and i have remained together. My dad died of a heart attack and everything was left to me. The funeral, the money and all of his belongings. I miss him a lot but since its been almost 5 months now things don't hurt as bad. The pain is still there but it isnt how it was. Lately i have been feeling a little crazy. My mind almost went when my Dad did. I developed hypochondria (I always think im dieing) and I developed sever depression. I have adapted and It isnt as bad as it was. Im feeling healthy again and not as so out of control.
What has changed about me? Everything. I am no longer this preppy wanna be porn star and look like pamela anderson. I no longer have any aspiration to achieve men by my looks. I want them to fall in love with my mind, I want them to fall in love with the person I am. I feel like the last few years I have only wanted men to lust after me. I posted compromising photos to try to get some attention I needed and i no longer need it. I want to be a writer. I honestly would like to write something like the harry potter books J.K. Rowling writes but for now I am working on a book about my father which curently is 3 pages long. haha, eventually It will grow and Im in no hurry while im currently going to put myself through school. I want to become intelegent. My morals have changed, how i veiw everything has changed. I don't want to play the ditsy blonde hair big boobed girl anymore. Blonde I am, and Big chested I am too, but Im not longer going to be ditsy. Im no longer going to chase after guys and live my life like that. Its different now.