..........
What the fuck is wrong with me?? honestly I want to know... I dont know whats going on anymore.. who my friends are... or even who I can trust.
Today was hell, plain and simple... just pure hell... between me thinking Kyle was pissed at me for something I didnt do... to the Jake N Tiffany situation (which I refuse to take sides even tho I kno whose side I should be on) and ALOT of other things I dont feel like getting into
I ranted to Charity on the phone, b/c even she pissed me off today... and Im sry for that
and I even basically yelled at Kyle.. and I feel really bad about that too. b/c I shouldnt have.. Im sorry
I just dont know anymore...nothing has been ok these passed couple of months, and Im tired of acting like it is... Im all happy when Im around everyone... and then I come home,, and Im alone.. and I think about everything... all the things Ive done... and havent done..
I just fuckin give up... I dont care anymore.. whatever... its bullshit... what am I suppose to do?? what do you all want from me..... Im sorry I cant pretend Im happy all the time... it usually works.. but every once in awhile I just have to let it out....
and thats when this happens.... I feel so alone right now.. I hate being by myself...and I have no one to talk to... god knows if I did piss Kyle off... and charity, I dont know whats going on w/her.... I have ALOT of people I talk to and hang out with.. but only a very few who know me... and things that go on... b/c I hate sympathy... and people trying to make me feel better in an attempt to make them look like a better person...
I just want out.... I just wish I could leave right now... and not come back...theres just so much bullshit I dont want to deal with.. but I cant get away from...
and then I think maybe its me... I mean, even my best friend was pissed off at me today.. and I at her... which NEVER happens.... and Robbie,, that kid wants me dead.... I get told Michele and Sami hate me and think I hate them... which I dont hate you guys....Sean tells me Kyles pissed at me... and I hardly talk to alot of people I used to anymore... I even moved lunch tables...I sit w/Kyle Sean Beef James Josh etc.. instead of Charity Jake Jen and them... sometimes I dont even understand what I do...
nothing has made sense lately.. nothing... I just ... I just dont know..
Im sorry that Im putting this in here... but its a way for me to vent... and not have to hear someone contradict me.. or yell at me about it.
Im sorry to eveyone I yelled at and such today.. I just guess I havent been myself lately...
enough is enough.. I need to go to bed... and again.. Im sorry.. I guess I just, give up